BOOK REVIEWS

2001, Part E: May 2001

2001, Christian Sauvé

Featured this month:

 

Bridget Jones's Diary
Helen Fielding

Picador, 1996, 310 pages, $10.99 Can. pb, ISBN 0-330-37525-3

01/05/2001: 13st8 (Eek! What am I, a bowling ball?), cigarettes 0 (as if), alcohol units 0 (yeah, right), 6/49 tickets 0 (not feeling one-in-fourteen-million special enough), nasty calls from Rogers Video 0 (v.g.), siblings visiting 2, calories stratospheric (shouldn't have had third slice of pizza. Nor fourth, fifth or sixth one).

L. came in my office again today, complaining about latest dating prospect and wondering whenever she'll meet Mister Right and if new clothes make her too fat. Did my best impression of a gay best friend, sympathizing with everything she said while personal designs on her neither gay nor simply friendly. Have to wonder how I ended up in this bizarre situation someday, but not today as answer likely to be too depressing.

Thought about L. a lot while finishing Bridget Jones's Diary, but also about my own situation; young professional still single more by circumstance than choice. Whole book told as year-in-the-life diary of said Bridget Jones, single Londoner with more neuroses than entire Woody Allen oeuvre.

Great book, fun reading, many laugh-out-loud moments. Even though Bridget not brightest bulb, it's impossible not to really like her, problems and all. Constant metaphorical yearning to hug her and say everything would come out all right. Author Helen Fielding does great job at funny writing with huge drops of honesty. Loved passage about how single friends would rather keep everyone else single than lose their time with them because they're in relationship.

Had a few problems with the book, though; bunch of coincidences, mostly. Eventually learned that Mr. Darcy character based on similar Mr. Darcy in Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, which might explain a lot if ever I end up seeing Pride and Prejudice.

At least book much superior to movie, which stumbled worst when straying away from novel. Major distractions include whole mother subplot, which is nastier in book than film. Unfortunately, this cause movie ending to be far more Hollywoodish than book, which is far more satisfying ("Why did you do it?" "I think it's obvious." Perfect!) Whole book generally less formula romance than film, which now feels more contrived than ever. (While book never sends Darcy to New York, there is unfortunately no fist-fight. Oh well.) Interestingly enough, movie/book changes will keep up interest in the book for movie fans.

Writing sharp, fast, hilarious & hypnotically easy to imitate. Fielding has comic genius; some embarrassed glances from other people in the bus after hearing me laughing aloud.

Social significance of Bridget Jones probably worth noting, but too little space here to do so. Ironically enough, Bridget Jones's Diary could be compared to a female Fight Club, both being about modern social dilemma stemming from doing first thirty years more or less right and then discovering things that parents never told you about. Modern teenhood being pushed back ten-fifteen years? Lack of established social models to deal with modern zeitgeist? Judging from bestseller lists in England and now States, chances are that many many ladies are identifying with Jones. Personal query; where are they all? Like to think of self as being much closer to Darcy than Daniel.

Realize enjoyed Bridget Jones's Diary a lot despite not being target audience, which leads self to question validity of initial premise. Maybe not as far away from Jones as would like to believe. Eek.

 

The Jericho Files
Alan Gold

Harper, 1993, 578 pages, $6.99 Can. pb, ISBN 0-06-100894-X

Stay away from this book. I mean it.

You most probably read thrillers for fun. To pass time on the bus. To relax on the beach. To escape reality to a more interesting world where government are either steadfastly protecting our freedom or working hard at enslaving us.

So you naturally want a well-paced story, protagonists you can root for, an original premise and a kicking conclusion that leaves everyone happy and the bad guys punished.

I'm telling you: avoid Alan Gold's The Jericho Files.

It does start promisingly. At a peace conference where an agreement is about to be signed between Israelis and Arabs, the Prime Minister of Israel gets up, insults the whole crowd, does everything short of a snappy Nazi salute and plunges the entire proceedings in chaos. There's no such thing as a good mystery to get the ball rolling on a novel, and this is a fascinating one.

Then we're inevitably introduced to our two protagonists. Miriam Davis is a tough but adorable Jewish Australian lawyer. She's dating Paul Sinclair, a journalist. They're a cute couple, even though they have a few problems due to religious differences. To patch things up, they visit her grandfather, who tells them a story about the Israeli Prime Minister's past. Photographic proof in hand, he maintains that this particular Prime Minster -back in Pre-WW2 Poland- was a die-hard communist who helped to eradicate entire Jewish villages. Egawd! Could he be right?

Well, of course he is. We're privy to the conspiracies of an old man, who masterminds a plot for complete Russian world domination! Miriam's grandfather is killed, Paul's apartment is ransacked, and before long, our two intrepid investigators are on a plane away from Australia, looking for answers in the old countries.

(Gold doesn't miss an occasion to pump up Israel's profile and generally make a fanfare out of Jewishness. That's cool -I'm generally sympathetic to Israel-, but when constantly repeated over hundreds of pages, it can become annoying.)

Meanwhile, Israel is torn apart by martial law and agents provocateurs. Our protagonists escape from the country with death teams hot on their heels and continue on to Poland, where they confirm the grandfather's story. But everywhere they go, their witnesses and informants are ruthlessly killed shortly after having talked.

Understand that I'm summarizing a lot, but not condensing much. Even though The Jericho Files nearly hits 600 pages, not a lot happens there. The narrative is padded with useless chatter, scenes which sap the suspense of the novel and a considerable amount of red herrings, cardboard characters, gratuitous subplots and dull moments.

Eventually, Paul and Miriam link up with powerful Russian men who might be in a position to stop the Jericho plan. They gather their forces, prepare their counterstrike...

...and are all killed. Paul and Miriam are taken deep inside a Russian forest and killed one after another by a bullet in the head. They're then disfigured by sulphuric acid and buried in an unmarked grave.

The End.

I'm not making this up. 550+ pages for a complete failure and an unremarkable death.

Couple this awful ending with the tepid pacing, and you've got a recipe for the anti-thesis of everything fun, good and sacred about thrillers. It doesn't do to kick the reader in the head after s/he's been patient enough to slog through 550+ pages of mostly indifferent prose to see the novel resolve itself in a big fat nothing. Stay away from this book. Now that I've spoiled it from beginning to end, you don't even have a reason to go through it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll just go and deface my copy with sulphuric acid and bury it in an unmarked grave somewhere in my backyard.

 

 

Resumé with Monsters
William Browning Spencer

White Wolf/Borealis, 1995, 469 p., $7.99 Can. pb, ISBN 1-56504-913-6

Dilbert meets Lovecraft.

Dynamite concept. Too bad that's not quite what Resumé with Monsters is really doing.

Granted, there are satirical scenes of worker alienation in office environments. True, the book is filled with explicit references to Lovecraft and his menagerie of slithery, tentacular, unimaginable creatures.

But don't think that the result is a laugh riot. Or that the expected goodies are delivered in satisfying portions.

Our protagonist is Philip Kenan, a budding writer struggling with a series of low-end job while trying to fulfil his true goal in life; finishing a massive horror novel in the pure Lovecraftian tradition. Except that the monsters are real. They're following him around. He perceives them where others don't see anything. But he's not fooled. A previous encounter with them has cost him his job and his girlfriend. Now he slaves at a print shop, but the creatures are coming back...

Let's admit up-front that Resumé with Monsters is a very enjoyable book. Breezily written, original in scope and execution, it's a delightfully weird romp through a modern re-telling of the Lovecraft mythos. The link between modern corporations and soul-sucking monsters that drive you insane is so obvious after the fact that it's a wonder that no one has thought about writing something of the sort before.

This being said, readers should be cautioned that William Browning Spencer has no aspirations at being the next Scott Adams, and while Resumé with Monsters is a comedy/horror hybrid, the emphasis here should be placed on hybrid. The funniest moments are often simultaneously the most horrific and it's not as much a guilt-free laugh riot as you may initially think. Chills and chuckles are on the menu. Funny strange rather than funny ha-ha most of the time.

There are a few lulls here and there, especially when our hero gets unstuck in time and bounces around for a few chapters. A few unexpected twists and turns are good for momentary disorientation. Spencer regrettably sustains the "if he crazy or is he not?" ambiguity for far too long after the reader's indulgence is established. It still ends up gelling quite well by the end, with a curiously sentimental note that does a lot to establish the warm fuzzy impression left by the book.

Don't be fooled by the novel's thickness; due to an unusually airy typography, the novel takes maybe a third more space than stories of this length. It makes the reading even easier. Not that you'll have trouble reading "only a few more pages" of the novel; it would rank as a one-sitting book if it wasn't for the fact that you'll want to read it as slowly as possible in order to savour the full effect of the writing. The passages about the protagonists' past relationship alone are worth careful reading, regardless of Lovecraftian monsters or corporate satire.

In the end, while Resumé with Monsters reasonably exceeds most of the basic requirements for a solid, memorable read, it's also a victim of its own cleverness. Readers with some imagination will ceize upon the office/horror connection and see possibilities that Spencer might have missed. Certainly worth a look (obviously ranking as a must-read for Lovecraft enthusiasts); but beware the inevitable let-down. After all, even the best books can't contain everything.

 

Los Alamos
Joseph Kanon

Island, 1997, 517 pages, $9.99 Can. pb, ISBN 0-440-22407-1

You might think that after a few hundred year's worth of experimentation with the novelistic form, everything worth doing has been done at least once. And, in large part, this is true. There's a saying somewhere about it being only four (or eight, or fifty-three) basic plots, and indeed it's hard to find truly original works any more. Human emotions are finite, but fortunately, variations and combinations are infinite.

Often, the joys of a novel can be found in the unison of known elements from different fields. In Los Alamos, Joseph Kanon sets a murder mystery against the fascinating WW2 backdrop of the Manhattan Project, and mixes in a romance for good measure. It doesn't mesh all that well, but at least it's interesting to read.

As with so many novels set in an exotic environment, our passport to Los Alamos, with its collection of scientists, engineers, soldiers and associated family members, is a journalist named Michael Connolly. Hazily drafted from journalism and assigned to criminal investigation, Connolly is a sleuth outside the law, indeed almost outside the normal security apparatus. What he discovers in Los Alamos is our way of understanding that particular micro-society.

A tech writer such as Bruce Sterling would have tremendous fun showing us how Los Alamos' unlikely mix of physics geniuses, security personnel and top-notch technicians might represent the archetype of late twentieth-century geek culture, but Kanon is no geek, and his view on Los Alamos is closer to noir than to techno. Connolly is quick to become entangled in the mess of extra-marital affairs, hush-hush homosexuality, invasive security and lovelorn wives that surround the pure-science Manhattan project.

There is, in the middle of all, a crime. A project member killed for what may be a myriad of reasons—from an illicit affair to money matters. Connolly will have to learn his job as he goes along, digging deep in Los Alamos to uncover secrets that might or might not be relevant, but that no one wants to see brought to light.

At the same time, he falls for one of the wives, who's gradually revealed to be rather less than pure and, inevitably, entangled in the murder. As if that wasn't enough, there's also an espionage thriller buried in Los Alamos, as Connolly realizes that foreign spies are smuggling secrets out of the place. Is this linked to the murder? Well, what do you think?

In theory, all the elements are there for a crackerjack book, mixing historical, crime, espionage and romantic fiction. How can it all go wrong?

With unnecessary gravitas, it seems. Kanon isn't happy to have this rich palette of elements, and mixes a bit too much, too deliberately to ensure a harmonious result. As a result, various elements compete with each other, morassed in a ponderous style that seems to underscore the seriousness of it all. In attempting too much, Kanon forgets the need for genre fiction to entertain above all, and if Los Alamos is still a good read, it seems too heavy to truly rise above its base elements and truly achieve its potential. Compare and contrast this novel with the Bletchley Park sequences of Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon, for instance, for an edifying illustration of two very different approaches.

It's also somewhat of a shame that the stereotypical romance cannot be camouflaged by the dour prose to become anything else but a distraction. Of course, he's going to fall for her. Of course, she'll prove to be essential to the resolution. It is, by far, the most ordinary part of the narrative, and also the weakest.

But for readers looking for something slightly different, this shouldn't be enough to drive them away from the subtle pleasures of Los Alamos. It would take much more than these mere quibbles to screw up such a strong premise, and Kanon proves to be good enough. It won't stop more technically aware readers to wonder aloud at how other writers might have approached the same elements, but don't let that stop you from reading the book as it is.

 

The Grid
Philip Kerr

Seal, 1995, 446 pages, $8.99 Can. pb, ISBN 0-770-42740-5

Michael Crichton has made quite a name for himself with a series of science-fiction novels masquerading as thrillers. Despite simplistic characters, a cookie-cutter approach to plotting, clunky expository passages and a constant lack of subtlety in cheap techno-alarmism, he regularly sits atop bestseller lists. The reasons for this success boil down to his professionalism. While straightforward, his books are cleverly written for maximum readability and a veneer of sophistication. Even jaded readers who see through his intellectual hypocrisy (decrying technology while embracing it to a pornographic degree, for instance) have to admire his technical skill at building a solid structure and his flair for telling details and sympathetic characters.

Well, Philip Kerr is no Michael Crichton.

Stop me if you've heard this story before: In Los Angeles, a new high-tech skyscraper is days away from inauguration. But suddenly, a man dies-

--what? Yes, this is indeed a killer building story. Gee, we have seen this story before. Many times. No points for originality. Indeed, we even seem to recall a Crichton story or two... is it Jurassic Park or Westworld...? Or maybe RUNAWAY...? Hmm...

In any case, it's obvious from the start that Kerr has a lot to learn in order to challenge Crichton. Believe it or not, his characters are actually less interesting and less sympathetic. In thriller terms, this means that you'll even struggle to remember their names from one page to another. You may bitch and moan about the B-movie approach to characterisation that limits itself to clearly defined demographic groups, but in The Grid, everyone is pretty much a middle-aged white man. Who all speak alike. Worse; you're given no reason to care for them. Aside from a policeman (I think) the three other protagonists include a tyrannical architect who callously fires people on a whim and an executive who cheats around with a Feng-Shui consultant.

Oh yeah; Feng-Shui. As with the Crichton novels, there's heaps of semi-fascinating trivia more or less dumped in this novel's 446 pages. A lot of it sticks out, such as Kerr's typically melodramatic notions about Artificial Intelligence. In The Grid, our typically all-powerful computer is corrupted by... wait for it... a teenager's video game. Naturally, the computer comes to see itself as a player whose goal is to kill all human enemies. Or something like that, because for dramatic purposes, all the victims have to be picked off one by one, which doesn't appear to be a particularly efficient strategy.

The only semi-compelling reason to read The Grid is in this parade of gruesome death, handled about as imaginatively as in the fourth or fifth instalment of your typical slasher film series. We get elevator squishy, flickering lights causing a brain to burn itself out through epileptic seizures (that one was new to me, though no less ridiculous), drowning in water-filled bathrooms (!), boring electrocutions, pool-cleaning chemical warfare and a monotonous series of falls from great heights. Most of the time, you'll end up cheering for the building given that it's getting rid of one useless character after another. Still, it's disturbing to see Kerr languorously describe naked dead women.

In short, there aren't very many reasons to read The Grid. Except if you're stuck in a building who wants to kill you for bonus points; it may make your final demise seem sweeter. I mean, look at what it's made me do: write nice things about Michael Crichton!

 

Riptide
Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child

Warner, 1998, 465 pages, $8.99 Can. pb, ISBN 0-446-60717-7

Most Canadian schoolboys are familiar with the story of Oak Island, a small piece of land located in the Atlantic Ocean, a few miles away from Nova Scotia. It would be a completely unremarkable island if it wasn't for one fabulous story; the rumor of a fantastically well-protected treasure hidden under the surface.

It began with the discovery of a tree with a rope-burnt stump by two boys. It continued with various digs, constantly frustrated by the influx of water rushing into the pit through, possibly, cleverly engineered flooding tunnels. The Money Pit has killed a dozen men so far, and bankrupted at least twice as many. Is there a treasure down there? D'Arcy O'Connor's excellent non-fiction book The Big Dig seems to indicate so. But unless we develop engineering techniques considerably more advanced than those of today, we'll probably never know.

So ends the "real" story of Oak Island, with all the wonderfully dramatic loose ends implied (I've left out rumors of gold bullion, mega-rich pirates, Bacon-being-Shakespeare and various hard evidence of something strange under the island). To get a reasonably satisfying story about Oak Island's treasure, we must turn to fiction: Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child's Riptide.

Given the well-known story of Oak Island and the author's usually careful research, it's somewhat frustrating to note that nowhere in Riptide is any acknowledgement of the source story. American chauvinism? Maybe.

In any case, the initial setup is identical: An island on the eastern seaboard, a fantastic treasure, deadly engineering. For added dramatic effect, Preston & Child move the island to Maine and adds a tortured character who's already lost a brother to the island.

At the novel's beginning, an all-out engineering effort is assembled to finally conquer the island and get the treasure out. This being a modern techno-thriller, however, you can be sure that they won't. (The days of Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World, when protagonists could become millionaires on discovered treasures, are long past. The new techno-thrillers dictate that ambition and determination is to be squished flat for the sin of arrogance. They call that progress.) It becomes apparent as soon as a preacher warns everyone against the corruption of money that this won't have a cheery ending. But don't worry: Even though the treasure is indeed lost, there's a pretty good reason for that. Chances are that readers, at least, won't feel cheated at all.

And while Preston & Child's novels have elevated the scientist-punishment ending to new levels of clichés, it's indeed quite rare to feel cheated by their books. They know what they're doing. The pacing is snappy, the details are fascinating and there's always something interesting going on. Sure, their characters are only adequate and their hypocritical anti-science shtick is wearisome (like Crichton, they revel in the possibilities while decrying them.), but overall, it's decent entertainment.

There are annoyances, for sure; Readers will guess part of the big secret well before the protagonist (who's supposed to be a doctor but never makes the link between missing teeth, burns and failing immunological systems.) and guess another plot twist pages before the "team of experts" does ("What if there's more than one flooding tunnel?"). The ending is overlong and needlessly drawn-out. The human villain is unnecessarily evil, illustrating once more the authors' obsession with painting ambition as unmitigatingly bad.

But never mind. Riptide, with all its flaws, stands as the duo's best novel yet, a blockbuster thriller with flaws but also a lot of fun. It'll be a special treat for everyone who has ever heard about Oak Island and wondered what might lie down there. Preston and Child have done their homework and delivered an imaginative thriller with a lot of bang for the buck. Don't miss it if you like the treasure-hunting genre.

 

The Princess Bride
William Goldman

Del Rey, 1973, 283 pages

Ask around for opinions about THE PRINCESS BRIDE (the film), and you'll get almost-unanimous agreement; everyone loved it to pieces. Many people will repeat snatches to the dialogue verbatim, from "Inconceivable!" to "My Name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!" While no one is too sure about who played who in the film (except for André the Giant, who everyone remembers), everyone who's seen THE PRINCESS BRIDE loves it.

I'm no exception, though I remember liking the first half of the film a lot more than the second half, where the protagonist became as useful as a bag of potatoes and the tale slogged on despite, rather than because, of him. Still; you can't beat lines like "You made one of the great mistakes; not 'you shall not wage a land war in Asia', but the other one!"

In any case, I was quite happy to be able to snap a mint copy of The Princess Bride at an used-book sale. Funny as the movie was, it was probably nothing compared to the mordant prose of William Goldman.

It turns out that while the book does indeed have more punchlines than the film, it shares with it a noticeable slowdown in the end.

One aspect of The Princess Bride that wasn't possible to explore in the film is the whole metafictional conceit of the book. Goldman starts with a long (29 pages) introduction in which he details how his father read him S.G. Morgenstein's "The Princess Bride" when he was young (that part is in the film), but when he tried giving it to his son, the result was unreadable (this part isn't) so Goldman set out to re-edit the original so that it contained only the good parts. The following book is peppered with breaks from "Morgenstein"'s narrative in which Goldman explains his editing choices.

This makes The Princess Bride's parody of fairy tales a bit more obvious, not to mention an extra opportunity to insert modern punchlines to a historical tale. It adds another level of content as Goldman wiggles out of some difficult scenes or casually mentions some ludicrous "original" content. ("Morgenstein opens this chapter with sixty-six pages of Florinese history" [P.59])

In any case, the first half of The Princess Bride is pure fun to read and (on potential alone) would rank as one of the funniest books of any year. But unfortunately, Goldman takes the deconstruction a step too far and saps vital energy out of the tale.

I had always felt, while watching the film, that to make the protagonist physically useless halfway through the tale was a mistake. It removed the story's most interesting character out of the action and placed too much emphasis on the secondary players. Yes, it so provided more obstacles for our heroes to overcome... but the way it was handled, it always seemed like a boring cheat to me. This is alleviated, somewhat, in the book (it's not as visually ridiculous), but is emblematic of the flagging interest of the second half.

But then, alas, the ending... One of the most common errors in parodying a genre is to remove the qualities that make it so entertaining, by accident or design. One of the strengths of fairy tales, for instance, is the unwavering happy ending. (Pedantic note: We're talking about modern Disneyesque fairy tales, not the grim Brother Grimm versions, in which social behaviour lessons were an integral part of the plot and body-counts rivalled today's horror films.) While The Princess Bride isn't exactly a downer by any means, it doesn't end on a rightfully triumphant note, drowned as it is in Goldman's heavy-handed "life isn't fair" refrain.

Still, I'd be a chump to keep you from rushing out and getting The Princess Bride. A wonderful book despite its flaws. And if you haven't seen the film yet, well, what's your excuse?