Phantoms (1998)

(On VHS, August 2000) This films fails on its own merit. But as if to illustrate who bad, and how cheap it is, consider this: I always watch TV with the captioning turned on. In Phantoms, it quickly became obvious that the poor captioner was working from the film itself, not the screenplay; whenever things got confused, the captioning included notes such as [inaudible]. Cheap, much like the rest of the film, which relies at first on big music (faithfully captioned as [music] regardless of importance) and then on increasing mumbo-jumbo backed by the National Enquirer to deliver what is after all the hype a completely standard monster movie. Not much fun, its only saving grace being that Joanna Guest is easy on the eyes.

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