It was business as usual this month for christian-sauve.com: Here’s a selection of the highlights!
1. Mmm. Numbers…
My Prickly "Urchin" web stats engine tells me that…
Report for: christian-sauve.com, July 2002 >Total Visitors: 2,661 >Total Pageviews: 6,030 (Corrected Total: 3,801) >Average Pageviews Per Day: 194.5 (Corrected Average: 123) >Total Hits: 10,643 >Total Bytes Transferred: 159.8MB >Average Visitors Per Day: 85.83 >Average Hits Per Day: 343.32 >Average Bytes Transferred Per Day: 5.153MB
The "corrected" numbers take out the CSS, robots.txt, PDFs, mis-filed graphic files (ICO, GIF, JPG) and other files mistakenly considered "pages". The results are comparable to (and even oh-so-slightly above) those of last month. Not bad for a small personal web site…
In any case, our top ten most popular pages are
/index.html: 246 /texts/free-movie-tickets.htm: 109 /reviews/movies-2001.htm: 86 /reviews.html: 85 /reviews/movies-1999.htm: 79 /reviews/movies-2000.htm: 63 /texts/amazon-bookmarklet.htm: 61 /links.html: 58 /contact.html: 57 /reviews/movies-1998.htm: 54
…which is roughly consistent with last month’s results. Gee, do you suppose movie reviews are popular…?
If you care about such things, (I do!), here’s a depressing look at browser statistics for the month:
>Explorer-5: 942 >Explorer-6: 805 >Netscape-4: 156 >Netscape-5: 129 >ia_archiver: 117
In short, the browser-we-wish-would-just-die, Netscape 4, is still hanging in there with roughly 5% of all hits. Die, Netscape 4.X, die! In the meantime, enjoy the sucky CSS layout of this site, 4x-heads!
2. Where do these people come from?
Our top five sources of referrals were
>google.com/search 723 >yahoo.com/bin/query 366 >www.google.ca/search 114 >www.google.de/search 44 >www.google.fr/search 34
…which once again reaffirms my faith in the all-powerful Google.
Other sources of referrals include sites I’m updating…
>revue-solaris.com/equipe.htm: 4 >geocities.com/christian_sauve/francais/: 2 >revue-alibis.com/numero/2002/ 3-camera-oscura.htm: 2 >revue-alibis.com/numero/2002/ 2-camera-oscura.htm: 2
…friends (you rock!)…
>www3.sympatico.ca/launer/liens.htm: 3 >dhs.org/_firesoul/links.html_friends: 2
…and two surprises:
>geocities.com/canadian_sf/pages/authors/ kingsbury.htm: 2
A page on Kingsbury referring my review of his Courtship Rites. (Uh-oh; better revise all the typos!) as well as
>mostlyfiction.com/spy-thriller/brown.htm: 2
…which is a page at an on-line bookstore trying to sell Dale Brown techno-thrillers to the public. That page contains a short bio of the author, a quick bibliography as well as a short list of links to the author’s official site, bookbrowser, HarperCollins, the Reno Gazette-Journal … and your own reviewer. But, ah-ha, not only is yours truly the only average chump with a review listed in such august company, but it’s the only annotated one! The link actually reads "Christian Sauvé’s (brutal) review of Fatal Terrain". Granted, it’s one thing to write a negative review of a book. It’s quite another so see yourself described as "brutal."
So I’m quotably considered "brutal". Oh, the embarrassment! You read here first. Or maybe second.
3. Ohh! Reader comments!
Only one comment came through the web site’s "Contact" page this month, but it’s a whopper. Judge for yourself (some spelling mistakes corrected):
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted on Thursday, July 4, 2002 at 10:07:48
I would like to suggest to the writer… could that be you? Sorry, I lost focus (I might not actually care) back to my suggestion… maybe the out-come is never predictable does anyone ever really care? A story is a story, right? We are all never really sure what another human is thinking or do we? Some people babble just to entertain themselves in the company of mediocre company or bad actors. I did learn a lesson at the end of your long over-drawn inward battle that you seem to have played out in a crummy plot. Who has really ever liked sci-fi? Aren’t there aliens among us, observers, a mix of acquaintances, vendors, neighbours, curious passer-by’s and the unaware. See, I think maybe some people like the cover so much the book lets them down. Me on the other hand, I like to read the pages because I didn’t write it and it is easy to put down unless it totally stimulates me, teaches me, and has a thoughtful life enhancing author. (The cover usually ends up with diet-coke all over it) I am still waiting to find a book but now that I know where my past lies, I may look for a good one to read while I walk away from the ashes of the page I have just turned thanks to your crummy plot (I just happened to stumble upon blindly) See, it taught me that I am much more interesting than I think. Someone may have been trying to direct my life and I really never would have guessed that people might possibly want that much insight. I’ve never found someone worth that much time, until now… me! See I have been so busy trying to pick the good out of a bad dirty neighbourhood that I forgot I could very well be on Sesame Street and would have never viewed life in the positive light I was trying to give others. (I think I would make a good Elmo) Have you ever really seen Elmo’s house, I haven’t. I appreciate the character he is willing to share with me on the screen, see I wouldn’t be a good influence on him yet for now I will just learn from his blind cuteness and unconscious babble. And maybe start watching a little bit more, when the show comes on, though.
See I would not ever get cable unless I had to, the people around me have kept me entertained. The setting may change though. I do not like the messenger, I never have. And what a big one the writer is of this crummy plot. And to such a large audience. My messages comes at face value or what-ever I am willing to receive. I am not a taker unless I am surrounded by negative sources even then do I really want to take from that kind of vulture? No I would rather have my star shine amongst stars like I thought I was striving for, guess again, Miss Mary you had your head in the clouds. Oh I am writing to you I forgot. I was basking in the after-glow of what I thought was a love-affair I had once with a very unavailable cowboy. But then I don’t really like cowboys, or cons for that matter. I never really thought I was nice enough to become that involved with another human, I didn’t see it. I don’t think I allowed myself to I was too busy trying to patronise the negative and exasperating all of my positive that I am now blank. What a great place to be when you’ve picked the light you have with-in yourself to drive you. Especially when you know for certain that the bad are out there, you just don’t have to go looking they will find you. I would rather it not be my family, past acquaintances or on-lookers though. I told someone lately that there would be no more charity for me, but I think I have changed my mind. I will just re-direct it to smiling charitable faces starting with me I ever really realized how pretty I was until I took the mirror down. I may remain in a glass house like the "Truman" character you write about. The powers of attractio
n are much deeper than a "want" you have to fulfill, they come from within. The players will remain the same in any certain book but who reads books any more I have just discovered the internet. But like any witty, sensible, pretty, nice, loving person I will filter the messenger to the fullest. I spent a couple of days recently trying to figure out what was wrong with my life and realised I was surrounded by people who knew and didn’t tell me. That is where the plot is re-directed, towards the light this time though. I had a crash course in how powerful you can be just by being yourself. Hell it only took me a few days I’ve heard it took some others a few months. It is very hard to focus when you are being so focused upon. I will reflect on the props, and pawns I will just get paid for my charity and make sure it is a worth-while cause. I don’t like to see the strain on others when it is not available.I have no hidden agendas, verbiage, set-ups. I will not scope-out the weakness of others for a dollar. I now have come full circle. I pave my own path, golden not because of what I want to be, but because of what others took from me, saw me as, idolized, wanted, needed, degraded. The power comes from with-in if it is good enough to give, now that I am aware that even snakes are attracted to the light. (if only for a brief moment) I just never want to nest with them, they will remain part of the food-chain. I will know longer remain a mouse, maybe turn into a flower or whatever the audience wants to view me as. I want from a mouse to a hamster, for me it was a quick lesson. For others, now that you have learned, laughed, cried… maybe you should seek out the pages because as I have just learned, does the cover matter? Time is worth a-lot more money and now that sex is fun (thanks to you-know-who) I don’t need to hide it, just open my field of vision. I don’t care what the purpose is I have been taught a lesson, my blindness won’t change I just now know Braille or sign-language and prefer to remain blind. The other side takes up way too much time. After getting paid for it, I now know it wasn’t quite worth it. Some talents shall remain a gift just not charity but whose to judge? The cover is a lesson in itself I am just let down quicker than most, I just need to not linger, the snakes are a lesson and they have a place on earth. I am glad I know they are there now so I don’t step on them when I frolic. I can now… you fixed my flaws for me. I can start to enjoy life, thanks for the props. Material things are much easier to give, I am glad I kept my heart this whole time and everyone else is patching there’s, maybe they could realise it could be bigger. Separate church and state, I am glad I don’t know how I can remain nice, and still make money!!! Who needs a social life when everyone creates it for you. The celebrity is picked by the people not the aliens. I will remain in the clouds, somewhere in the middle. I want for nothing it is all around me. I will now give what I get so others don’t prey. I will just be more aware of the food chain. And hope for heaven. And never get married just for a quick plot so I can live in someone else’s book. The big guy is who we see him as not what we want him to be . Our wants just need to be hidden if we know the power of our talents, smiles, and thoughtfulness can be a wrecking-ball in the path of the builder. I guess now I am the observer, aren’t you glad I didn’t find you interesting in the first place. I am nice too, my pity is kept with-in, I will not mix that with feelings anymore my face is much too pretty It’s even worth money!!!!!! I am sorry I can’t bottle it but maybe you should feed the chain on the web. I won’t though, that can remain my write-off as I have been other’s. Such a problem solver I am that I now know the problem isn’t worth solving. Peace-out or tune-in whichever you prefer. I like sesame-street myself he-man is much more dark huh, skeletor? We are who we project or are we? All I know really is everyone sells something I just didn’t know it was me! Lucrative for the watchers and directors, I don’t care to know them…
I personally think this is a small work of genius, on the order of Burroughs or Joycean stream-of-consciousness writing. If nothing else, this guy can get a job writing lyrics for Lo Fidelity Allstars, Chemical Brothers and other techno bands. (No, but seriously: "I was basking in the after-glow of what I thought was a love-affair I had once with a very unavailable cowboy."? GENIUS!!) The IP address of the mailer (he put in his e-mail as "I don’t care") was 68.3.92.41, which I tracked down to an American ISP called cox.net, and a user using IE6 on a Windows 2000. Most probably a drunk American celebrating the Fourth of July by hitting the bottle and then the web (the five quasi-identical messages suggest someone trying really hard to hit the "submit" button and not remembering if he’s done so). I did search for similar writing on the web and found nothing, though similar writings were seen on a site dedicated to crackpot writing. And they they say people won’t write… (snif!)
Other email received included someone asking me to scan a page of a book I’ve read years ago and send it to him. Uh-huh. No answer required on that one! It helps to assuage my guilty conscience that this was a library book, and hence some distance away from me at the moment…
One of the hazards of being a webmaster (with a publicly-accessible email address on the InterNIC whois database) is that every single low-life scum-pond spammer now feels entitled to mass-email me in order to sell me stuff. Take, for instance, ditzy Kathy Phillips
From: kathy.phillips@mail.internetseer.com (Kathy Phillips)
Subject: Broken link on www.christian-sauve.comThere appears to be a problem on this page: (yadda) When you click on your link to: (yadda) you get the error: 404 File not found
Oh, gee, thanks! …but then she screws it all up by adding
InternetSeer is the largest FREE web site monitoring company in the world, monitoring over 1.1 million web sites worldwide every hour. If you find this information helpful and would like to receive alerts as soon as we detect an error accessing your site, <link>here for instant signup</link>
Oh, shut up, Kathy.
If got better with a French-Language spam message from some ditz called "Mylene Martin", representing a site I used to respect, abebooks.fr, first telling me that I had a wonderful site (ooh, ah) but then suggesting that (wink-wink) I might consider "partnering" with them in order to allow them to sell even more books. What? You think I should have been all warm and cuddly? Well, what didn’t help was that the message was sent in HTML-only, wasn’t even addressed to me in the "to" field ( a classic instance of mass-mailing spam) and, oh, concerned an European retailer. (There’s also the small quibble that this kind of marketing strategy crashed and burned two years ago.) Then they’ll be surprised when I never deal with abebooks.com again. Spammers; they don’t deserve any respect!
4. Search Queries Oddities
(This being the crowd-favourite section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various browsers to find christian-sauve.com)
3.1 – Our Biggest Success Stories
>isbn amazon lookup >isbn lookup (x26) >isbn number lookup >amazon isbn lookup >bookmarklets amazon search
Once again, the Amazon Bookmarklet page fulfills a public need, though it’s been sinking in the Google rankings, down to sixth place from an all-time high of second whenever one entered "isbn lookup" in Google.
>free advance movie screening >free movie giveaways (x2) >free movie premiere tickets (x3) >free movie preview ticket >free movie preview tickets (x3) >free m ovie screening >free movie screenings (x16) >free movie screenings for critics >free movie sneak preview >free movie theatre tickets >free movie ticket offers >free movie tickets (x9) >free movie tickets advance screenings of new movies >free movie tickets previews (x2) >get free movie tickets (x2) >how to get free movie tickets (x3) >how to movie test screenings >test audience tickets free >sneak preview movie tickets (x3) >advance movie screenings >advance screenings arrive early
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but people are actually looking for ways to go to movies for free. Try to stay calm as this information is entrusted to you.
>diet losing weight midriff stomach >expanding gut (x2) >stomach shrinkage (x3) >jogging or walking which is more useful for losing weight >losing midriff fat >losing weight around midriff
After months of relative obscurity, my essay on Losing Weight seems to be gaining in popularity. Go figure why *now*.
3.2 – My name is (what?)
>animated christian avatars >blockbuster christian movies >christian bride porn >christian correspondant high school >christian golden rules >christian loose weight program (x3) >christian moral dilemma about computer >christian movie reviewer (x2) >christian movie reviewers >christian movie reviews of batman and robin (x2) >christian movies black actors >christian novels to read for enjoyment >christiansummerwritings >dungeons dragons christian comic book >ghostwriters for famous christian books >men in black christian reviews >movie japanese christian author train sacrifice love >nasty christian girls >overweight christian flash presentation >regis christian scripts >secular movies christian appreciation history
Once again, those kooky Christians are looking for *all* sort of things. Some of them quite unwholesome.
>who play christian from the movie clueless
IMDB.com says "Justin Walker"
>sauve (x4) >christian sauve (x4)
Good. People looked, people found.
3.3 – Local Issues
>106.1 the bear >arbys ottawa (x2) >cheap bandwidth web hosting in ottawa >école l'escale rockland >how much does it cost to catch a taxi from downtown ottawa to kanata >michael copeland children ottawa >ottawa amateur porn movie shooting >ottawa south keys movies price >ross laver ottawa (x2) >where to buy passport photo ottawa >amateur porn in hull quebec
Some of these things I should know about. Some of these things I really don’t want to know about.
3.4 – The music, ah, the music!
>lovin spoonful summer in the city mp3 (x2) >new york city boy mp3 (x2) >new york state of mind mp3 >summer in the city - the lovin spoonful mp3 >summer in the city mp3 (x2) >the lovin spoonful summer in the city mp3 (x2)
Once again, the word "MP3" acts as a lightning rod for all sorts of queries. Webmasters! Put "MP3" on every single page!
3.5 – Let’s all go to the Movies!
>100 good movies >best watergate movie >blockbusters of 2000 >body switching movies >b-series black humor movies >essaypopcorn theatre >hitwoman action movies >mind switch movies >office fake computer destruction movie frustration >the best crossover vampire film (x2) >the most chilling vampire film >top grossing comedy nineties
Quirky general areas of contemplation, wouldn’t you say?
>a picture of the sheep dog van in the movie dumb and dumber >baseketball cheerleaders pictures >cecil b demented script >classic the third man vienna nudity >cruel intention deleted scene >cyberstalking soundtrack >devils advocate movie script >digital or cgi or computer cameron proved titanic >dvd time machine pearce deleted scenes moon >eight legged freaks international trailer >film shes in love 2000 latino romeo juliet >film trailer insider trading gambling traffic lights >godzilla 98 sequels what happened >godzilla movie problems plot rip off >how the movie shrek differs from traditional fairy tales >how to teach the film fahrenheit 451 >mst3k the chill factor >pleasantville the movie conception of the ideal family >psychological effects of frightening films starship troopers >showgirls sequel video >shriek if you know subtitles >subliminal pictures event horizon >very bad things racist asian >young einstein cat pie
This is only a small sampling of explicit movie queries…
3.6 – New York!
>best view brooklyn fireworks >bull new york city photograph wall street >central park new york city mileage map running >chinatown massages new york >grand army plaza and fourth of july >new york stock exchange photograph >new york sucks >pictures new york manhattan brooklyn bridge skyline village subway good quality >pictures of midtown manhattan skyline as seen from queens
I’ve been to New York, wrote about it and for the record, it doesn’t suck.
3.7 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!
>amy smart nude clip >angelina jolie high res scan >boogie nights graham movie clip nude >brad pitt freemason >brittany murphy winona rider lesbian >clip natasha lyonne clea duvall >dean cain underwear pictures >deborah kara unger nude >fakes photos spice girls >françoise yip biography >françoise yip nude >free nude roselyn sanchez >hugh jackman fake nude photo >isabelle cyr naked >joanna pacula sexy >kendra torgan >leelee sobieski fake naked pictures >lesbian actresses pacula >naked tia carrere showdown in little tokyo >original sins angelina jolie nude >paul walker and ex girlfriends >rachel ward nude scene >robin tunney naked >roselyn sanchez fake nude (x2) >roselyn sanchez fake nude .com >roselyn sanchez lingerie (x2) >roselyn sanchez nude (x4) >wesley snipes tatoo >what day month and year was actor william defoe born
Male, female, gay, straight or not, it makes no difference: If you’re famous, everyone wants to know more about you –and see you naked! What’s with my site and Roselyn Sanchez? And why would one explicitly look for fake pictures?
3.8 – Books. Ooh, boooks.
I have cut entirely the list of authors and books queried, but unsurprisingly enough, I tend to get a lot of hits for slightly more obscure authors, which makes sense if you consider that there might be thousands of sites on Stephen King, but only a dozen on writers like DJ Levien of Floyd Rudmin.
3.9 – Whaaat?
>3d max woman nude body mesh >antigravity russia aircrafts >biohazard tattoos bodybuilding >civilizational collapse >cultural significance of bletchley park >faithful to thee in my fashion >frontpage 2002 crack (x5) >teen matchmaking for thirteen year olds >urban legend monster truck >witty one liners signature mail >women who ignore their adulterous cheating husband
Go ahead. Try to explain how these ended up being relevant to my site. Just try.
3.10 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…
>littlest nudist >male bound cage military pictures gay >people with web cameras having sex >pictures of guys being fondled >spacesuit female sex >spice channel 1996 aliens movies
Creepfest!
>amanda garrett sex
Bizarre. Amanda Garrett is the fictional protagonist of a series of techno-thril
lers by James H. Cobb. Is someone fantasizing…? Oh, right, this is the web; I shouldn’t be surprised at anything.
>blacksun.ca problem
I just want everyone to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my hosting company blacksun.ca. Nothing at all. They want me to say that.
>countdown clock powerpoint presentation >twin towers powerpoint files
What’s with the PowerPoint fetish?
>deliberate reality >intelligent hallucination
I like these expressions. I will use them one day.
>essay on my experience on a hijacked plane
Whoah. Dude.
>first video played muchmusic (x2)
I queried muchmusic.com about this, and they were gracious enough to answer the following:
From: muchmail]at[muchmusic.com
The first video Much aired was on August 31, 1984 and featured Eubie Blake performing Snappy Songs, an early music-to-film synchronization short from the 1920s. Then we aired Rush "The Enemy Within." Hope that helps!
>garbage strike humor
Uh. Huh. Funny stuff, garbage strikes.
>nike squeak >saturn bad alternator
I’ve bought Nikes before and they started squeaking. The alternator of my Saturn once failed in mid-drive. I wrote about these things. I’m overjoyed to find that I’m not alone in my plight.
>quackzo >scriptitude
I actually made up these words. The first as a placeholder/synonym for an incompetent doctor ("Dr. Quackzo says complete emotional trauma is great for losing weight!"). I also made up "scriptitude" as a description of a writer’s attitude ("end-of-scriptitude"). I don’t feel so original now.
>supernatural book reviews (x2)
I *know* what the original visitors were looking for, but I can’t help but imagine what a "supernatural review" would be like. Clicking on a URL and seeing the book being roasted in mid-air? Projecting some of the reading goodness feeling caused by a really good novel?
>the actor who played the title role in the 1990 film cyrano de bergerac
Gerard Despardieux. C’Mon. Try harder.
Until next time, my name is Christian Sauvé and I remain… constantly surprised!