Moviegoing 2003
2004, Christian Sauvé
This being a flash-retrospective of the movies of 2003, written at the end of the year and updated until the Oscars are given out in February 2004:
- THE BEST: Every end-of-year retrospective must have a top-ten list...
- HONORABLE MENTIONS: Other films worth a look.
- BOTTOM OF THE BARREL: Movies to avoid.
- A QUICK GUIDE TO OTTAWA-AREA THEATRES: For once, some regional content.
- WHAT ABOUT THE OSCARS? My picks for the year.
1. THE BEST
My Ten Favourite Films of 2003
(This is not a "best movies of the year" list. This is a "my favourite films of the year" list.)
1. LORD OF THE RINGS: RETURN OF THE KING
- Plot: A trilogy comes to an end; amazed fans go "wow, this really didn't suck"
- Why I think it's great: Besides being a great adaptation of a classic work, it's by far the best fantasy film ever put on-screen.
- I hear your objections, but: Oh, shut up. Best. Movie. Of. The. Year.
2. PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN
- Plot: It's a ride! It's a movie! It's a ride and a movie!
- Why I think it's great: Seldom have we seen such a pleasant mixture of romance, comedy, action and horror. This is big-budget popcorn entertainment at its best.
- I hear your objections, but: When the worst thing I can say about a film is "well, the third quarter dragged a little", there's not much to add.
3. FINDING NEMO
- Plot: Father-fish looks for (and finds) son-fish.
- Why I think it's great: What's not to love? Great characters, fantastic computer animation, excellent script and plenty of manufactured emotions. Tons of fun for the whole family.
- I hear your objections, but: Even though it feels too much like a Disney movie, it may be the best non-Disney Disney movie.
4. ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO
- Plot: Robert Rodriguez shows off.
- Why I think it's great: As a big fan of Rodriguez's oeuvre, this film was pure action candy. Gorgeous cinematography, iconic performances, fast pacing and excellent directing make this a sure-fire DVD purchase.
- I hear your objections, but: Heck, even only five minutes of Salma Hayek is better than nothing at all.
5. DOWN WITH LOVE
- Plot: We revisit the sixties, the hairdos, the colors, the astronaut worship and the battle between the sexes.
- Why I think it's great: Wonderful performances from everyone involved, plus fantastic set design, great costumes, excellent scoring, some of the best dialogue of the year and plenty of tongue-in-cheek laughs to keep everybody satisfied. No, the sixties weren't like that... but wouldn't it be cool if they had been?
- I hear your objections, but: I just love what Peyton Reed does. Yes, I truly do.
6. KILL BILL VOLUME 1
- Plot: Quentin Tarantino does what he wants, and laughs all the way to the bank twice for the same amount of effort.
- Why I think it's great: Because I'm a film geek and Tarantino is a film geek. After so many ordinary films made with mere competence, it's refreshing to see what a gifted auteur can do. Pure fun!
- I hear your objections, but: Tarantino is back.
7. TERMINATOR 3
- Plot: Some guy lucks out and has his TERMINATOR fan-fiction brought to the big screen.
- Why I think it's great: "Great" may be too strong a word here, but there's tons of action, a decent performance by pre-governor Arnold S. and a few stupendous special effects. All in all, a great popcorn action film.
- I hear your objections, but: Did you really expect any summer film to have the guts to end the way this one did?
8. RUNAWAY JURY
- Plot: Everyone loves to buy a jury! Especially when they're deciding a multi-billion civil case!
- Why I think it's great: It's fast, it's relatively smart, it features a bunch of great actors and it's made with a lot of technical savvy. How can you not like it?
- I hear your objections, but: Go ahead, find me a more enjoyable courtroom drama in 2003.
9. THE MATRIX OVERHYPED
- Plot: A fantastic trilogy ends with an awful splat.
- Why I think it's great: Despite my many many many problems with just about every aspect of the production and my overall feeling of betrayal by the Wachowski brothers, there's no doubt that both MATRIX sequels contained some of the most incredible images of the year, and reached my inner scifi geek exactly at the right place. Great action sequences, too.
- I hear your objections, but: Hey, I told you I felt betrayed.
10. PHONE BOOTH
- Plot: A man. A phone cabin. A sniper with a laser scope.
- Why I think it's great: The concept alone is righteous enough to make any cinephile weep with joy. By far the purest thriller of the year, with mesmerizing performances by the lead actors and plenty of thrills everywhere.
- I hear your objections, but: Isn't it a cool little film?
I would also like to mention BEND IT LIKE BECKHAM, an irresistible teen sport romantic comedy, as a more-than-honorable mention. It's too bad that it only made it to American shores in 2003. Had I seen it in 2002, chances are that it would have made that year's top-ten list.
Then there's THE ANIMATRIX, a collection of short animated films about the world of THE MATRIX that was released on DVD in 2003. Good stuff for sci-fi fans, with an amusing mixture of animation styles and another look at the universe behind the first film.
2. HONOURABLE MENTIONS
Beyond a top-ten list, there's other good material out there. Imperfect. Unsubstantial. Unpolished. Badly-paced. But worthwhile nonetheless. Here's a list of what else I liked in 2003:
But first, an important note: 2003 was the year of the car chase. In addition to the anthology pieces featured in THE MATRIX RELOADED and TERMINATOR 3 (both mentioned above), sweet car chases could also be found in 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS, BAD BOYS 2 and CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE (all of whom are worth a look for action fanatics, despite the overabundance of "2" in their titles.) Additionally, car sequences formed the best moments of otherwise-weak films such as FINAL DESTINATION 2 and JOHNNY ENGLISH.
CONFIDENCE is a pretty spiffy heist/con film. Don't miss it. if you're looking for something darker, DARK BLUE isn't too bad even though it's a bit of a downer. But not as much as IDENTITY, which will leave some extactic and others infuriated. Other thrillers that may be worth a look include SWAT, THE RECRUIT, MATCHSTICK MEN, OUT OF TIME and the rather good Canadian film FOOLPROOF.
Oops! Let's not forget X-MEN 2, which was a pretty spiffy follow-up to a surprisingly good super-hero film.
Comedy-wise, let's hear it for the Canadian comedy MAMBO ITALIANO and the surprisingly solid THE RUNDOWN. SCHOOL OF ROCK was another pleasant surprise. INTOLERABLE CRUELTY disappointed a number of Coen Brothers fans, but it's certainly worth a second look. If you have not been nice this year, go grab BAD SANTA and you'll feel much better. Finally, if romance is what you're looking for, it's difficult to do better than LOVE ACTUALLY.
On the other hand, if you're after drama and a good cry, well, take a look at BIG FISH, MYSTIC RIVER or THE HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG. Be sure to grab a box of tissues.
If historical recreations interest you more than complex stories, hop on the time machine and have a good look at MASTER AND COMMANDER, THE LAST SAMURAI and COLD MOUNTAIN. I have doubts about the plotting of all three, but not enough to avoid recommending them.
For the kids, I actually like the first two-third of AGENT CODY BANKS and most of SPY KIDS 3D, though I must that that this last film pales in comparison to the first two entries in the trilogy.
I'm still thinking about THE HUNTED, CHARLIE'S ANGELS 2 and BASIC: All of them had good bits, but also quite a lot of silliness.
3. BOTTOM OF THE BARREL
Try to avoid those, if you can: (in increasingly frustrating order)
5. Uptown Girls
- Plot: Rich girl learns life by babysitting another rich girl.
- Why I think it's bad: Oh, what was it? The completely predictable arc? The saccharine ending? The loathsome protagonist? The terrible dialogue? All of the above?
- No, but really: We saw this film for free, and yet my sister insists I owe her money for it. But then again, she refers to it as "the film which must not be named".
4. Gigli
- Plot: Bennifer falls in love with itself. Good for them, bad for us.
- Why I think it's bad: Because it's an attempt at a "romantic comedy" (featuring graphic murders, suicide attempts and retarded characters) that feels as if it's been written by a senior discovering naughty words for the first time.
- No, but really: "gobble-gobble": I rest my case.
3. National Security
- Plot: Martin Lawrence. Gaaaah, Martin Lawrence.
- Why I think it's bad: Not only does it have Martin Lawrence, but it's an unholy mix-up of stupid cop comedy and serious cop drama... and it doesn't work. The action sequences are cheap and repetitive and the "comedy" is irritating.
- No, but really: How many times in a single film can you smash a car through plate glass windows?
2. Dreamcatcher
- Plot: Stephen King overdoses on pain-killers, writes novel, sells film rights.
- Why I think it's bad: While the technical credits are top-notch, they masquerade the fact that the story makes no sense at all. Phallic imagery is mixed with gross-out gags, bug-eyed military madness and invading aliens in a ludicrous package.
- No, but really: Those wacky aliens: Decades of invasions, and they just now figure out how to kill us.
1. Legally Blonde II
- Plot: Lobotomized blonde invades Washington; makes all long for dirty politics.
- Why I think it's bad: Because watching the film was a constant irritant. Nothing was funny. Nothing was sympathetic. Nothing was surprising. I wanted the heroine to die horribly. I wanted to root for the villains, except that the villains weren't any better-defined. I hated, hated, hated that film.
- No, but really: "Your dogs are gay".
A dishonorable mention goes to the "Movies. They're worth it" anti-piracy campaign, especially the "David Goldstein, set painter" one. I'm sure that Mr. Goldstein is a fine fellow with whom I'd love to chat over lunch, but his commercial is one of the stupidest things the movie studios have made in a long while. Not only is it running in movie theaters (where, hint, hint, you will not find those who download movies), but it was running in front of such movies at ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO and SPY KIDS 3D, which is tremendously ironic considering what Robert Rodriguez is doing to do without people like Goldstein in an effort to keep costs down. Throw in the booming economics of films, the unionized status of people like Mr. Goldstein and the multimillion costs of top-line actors and the argument doesn't even make sense any more. (Why should Hollywood be "protected" as outshoring is all the rage? Go, free markets, go!) Heck, after the umpteenth times they crammed it down our eyeballs, I wanted to rush out, download movies and drive the studios out of business. Movies. They may not be worth it (the aggravation.)
4. A QUICK UPDATE ON OTTAWA-AREA THEATRES
Prices went up, service went down... it was business-as-usual for the Ottawa-area theaters this year. I can only comment on where I went, so, in decreasing order of frequentation, here are my comments on:
- The World Exchange (Cineplex Odeon): It's easy to go from hero to zero: Simply jack up the prices from 7$ to 10$ in one week and I'll stop going. Convenient location, sucky seating and small screens. But now that their prices are equal to all other theaters, why should I bother with the inferior cinema experience?
- Rideau Centre (Famous Players): I'm constantly surprised at how cheap the prices are and how this theater can afford to remain in business. Still, the price is good and you get what you're paying for. It's a shame that their matinees aren't more consistent.
- The Mayfair (Independant): Due to the new management's increasingly loopy movie scheduling, I managed to avoid going to the Mayfair more than twice in 2003. The price is still right, but their tendency to replay the same movies for weeks on end is even worse than their habit to show double-features that are completely unrelated to one another.
- Orleans (Cineplex Odeon): Prices are fine, audio-visual experience is fine and so is the rest of the experience. Sometimes in a handy location, sometimes not, depending on my schedule. I would like to support them more often.
- Cinéma 9 (Cineplex Odeon): Decent theater, with the sole attraction of being the most accessible French-language cineplex in the Ottawa area. I can live with the rather high price, but it takes a good reason to go there.
- Silvercity (Famous Players): I used to loathe the Silvercity for its inflated prices but now that all other theaters have caught up to it, I'm somewhat more generous. I still think that the gaudy arcade stuff has to go, but given the choice between the sucky World Exchange and the stadium seating of the Silvercity at the same price, heh, there's no contest.
5. WHAT ABOUT THE OSCARS?
As of early 2004, here how I'd give out the Oscars, damn the Academy!
- Costumes: THE LORD OF THE RINGS III
- Editing: THE HULK
- Make-up: TERMINATOR III
- Song: "Here's to Love" - DOWN WITH LOVE
- Score: THE MATRIX RELOADED
- Sound: MASTER AND COMMANDER
- Sound Editing: MASTER AND COMMANDER
- Visual Effects: THE LORD OF THE RINGS III
- Set Design: THE LORD OF THE RINGS III
- Cinematography: THE LORD OF THE RINGS III
- Adapted Screenplay: THE LORD OF THE RINGS III
- Original Screenplay: DOWN WITH LOVE
- Supporting Actor: Ken Watanabe, THE LAST SAMURAI
- Supporting Actress: Lucy Liu, KILL BILL V.1
- Actor: Johnny Depp, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
- Actress: Scarlett Johanssen, LOST IN TRANSLATION
- Foreign-language Film: SUR LE SEUIL (Canada)
- Animated Feature: THE ANIMATRIX
- Director: Peter Jackson, THE LORD OF THE RINGS III
- Picture: THE LORD OF THE RINGS III