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CHRISTIAN SAUVÉ

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THE SUMMER THAT ALMOST SUCKED

or
Movies of Summer '98: A Review

1998, Christian Sauvé

PART A: THE ESSAY
(ALSO READ PART B: THE PARODY)

(Also Available: Movies of Summer'97 and Movies of Summer'99)

1. INTRODUCTION

It was the summer where New York got destroyed three times, the summer where a gross-out comedy out-grossed blockbusters, the summer where one of the biggest film was a big-budget episode of a TV show, the summer where an animated Disney feature for kids starred a cross-dressing heroine.

It was the summer where critics loved a few movies as much as the public, and the public hated some movies as much as the critics. It was the summer which might have finally proven that the story was important and the special effects couldn't carry a movie on their own.

It was the summer of giant lizards, battling vampires, earth-smashing objects, government conspiracies, matchmaking twins, WW2 platoons, talking animals, gun-wielding action figures, masked men, negotiators, cops and criminals.

It was the summer where a cop fell for a crook and an aristocrat fell for a crook. Losers fell for Mary, Mulder and Scully almost fell for each other and rocks fell on Earth.

It was the summer where most big releases lasted more than two hours.

It was the summer where most reviews could be resumed as "a shame, considering the talent involved."

It was the summer with few sequels, but nothing really original.

It was the summer where the President of the United States could have starred in his own porn movie.

It was the summer saved by August.

It was the summer that almost sucked.

It was the summer of discontentment.

It was the summer of 1998.

 

This essay tries to make sense of all this, or at the very least represent an incoherent vision of what was Christian Sauvé's moviegoing summer of 1998. You will find here views and reviews, opinions and exclamations. It is a long document, even more so if you take the time to read the accompanying parody. Less-patient readers might want to skip a few things. Others are advised to read at their own leisure.

 

2. NUMBERS

Although summer traditionally runs from June 21st to September 21st, (though technically from June 22nd to September 22nd) this essay will only consider movies released during the months of May, June, July and August 1998. Some movies may have been seen in September.

The movies are (theatre are in the Ottawa area and prices in Can$):

May	DEEP IMPACT	Gloucester	5$
May	GODZILLA	Orleans	8.5$
June	THE TRUMAN SHOW	Gloucester	5$
June	OUT OF SIGHT	Orleans	5$
July	ARMAGEDDON	Orleans	6.5$
July	THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY	Orleans	8.5$/2
July	THE X-FILES	Orleans	8.5$/2
July	LETHAL WEAPON 4	Orleans	5$
July	SMALL SOLDIERS	Orleans	5$
July	THE MASK OF ZORRO	Orleans	5$
July	SAVING PRIVATE RYAN	South Keys	5$
Aug.	THE NEGOTIATOR	Capitol Square	5$
Aug.	BASEKETBALL	Vanier	2.75$
Aug.	SNAKE EYES	Coliseum	7$
Aug.	DEAD MAN ON CAMPUS	Gloucester	5$
Aug.	BLADE	Orleans	5$

Note 0: THE SPANISH PRISONER excluded, on grounds of having been seen in May but released in April. On the other hand, both April releases LOST IN SPACE and THE BIG HIT were true Summer Movies, though not covered here.

Note 1: THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY and THE X-FILES seen at a special regular-priced sneak preview of MARY, with bonus 2nd film X-FILES thrown in.

Note 2: SNAKE EYES was supposed to cost 6$ (5$ plus 1$ Coliseum surcharge), but the cashier stiffed me of another 1$. It will be a cold day in hell (say, May 21st, 1999 for STAR WARS) before I ever go to the Coliseum again.

Note 3: I really wanted to see THE AVENGERS, but it disappeared from the first-run theatres in a flash, and didn't reappear in our second-run theatre. Otherwise, I saw just about everything I wanted to see this summer.

...for a shameful total of 83.25$ in entertainment costs, not including food and transport. Ouch!

 

As of Oct.15, 1998, here were the summer box-office champs of the year, release date and the gross results of other movies seen, courtesy of The Movie Times (http://www.the-movie.times.com), all $ in millions:

A quick analysis of the numbers reveal a few surprises, especially when compared to the pre-summer predictions. Everyone expected GODZILLA and ARMAGEDDON to clean up at the box office. While these movies did well, they didn't bring in the expected 250-300$M range. If anything, they suffered from very negative critical opinion: They're the films everyone saw but nobody liked. (Reuters New Media: "Armageddon has been the sort of Bill Clinton of movies this summer. Despite being disrespected by the press, it's the biggest release of the summer," said Phil Barlow, president of Buena Vista Pictures Distribution, a Disney unit.)

On the other hand, sleeper hits included SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, DR. DOLITTLE and DEEP IMPACT, but especially THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY. THE MASK OF ZORRO also did well. LETHAL WEAPON 4 was a disappointment, given that it cost almost as much to produce than it has brought in. Massive bombs include BASEKETBALL, which didn't even make the Top-10 on its opening week and THE AVENGERS, bringing in ~23$M for a 60$M budget.

As for the *quality* of the movies, there can obviously be no numbers attached to that, right? Wrong! A hardy bunch of Internet-connected movie fans has been quietly compiling the ratings of major critics across America to come up with an incredibly useful "average" rating. Courtesy of the site at http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~ba547, here are quantified ratings for this summer's biggest 30 films, on a four-star scale:

Finally, if the movies of this summer shared a characteristic, it's that most of them were *long*. Two-hours action pictures used to be a rarity; Summer'98 had six of them!

(Times from the free Ottawa-area weekly alternative paper Capital City)

 

3. THE BAROMETER

Before getting in the strictly subjective part of this essay, let's first establish my credibility (or lack thereof) with a few rough rankings for last year's (1997) film crop:

GREAT	GOOD	AVERAGE	BAD
L.A.CONFIDENTIAL TITANIC GATTACA CONTACT MEN IN BLACK FACE/OFF	AUSTIN POWERS LIAR LIAR THE 5TH ELEMENT THE PEACEMAKER EVENT HORIZON CON AIR	VOLCANO THE LOST WORLD AIR FORCE ONE OPERATION CONDOR IN & OUT MIMIC	STARSHIP TROOPERS KULL THE CONQUEROR MORTAL KOMBAT II SHADOW CONSPIRACY BEVERLY HILLS NINJA METRO

 

4. SO, WHAT WAS THE BEST MOVIE OF THE SUMMER?

Much as I'd like to proclaim an overall champ, I can't. There are "good" movies, and there are "fun" movies. It would be unfair to judge them all according to the same criteria. Therefore, I have divided the movies in four rough groups.

Let's begin with my top three choices, all of whom could be considered "must-see" movies of Summer'98:

 

Truman Burbank is a perfectly normal human being. But when strange stuff starts happening around him, who is he really?

THE TRUMAN SHOW:

Spoiled by its promotion, mismarketed around Jim Carrey's comedic reputation, incorrectly hailed as "the movie of the decade", THE TRUMAN SHOW nevertheless touches a nerve in a media-obsessed society where privacy is constantly being eroded.

Jim Carrey is great as Truman Burbank, the other actors aren't bad, the directing is appropriate and the script is pretty good. However, Truman's gradual world-view shift would have been so much more shocking if they hadn't been pre-revealed by the infamous promos. This is one movie to see "cold".

THE TRUMAN SHOW works better when considered metaphorically rather than literally; some of the working details don't make much sense. On the other hand, it's an enjoyable romp with several good scenes and a sustained pace. Even though I have problems with aspects of the conclusion (Cristof's last speech to Truman seemed unnatural), the very last scene is absolutely *perfect*... although I doubt that most filmgoers will realize that the best joke of THE TRUMAN SHOW is ultimately on them.

In a summer marred by the Clinton/Lewinsky "affair" and the underlying questions of presidential privacy and media obsessiveness, this movie touches a question that's too important to ignore. In a way, the concept of THE TRUMAN SHOW is so promising that almost any movie would fall short of expectations. Nevertheless, this is one of the best Hollywood film you're likely to see any time soon.

 

A caped crusader named after an animal battles forces of evil from behind a black mask! No, not Batman, you fool! Zorro!

THE MASK OF ZORRO:

Sometimes, it's better to be conventional. At first glance, there's nothing very exciting about THE MASK OF ZORRO's concept: A masked guy (yawn), swordfighting (yawn) evil Spaniards (yawn) in 19th century California (yawn).

That's before seeing THE MASK OF ZORRO, which is one of the purest out-and-out superhero adventure you can imagine. Zorro himself is a study in style, with the appropriate flourish of swordfighting, the impeccable costume and the audacious stunts. Antonio Banderas brings authentic looks and charisma to the title character. Add to that a crusty mentor played by Anthony Hopkins, a bodacious babe (relative newcomer Catherine Zeta-Jones), evil but not-too-threatening villains, a familiar adventure-story structure (just compare this movie to a James Bond film), great stunts, a large dash of humor strengthened by perfect timing and the result is something that has been seen countless times, but has rarely been as well-executed. The swordfights themselves are incredible, and mostly filmed in long shots so you can take the time to appreciate them.

You wouldn't think that you'd crave this kind of stuff, but THE MASK OF ZORRO not only fulfils your evening, but whets your appetite for other good swashbuckling movies. This summer's most satisfyingly "fun" blockbuster, without excessive violence or nudity. Great fun for everyone. Bring the whole family.

 

1944. Shortly after D-Day, a team of American soldiers is asked to find one man in war-torn France. Is he worth it?

SAVING PRIVATE RYAN:

You probably won't enjoy SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, and frankly, it might be essential that you do not. Steven Spielberg's latest masterpiece is a bravura performance of technical wizardry (sound, especially), storytelling tricks and gritty directing solidly based on a good script and some exceptional performances. It begins with what is already one of the great cinematic sequences: An amazingly realistic recreation of the American assault on Normandy's beaches on D-Day. Viewers expecting a jolly fun war movie could have trouble holding down their lunches.

After that, the movie slows down in an episodic structure that's something of a letdown. Characters are held at arm's-length (which might be preferable, since most of them bite it) and the "present-day" segments are of a maudlin tone that jars you out of the movie. Still, SAVING PRIVATE RYAN raises intriguing issues about the relative worth of a man's life. In this, Spielberg makes neither pro or anti-war statements, being content with presenting war as it is. Viewers are left to their conclusions.

Not as great as claimed -as mentioned, I have issues with the structure and the characterization-, SAVING PRIVATE RYAN is nevertheless one of the few must-see movies of the summer. Not really for the fun of it more than the docu-fictive experience.

 

5. ANYTHING ELSE WORTHWHILE?

Even through they fail at greatness, more than a few movies this summer have achieved cinematic goodness. In some cases, particular aspects of the movie bring down the remainder of it. In others, you'll find here absolutely perfect sub-genre movies which can't be fully appreciated by non-fans. In any case, here are some more good choices from Summer'98:

 

Normal cop-and-robber movie until the cop falls for the robber. But then again, he's George Clooney and she's Jennifer Lopez.

OUT OF SIGHT

I had a very real problem trying to evaluate OUT OF SIGHT. On one hand, this isn't a bad, cheap, exploitative movie: The script is very solid (one of this year's best adapted screenplays), the actors are great, the directing is good... and yet, I can't really say that I enjoyed OUT OF SIGHT as much as some other inferior movies of this summer.

OUT OF SIGHT is an odd duck in today's rapid-fire cinematic landscape. It takes the time to set up characters and situations, with the result that there isn't much action here. Despite the technology, it feels like a seventies-era film magically re-released today. As such, it might appear slow and pondering.

Yet, there is nothing *wrong* with OUT OF SIGHT, and a lot to like: Jennifer Lopez is excellent, as is George Clooney. Steven Soderbergh's direction is interesting, though the freeze-frame gimmick didn't work for me. The script takes chances by telling the story in non-chronological order, thus making a simple story more interesting that it would have been otherwise. The cinematography is clever, shooting all the Florida scenes in vibrant hot colors, and the Detroit scenes in cold dark blues.

More than anything, OUT OF SIGHT taught me that I'm going to movies for a spectacle. This movie could have been made for television that it wouldn't be radically different.

I'm still glad I saw it.

 

Oh no! An asteroid is headed for Earth! What to do? Call Bruce Willis, and let him give it hell, of course!

ARMAGEDDON

It was difficult not to be excited about ARMAGEDDON. Directed by the capable Michael Bay (whose hyperkinetic style gave THE ROCK an extra layer of fun), produced by actionmeister Jerry Bruckheimer and starring all-American hero Bruce Willis along with quirky favorites like Steve Buscemi and Billy Bob Thornton, ARMAGEDDON seemed like the sure-fire hit of the summer.

According to box-office gross, it was. According to critical reception, it wasn't. All of ARMAGEDDON's problems stem, I think, from the same source: It's the ultimate summer movie. It has put too much sugar in the recipe and the result is too loud, too incoherent, too quickly cut. Which doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it. It's immensely exciting and touches a personal nerve in its unwavering support of space exploration. But, as my headache (caused by other factors; reinforced by the film) was being pounded in action, I felt numb and weary. Almost no shot lasts more than five seconds; often we don't have a clue what's happening. Add to that the scientific ludicrousness of the whole thing and the horrible dialogue and the result is a fast-paced mess. This dog of a movie is a chihuahua on speed-laced espresso.

I would gladly pay money for a non-director's cut: Keep the action, add another half-hour of longer shots and more coherent editing to this movie and you get a magnificent, unbeatable action miniseries. In the meantime, it's a movie to be enjoyed with caution. And aspirin.

 

Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Rene Russo, Jet Li, Joe Pesci, Chris Rock, stuff that blows up. Who needs a plot summary?

LETHAL WEAPON 4

On one hand, LETHAL WEAPON 4 is the ultimate perversion of the original LETHAL WEAPON. On the other, it's like visiting old friends, having fun and finding out that everything's just fine.

The original LETHAL WEAPON was an intense drama about a suicidal, borderline psychotic L.A.P.D. officer. LETHAL WEAPON 4 is a riotous action comedy. Premise and characters have evolved.

For most, this won't be a problem since LETHAL WEAPON 4 is so entertaining. The movie as a whole makes no sense: it's about something like a Chinese money counterfeiting plot that goes wrong. Never mind; the action sequences are what keeps the audience in their seats, and fortunately the film contains one of the most memorable car chases of the year.

Given the six big stars in the movie, it's regrettable to see that Rene Russo is criminally under-used, and the impressive Jet Li is reduced to pandering to the lack of acrobatic talent of Gibson and Glover.

Otherwise, the banter between the characters is fun, and the emotional manipulation of the audience through pregnancies, quiproquos, a house fire, a dead turtle speech and pushy music works reasonably well. For fans of the series and action addicts.

But it could have been so much more...

 

What if a hostage-taker is also trained negotiator? Can you negotiate with someone who knows all the rules?

THE NEGOTIATOR

In an age where popular cinema is becoming an exercise in bigger and noisier spectacles enhanced by visual effects and other gimmicks, it's interesting to see an action drama depending in large part on the capacities of its two lead actors.

And what two actors! Kevin Spacey and Samuel L. Jackson are each capable of projecting high levels of intensity: Both of them in a single movie is a frightening -but welcome- sight.

Harsher critics will say that THE NEGOTIATOR needed the good actors to compensate for its other weakness. Without being as hard on the movie, this isn't far from the truth: the script is weak at the beginning (where it doesn't really set up a good atmosphere of police camaraderie) and again at the end, where a good conclusion could easily have been great. Some surprises are foreseen a good half-hour in advance, and the presence of some supporting characters could have been improved.

But otherwise, the movie is pretty good: The cinematography is gritty and absorbing. The directing (from rookie Gary F. Gray) is exciting, yet restrained compared to the work of other action directors --hence more effective. The middle part of the movie is enjoyable, and the movie offers an intriguing look in the profession of negotiators.

Plus, it's smarter than the usual Hollywood thriller.

 

Two unemployed losers create a silly sport and find themselves famous. Will their friendship resist power and money?

BASEKETBALL

This movie bombed at the box-office. Badly. Budgeted at over 30$million, it didn't even make the top ten in its first weekend of release, and was never seen again. It appeared at our second-run theatre the second weekend.

But, as any fan of Weird Al Yankovick's UHF and Bruce Willis' HUDSON HAWK will tell you, commercial success is a lousy indicator of how funny a movie is. BASEKETBALL can't be considered a comedy classic, but still manages to pack some punch; much more than what could be expected. I suspect that being cynical about big-league sports is almost a preresquite for enjoying BASEKETBALL's jabs at professional sports and the unhealthy corporate/athletic connection.

Fans of South Park's creators (who star in BASEKETBALL) will be half-pleased: While the humor here does not go as far in raunchiness than the cult TV series, it must be said that both Matt Parker and Trey Stone give good, solid, funny lead performances.

Compared to this summer's other comedies, BASEKETBALL has, yes, more intelligence, but also a willingness to include the type of absurd gags that I crave. Hence, maybe, the public's reaction and my higher rating to BASEKETBALL than to the infamous THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY.

Although the attractive cheerleaders in skin-tight leather underwear *may* have something to do with it too...

 

Half-human, half-vampire, Blade hunts those who hunt humans. For revenge, but also to show off his stylish garb.

BLADE

There are good movies, fun movies, fascinating movies and moving movies. Then there are *Cool Movies*. Not necessarily good, usually far from being moving, fun for only a small segment of the audience and fascinating more in a teen obsessive way than in an intellectual sense, Cool Movies are a different brand of celluloid.

You watch and re-watch them with equal pleasure. You force your tape on unsuspecting friends. You catch yourself using quotes from the movie in normal conversation. You spend some time daydreaming about being a character in the movie. When asked about the movie, you break into a large grin and say "Coooooolll..."

BLADE is the Coolest Movie of Summer'98.

As in most Cool Movies, it's based on a hero unlike anything you've seen before. That protagonist here is Blade, a human/vampire hybrid equipped to the max with drool-inducing weaponry and gadgets. Wesley Snipes brings a humorless, but effective attitude to the title role.

BLADE also revives the half-dead vampire genre by complexifying the mythos and inserting a clever comment about old-vampire/new-vampire stories in the subtext. The worldbuilding is great.

But Cool Movies live or die on the direction, and BLADE really excels here. The fight scenes are breathtaking, over-the-top, and genuinely exciting. The techno soundtrack works very well. The opening sequence is one of the most perfect character introduction in recent memory.

A lot of people will *not* like BLADE. Those who do, however...

 

6. ANY VIDEO CHOICES LEFT?

From time to time, we plunk down somewhere and wait, mouth slightly open, for something that will keep us there, reasonably entertained if only for a few moments. The quality of the movie is pretty much irrelevant: Even significant flaws will not matter. Here are some decent choices for a video rental:

 

Jake hasn't seen Mary in thirteen years. He finds out she's a fox, and she's available. Trouble is, he's not the only one...

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY

Human tragedy is frequently funny, as long as it doesn't happen to us. That's basically the hidden assumption behind THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY, an unabashedly offensive comedy that was the sleeper hit of Summer'98.

Subtlety? Unknown; grossing out the audience seems to be the operating principle. Before the end credits roll (and even during part of the credits), expect to be simultaneously repulsed and amused by gags about mentally retarded people, crutches, bodily fluids, genitalia-caught-in-zipper, sun-wrinkled breasts, homosexuals, hyperactive pets and almost-dead dogs.

Trouble is: It's funny. Incredibly funny. You're in the theatre, wishing you could stop laughing but you *can't*. You want to kick yourself for being amused by such juvenile shtick, but at the same time you're screaming for more!

Now, THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY *has* qualities beyond the gross-out factor: Good characters, good script, nice story, various comedic approaches. More importantly, it has a certain amount of *heart* and cohesiveness that's missing from recent attempts at the "satire"-type of comedy. Nevertheless, I *cannot* bring myself to recommend it; I'd feel ashamed if I did. But it's funny.

Very funny.

 

Oh no! A comet is going to smash Earth! What to do? Why; tell inane human dramas and let everyone have a good cry, of course!

DEEP IMPACT

Hollywood likes to do things in pairs, and 1998 is no exception. After dual Robin Hoods (1991), dinosaurs (1993), tornadoes (1996) and volcanoes (1997), the latest disaster craze is Earth-smashing objects.

But unlike ARMAGEDDON's gung-ho trigger-happy approach, DEEP IMPACT concentrates on the human side of such an event: How do you ensure that a part of humanity survives? What are the reactions of the doomed ones? What motivates persons to sacrifice themselves?

Good questions, but the execution is so plodding, by-the-numbers and stunningly unimaginative that DEEP IMPACT is a lot like watching a TV movie with really good special effects. Problem is, DEEP IMPACT doesn't have four hours with which to develop the characters; we're left with unsympathetic, cardboard half-caricatures. The film shows clear signs of having been rushed through post-production: essential SFX shots are missing.

Still, it tries. The result spans the whole spectrum between effectiveness and embarrassment. The science also tries to be exact, and ends up with fewer bloopers than usual. But the overall result is a disappointment. Not bad, not good: Okay.

After seeing DEEP IMPACT, people kept asking me is ARMAGEDDON would be better. My standard reply was that better or not, it would be difficult to make an asteroid movie any less fun.

 

Big Lizard Smashes New York.

GODZILLA

No but really, what did you expect? The dumb-and-dumber team that made INDEPENDENCE DAY now united to take on the monster that's usually used to define both crummy B-movies *and* cheap sci-fi. Everything about the project said "garbage!" Most people at least expected "Profitable garbage!" The reality was underwhelming: GODZILLA brought back more than its cost, but scarcely nothing more.

And North America -not to mention Internet newsgroups- *hated* GODZILLA: Shoddy script, vomit-inducing dialogue, laughable acting, inconsistent effects... All the bad points of ID4, blown up for all to see.

And yet... it's kinda fun. Even though people sitting three seats away could hear my groaning, I must say that I was enjoying myself in a typical B-movie way. While I'd look on impassively as the creators of this atrocity would be dragged in the backyard and shot, I'll admit that I had some fun.

Not a lot of it, and surely not as much as a properly-made GODZILLA would have brought, but sufficiently to restrain me from burning down the neighborhood theatre.

 

If your roommate commits suicide, you get an automatic A+. Are you desperate enough to ensure that this happens?

DEAD MAN ON CAMPUS

A college comedy is, almost by definition, incomprehensible to anyone not remotely of college age. DEAD MAN ON CAMPUS is no exception, which -I suspect- accounts for the rather tepid reception it received.

The surprising thing is that, even though I expected the worst, it's not a bad movie! Granted, it's not memorable, nor does it have scenes that will send you rolling in the aisles, but it's good enough for a video rental. Though that's not much of a reference, it's better than PCU.

Much like John Belushi's Bluto was the highlight of the campus comedy ANIMAL HOUSE, this time it's a psychopath named Cliff who's the highlight of DEAD MAN ON CAMPUS. Cliff is the perfect suicidal fun-loving party-animal: He sets hair on fire, shoots at policemen and jumps from second floors to have a good time. Stay after the credits.

Cliff isn't the only memorable character, even though the two leads are a bit too bland. Watch out for the goth singer and the Bill-Gates-obsessed Computer Nerd. Ultimately, DEAD MAN ON CAMPUS is more clever than expected. The ending, in particular, isn't particularly obvious from the start.

For fans of dark humor who still like happy endings.

 

7. WHAT ABOUT THE REST?

Finally, we get to the bottom of this summer's barrel. This is actually an encouraging section: While there are my least-favorite films of this summer, they're still much better than last year's selection of KULL THE CONQUEROR or MORTAL KOMBAT II!

 

Mulder. Scully. Aliens. Conspiracies. Spooky music.

THE X-FILES

Watching THE X-FILES, in addition of making me contemplate the mercenary intent of Chris Carter, reminded me of all the reasons why I occasionally watch "The X-Files", but haven't got around to make it a habit.

On the plus side, it's usually good drama. Chris Carter is not a bad writer, and the conceptual framework of the series is excellent. Furthermore, the X-Files team had the luck to bring together a bunch of unusually good technical people, who gave the series an already cinematographic look. Say what you will, "The X-Files" is a very well-made show.

On the other hand, I despise the paranoia exhibited by the series, or rather, I kind of enjoy it, but *hate* it when people believe in that stuff. The mystique of the X-Files is not something I admire. Then, you've got the episodic nature of the show, which essentially means that as long as people will want to see "The X-Files" (on TV or at the movies), there will always be an unanswered question. Mulder and Scully can never solve the whole mystery, because after that, there's nothing left to do!

THE X-FILES movie adds to that some lousy science, numerous logical bloopers and unconvincing plotting. It was pleasant to look at, it was even entertaining for two hours but I didn't think it was very good.

 

What if toy soldiers could really do everything they do in commercials? Including shooting at people?

SMALL SOLDIERS

Through happenstance and a good contact, I had the opportunity to read SMALL SOLDIER's script in March. It was an interesting screenplay about toy soldiers equipped with military technology, who somehow go berserk and start shooting and destroying everything. I wasn't too enthusiastic about some aspects of the script, mostly the romance and insipid "human" segments. For some reason, I kept visualizing it as an Animaniac episode. My doubts deepened when I heard that it was to be a live-action movie (huh?) with CGI toys.

The end result keeps more or less the same premise, but otherwise completely changed the script. While the result is tighter and better, some of my favorite moments of the original script are gone: They flattened anything even remotely outstanding, and the result is very ordinary. The final movie is a by-the-number exercise, with good special effects but an otherwise cheap-looking style. It has reportedly been done earlier, and better, with GREMLINS. If ever you wanted proof that special effect cannot sustain a movie my themselves, look no further than SMALL SOLDIERS.

This is not really a movie for young children. Teens might like it, but adults risk being bored during the non-action scenes.

 

There's an assassination during a boxing match, and it's up to corrupt cop Nick Santoro to find out who really did it.

SNAKE EYES

Most movies start up slowly and build to a good climax. SNAKE EYES starts off in an absolutely terrific way, but gradually loses steam as it advances, only to end on one of the most god-awful conclusion you're likely to see this year.

A large part of this decline can be attributed to the script, which is really a fairly ordinary whodunit that seems more complex due to various storytelling tricks. Brian de Palma's direction is up to its usual quirkiness, here best exemplified by the seemingly-uncut 13-minute opening segment, and a cute -but useless- shot looking down in several hotel rooms. Nicholas Cage starts out grrrreat as Nick Santoro, but loses his energy as the script thrashes the character.

Cool-looking, absorbing but ultimately unsatisfying, SNAKE EYES attains a summit of incoherency with its conclusion, which pulls a coincidence out of nowhere and cheats the viewer out of a satisfying confrontation. It's well-documented that the original ending (where the hurricane devastated Atlantic City in a big CGI sequence and the two main characters fought in a water-filled tunnel) was cut due to test screening results. I say DOWN WITH TEST AUDIENCES!

To be honest, you probably won't notice the flaws of SNAKE EYES until you're driving home. But by the time you park the car in your driveway, the movie will be utterly destroyed.

 

Otherwise, I am pleased to say that I did not *hate* any movie this summer, which is a welcome change from past years.

 

8. MOMENTS, LISTS AND AWARDS

*SPOILERS*

Best moments: Interestingly, ask people about movies and most of the time, they'll remember quotes, events, moments, sequences rather than the whole film. This summer had quite a few moments of beauty...

• The Omaha beach sequence in SAVING PRIVATE RYAN.
• The last battle in SAVING PRIVATE RYAN.
• The slaughterhouse sequence in BLADE; not only one of the bloodiest sequence in the history of cinema, but most importantly one of the most terrific character introduction in recent memory.
• The final battle in BLADE, which redefines "over-the-top".
• The infamous "hair gel" gag in THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY; laughter from this (and the follow-up visual gag) practically lasted a full half-minute in my theatre.
• The also-infamous "stuck-in-zipper" shot in THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY: Not funny in itself, but incredibly shocking: you *will* remember it.
• The fight with the dog in THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY. Preceded by a superb lead-in and strengthened by the next following scenes.
• The 13-minute-long, seemingly "uncut" opening shot of SNAKE EYES
• The "top-down-through-hotel-rooms" shot in SNAKE EYES
• The terrific car chase in LETHAL WEAPON 4; more particularly, the through-the-building scene. This sequence got an ovation at my theatre.
• The destruction of Paris, and the New York sequence in ARMAGEDDON. Includes the required Bruckheimer car crash.
• The "Come Together" montage in ARMAGEDDON, quickly followed by the embarrassingly silly physical/psychological testing in ARMAGEDDON. "...and we don't want to pay any more taxes. Ever."
• The Traffic Jam / Comet impact(s) in DEEP IMPACT
• The lovely it's-over-no!-it's-not-over pull-back/pull-in camera shot in GODZILLA. One of the few clever things in the movie.
• Crossing the Bridge in THE TRUMAN SHOW
• The two "paranoia" scenes in THE TRUMAN SHOW
• The introduction of THE MASK OF ZORRO, devoid of credits.
• The intercut seduction scene in OUT OF SIGHT
• The Barbie dolls attack in SMALL SOLDIERS
• The credit sequence in DEAD MAN ON CAMPUS

 

Worst moments? Fortunately, my memory has thankfully blocked most of the really horrible stuff, except for these few clunkers:

• The scene between hero and heroine in GODZILLA where he just got fired because of what she's done, and the strongest emotion he can find is some sort of polite disapproval. *I* could write a better scene than this.
• All Siskel and Ebert "jokes" in GODZILLA. About as subtle, mature and funny as two children throwing snot at passerbys.
• "It's an island, surrounded by water" (GODZILLA) WINNER! "Stupidest line of the summer!" award!
• "That's a lot of fish!" (GODZILLA) WINNER! The "duh-uh-uh!" award of achievement for most obviously redundant line of the summer!
• Heck, all non-SFX shots in GODZILLA...
• "This is turning into a surrealistic nightmare!" (ARMAGEDDON) Hey! You're not supposed to read out the descriptions in the screenplay!
• A lot of the "drama" in DEEP IMPACT, more pointedly the marriage between the two 14-year-olds.
• Everything concerning the "romance" in SMALL SOLDIERS
• The sequence with the destroyed house and the French parents trying to make the soldiers protect their daughter in SAVING PRIVATE RYAN.
• The guy-trying-to-get-his-crutches scene in THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY
• BASEKETBALL, Marlon Brando's liposuction and a straw. 'nuff said.

 

Best performances:

Unlike 1997, which sported no less that three pretty young blonde female scientists and a few other solid female roles, 1998 was a lackluster summer for actresses. Catherine Zeta-Jones might have a breakthrough performance in THE MASK OF ZORRO. Jennifer Lopez had a fantastic presence in OUT OF SIGHT and Cameron Diaz carried her ideal-girl persona through all of THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY. Otherwise, it was a summer of babes, wives or girlfriends or bland heroines like Mary Pituillo (GODZILLA), Teà Leoni (DEEP IMPACT), Carla Gugino (SNAKE EYES) and Liv Tyler (ARMAGEDDON).

Men fared better. Whether it was Tom Hanks, Matt Damon, Tom Sizemore or the remainder of the soldiers in SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, Jim Carrey and Ed Harris in THE TRUMAN SHOW, Kevin Spacey and Samuel L. Jackson in THE NEGOTIATOR, George Clooney in OUT OF SIGHT or Antonio Banderas and Anthony Hopkins in THE MASK OF ZORRO, a lot of roles were substantial enough to satisfy both performer and audience. Otherwise, Wesley Snipes (BLADE) and Nicholas Cage (SNAKE EYES) did good stuff with average material. Blockbuster-speaking, Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck (ARMAGEDDON) saved their honor and Jean Reno was the only good thing in GODZILLA. David Duchovny (X-FILES), Danny Glover and Mel Gibson (both in LETHAL WEAPON 4) turned out performances that were quite enjoyable while remaining strictly routine.

 

(Warning: Gratuitously sexist segment)

Females Goddesses of Summer'98? Obviously, no one can even touch sultry, sexy, substantial Catherine Zeta-Jones (THE MASK OF ZORRO). Otherwise, Jennifer Lopez (OUT OF SIGHT), Rene Russo (LETHAL WEAPON 4) and N'Bushe Wright (BLADE) were certainly very pretty to look at. Somewhat behind, Yasmine Bleeth, Jenny McCarthy (both in BASEKETBALL), Laura Linney and Natascha McElhone (both in THE TRUMAN SHOW) and Poppy Montgomery (DEAD MAN ON CAMPUS) were also quite easy on the eyes.

For some reason, I'm still wondering why they're trying to pass off Teà Leoni (DEEP IMPACT), Uma Thurman (THE AVENGERS), Liv Tyler (ARMAGEDDON), Mary Pituillo (GODZILLA) and Cameron Diaz (THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY) as total babes while they are so... ordinary.

 

A few suggestions for improvement:

GODZILLA: Re-make the story along the lines of MOBY DICK: Godzilla is the unstoppable force of nature that must be killed at all costs. Make the protagonist obsessed with the destruction of his sworn enemy even to the point of auto-destruction. For instance, make Godzilla kill the heroine early on. Of course, you'll have to re-write the heroine so that she's actually sympathetic...

THE TRUMAN SHOW:

• Co-worker Shannon Taylor had the following idea for an ending: Camera shot on the stairs outside the dome. Truman gets out, sits on the steps. End.
• Fellow moviegoer Martin Hache had another idea: Outside, Truman faces the inevitable horde of reporters and says to Cristof "See ya in court, you bastard!"
• Lose the Truman-in-front-of-mirror scenes. Too Carreylike.

SMALL SOLDIERS: Cut the romance, pump the rating to an R and hire Tarantino as writer.

DEEP IMPACT: Include the missing "missiles hit comet" SFX shot and either concentrate on the high-action, high-SFX side of things, OR the "human drama" segments. And cut the god-awfully stupid car crash at the beginning.

SNAKE EYES: Restore the original CGI tsunami-destroys-Atlantic-City ending, g'dang it!

 

9. BLOOPERS, SCIENTIFIC ERRORS AND LOGICAL PLOTHOLES

If you care about this kind of stuff, it's a well-known fact that most movies make logical, scientific or continuity errors. Here are a few of them from this season... be aware that most of those fall in the domain of nitpicks:

*CONTAINS SPOILERS!*

DEEP IMPACT: Comet tail incorrectly rendered in pre-hit shot; no ear-shattering sound when comet passes overhead; a motorcycle outruns a tidal wave; no tail impacts on Earth; the destruction of the comet will *not* vaporize everything in harmless fragments; landing on the comet by passing *into* the tail, hello?

GODZILLA: Oh boy... Lizards *can't* mutate to this size; helicopters can go *up*, y'know?; inconsistent size of Godzilla; incredibly inept military; two submarines plus a giant lizard *cannot* fit in a little river; much more available at the Internet Movie Database.

THE TRUMAN SHOW: Not enough cameras to cover the whole town; why send Truman over water for his job?; Do these actors get time off?; does the moon moves? Where was Truman before the dome?; how do they simulate weather?

OUT OF SIGHT: Inconsistent character motivation; why didn't she call reinforcements at the end; why hide hairpieces in a safe; would you *really* shoot at a safe?

ARMAGEDDON: All possible mistakes have been perpetrated in this, but still; inconsistent gravity on the asteroid; drilling 800 feet in a Texas-sized asteroid isn't going to help a lot; completely unrealistic asteroid; an American bomb expert doesn't know how to disarm his own bomb?; why put gatling guns on the drill machines?; much more available at the Internet Movie Database...

THE X-FILES: Why not simply kill nobody-believes-me Mulder?; completely unrealistic biology; isn't a new green park in the middle of a desert town a *tad* too suspicious?; how did Mulder finagle his snow machine and his trip to Antarctica?; a bee living 24+ hours in the fold of a coat without problems?

LETHAL WEAPON 4: How many freeways you know make a small detour for a building?; many, many coincidences like at the end, the way they knew that the exchange would take place in the warehouse...

SMALL SOLDIERS: Completely unrealistic computer science; the kid should have fried, fried, fried on the electric pole; a satellite dish will *not* protect you from EMP; so "military" chips are inherently evil, hmmm?

THE MASK OF ZORRO: Banderas learned awfully quickly how to be a gentleman; raised-like-an-aristocrat heroine immediately sides with the rebels; inconsistent force of the explosion.

THE NEGOTIATOR: No esprit-de-corps among policemen; why not simply kill the guy; shooting a computer doesn't destroy the information; who would keep sensitive information like *pictures of informants!* in easily-accessible format?; why store conversations on a *computer?*

BLADE: Who's going to be left to lunch on if all humans become vampires?; retrovirus therapy takes a *lot* of time; why don't the bystanders react from time to time?; Ancient Vampire temple in a *North American* city?

 

10. AS SORT OF A CONCLUSION...

There are a few conclusions that Hollywood moguls (and humble filmgoers) can learn from this summer:

1. The TITANIC effect is significant: Even though released in late 1997, TITANIC is probably the movie that has shaped summer'98. It has brought in new filmgoers back in theatres and set news standards of visual effects, production quality and word-of-mouth effectiveness. Even though none of the movies of Summer'98 were directly affected in production by TITANIC, the audience was. The overall effect will be felt in the next few years, when studios will try to emulate the movie in hope of obtaining even a small fraction of its success. Do not be alarmed by the high number of TITANIC citations in the next few paragraphs.
2. Special Effects do not a movie make: I think that the SFX revolution brought by JURASSIC PARK is finally maturing, five years after the fact: Spectacular digital effects are *not* the movie. After Spielberg's first dino movie, everyone jumped upon the fact that it's now easier and easier to make big-budget thrill rides while spending millions in SFX. Since last summer, however, we've seen several high-profile SFX failures (or modest successes): BATMAN AND ROBIN, VOLCANO, STARSHIP TROOPERS, ALIEN: RESURRECTION, DEEP RISING, SMALL SOLDIERS, THE AVENGERS... As explained earlier, both GODZILLA and ARMAGEDDON (like last year's THE LOST WORLD and THE FIFTH ELEMENT) didn't reach expectations, mostly because their scripts didn't sustain the fancy visuals. The biggest box-office success of late, ironically, is TITANIC, where the multitude of effects were used in a mature, responsible way totally inherent in the (rather satisfying) script.
3. It's the story, stupid!: While the art of screenwriting is still mainly imaginary, it's interesting to note that several of this year's top grossers have scripts that can plausibly be interpreted as good, or at least satisfactory: Both THE TRUMAN SHOW and SAVING PRIVATE RYAN were relatively well-written, while THE MASK OF ZORRO, THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY and (reportedly) DR. DOLITTLE and MULAN at least provided a solid script in their own categories.
4. Success isn't determined by gross, but you can have a few surprises: It used to be that you could have popular entertainment, or thought-provoking movies, but not both. Now, what happened? Besides TITANIC, which was loved by critics and adored by a significant segment of North America's population, this summer's biggest hits included SAVING PRIVATE RYAN and THE TRUMAN SHOW, both of which got very favorable reviews. (Though on the other hand, there's GODZILLA and ARMAGEDDON...)  Still, some movie didn't get the success they deserved: OUT OF SIGHT, THE NEGOTIATOR and BASEKETBALL deserved better than the relatively modest box-office gross.
5. The public is getting used to massive publicity campaigns: GODZILLA, THE AVENGERS, BASEKETBALL, ARMAGEDDON were all massively promoted, and yet... Indeed, the success of "good" movies (more especially the sleeper hit THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY) indicates that word-of-mouth may be the best indicator to eventual success. Again, we can reasonably speculate about the rise of word-of-mouth "networks" of friends in the wake of TITANIC.
6. Enough with stuff-smashing-Earth movies! Especially if you can't take the trouble to make a *good* stuff-smashing-Earth movie.
7. Satire-type comedy is dead, alas: I loved the AIRPLANE! movies, the HOT SHOTS! series and the TOP SECRET! singleton, but I must admit that the latest offerings (including the horrendous SPY HARD two years ago) were bad. Despite the fact that BASEKETBALL did not suck, I felt absolutely no impulsion to go see either MAFIA! or WRONGFULLY ACCUSED. It seems like most people thought samewise. It's a shame, really, because when you rewatch the classic movies of the genre, they're still as funny as they were; the spirit seems to have gone out of the genre.
8. Don't try to put TV shows on the silver screen: Fox thought it would rake in the big bucks with X-FILES. What it found out, to nobody's great surprise, is that only fans and casual viewers went to see the movie. It was a modest success, but not a blockbuster. Fortunately, this might curb the inclinations of other producers into turning out future TV episodes for 8.5$C.
9. August doesn't suck: It used to be that August was a dumping-ground for all the rotten movies that the studios desperately wanted to release while schools were out and people still wanted to go and experience air-conditioned theatres. A few years ago, however, things started to change: THE FUGITIVE and CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER came out, then things started to get blurry. Additionally, as studios are releasing more and more high-budget summer-type blockbusters in the September-November timeframe (1997: THE PEACEMAKER, STARSHIP TROOPERS, ALIEN 5), August is acquiring a different reputation. Despite relative bombs like THE AVENGERS and DEAD MAN ON CAMPUS, there was also fairly-good stuff like THE NEGOTIATOR and BLADE (not to mention the late-July SAVING PRIVATE RYAN) making competition to the June-July crop... which is how this summer was arguably saved by August.

 

A. UPCOMING ATTRACTIONS!

You would think that this summer would be enough to satisfy everyone. But noooo! There's still some exciting stuff to come in the four next months. Let's take a look at some of it:

Barely out of the summer season: Jean-Claude Van Damme in KNOCK OFF (September 4)

Among this fall's surest bets is RONIN, the DeNiro/Reno thriller (directed by suspense master John Frankenheimer). It looks like this year's THE PEACEMAKER. If it can live up to its promise as one of the greatest car chase movies ever, it's going to be great. (September 25)

You want more thrillers? You are in luck! The upcoming Jackie Chan / Chris Tucker action-fest RUSH HOUR should also provide at least 90 minutes of entertainment to fans of these two performers. (September 18) Then comes Bruce Willis and Denzel Washington in the "cerebral" THE SIEGE (November 6) and Willis Smith and Gene Hackman in ENEMY OF THE STATE (November 20). Expect a lot of guns'n'mayhem.

Supernatural movies also seem to be in vogue for late 1998: From the afterlife drama WHAT DREAMS MAY COME (with Robin Williams; October 2) to the Sandra Bullock/Nicole Kidman romantic comedy PRACTICAL MAGIC (October 16) and the Oprah Whitney/Danny Glover drama BELOVED (also October 16) to Brad Pitt playing Death itself in MEET JOE BLACK (November 13).

From Joe Black to Joe Young with MIGHTY JOE YOUNG, a remake of a ripoff of KING KONG starring a giant (animatronic/CGI) gorilla wreaking havoc in Los Angeles. Sounds like business as usual for Hollywood. (December 18)

Keeping my ear on the ground, I heard several good things about the low-budget uber-cool movie SIX STRING SAMURAI (September 18), the Canadian SF film CUBE (September 11) and the second movie by SOUTH PARK creator Stone and Troy, ORGAZMO (October 23). It is doubtful, however, that we will see these films up here in Ottawa...

Then you've got the occasional bizarro choice: why go see a film titled THE EXTREME ADVENTURES OF SUPER DAVE (September 25), THE RUGRATS MOVIE, (November 20) or BABE 2: PIG IN THE CITY (November 25)?

In the mood for silly comedies? Look no lower than A NIGHT AT THE ROXBURY (October 2), Eddie Murphy's HOLY MAN (October 9) or Adam Sandler's THE WATER BOY (November 6).

JOHN CARPENTER'S VAMPIRES (October 30) seems like one of this fall's surest choices for the young male demographics. It has been playing in France since this summer (garnering moderately good reviews) and seems to be a return to top-form by the once-very-very-cool director.

Science-Fiction fans will have to contend themselves with meager pickings: Apart from the sure-fire hit STAR TREK: INSURRECTION (December 11), there's only the Paul Anderson/David Peoples/Kurt Russell futuristic mayhem movie SOLDIER (October 23) to be enjoyed. Additionally, the Robert Rodriguez-directed, Kevin Williamson-scripted THE FACULTY (December 25) portent some interesting times ahead...

I've been hearing very good things about PLEASANTVILLE, (October 23) a story of 90s teens going back in a 50s sitcom. Reportedly, the "modern" teens stay in color while the "older" family stays black-and-white. Sounds intriguing.

Horror fans will be pleased to note that this fall is going to bring several more buckets of blood in their general direction: URBAN LEGEND (September 25), BRIDE OF CHUCKY (October 16), the reportedly unsettling APT PUPIL (by USUAL SUSPECT's director Brian Singer, from a short story by Stephen King: October 23), I STILL KNOW (November 20), FROM DUSK TILL DAWN: TEXAS BLOOD MONEY (December 11) and the mother of all horror flicks, a re-shot PSYCHO (December 4). Expect a lot of screaming, and not only from the audience.

Animated features fan will love this fall: Not only is there the all-CGI ANTZ (featuring the voice of Woody Allen: October 2) but also all-CGI animated flick A BUG'S LIFE (November 20) and the impressive-looking PRINCE OF EGYPT (December 18).

Internet romance? Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan in YOU'VE GOT MAIL (December 18). Female test rating response are reportedly exceptionally high.

Hot on the tracks of SAVING PRIVATE RYAN, here comes another WW2 epic, this time by respected director Terence Malik about the Pacific War: A THIN RED LINE (December 25). Whispers already say "Oscar-material" about this one.

 

Further down the line, expect the Jamie Lee Curtis horror/SF thriller VIRUS (January 15), Antonio Banderas as the Viking THIRTEENTH WARRIOR (January), Chow Yun Fat and Mark Wahlberg in the actionner THE CORRUPTER (February), Mel Gibson in the private investigator drama PAYBACK (February), the obscenely humorous SOUTH PARK: THE MOVIE (February), the sci-fi thriller SUPERNOVA (February; script said to be hugely unoriginal), the adaptation of Anne Rice's novel THE MUMMY (February) and the Keanu Reeves/Lawrence Fishburne SF film MATRIX. (May)

Things will attain a paroxysm on May 21st, with the first STAR WARS prequel. It's expected to roll over BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD 2 and most of the summer's other releases, which will probably include AUSTIN POWERS 2: THE WRATH OF KHAN (June), FREDDY VS JASON (July), DEEP BLUE SEA (July) and the adaptation of the popular computer game series WING COMMANDER. The Will Smith / Kevin Kline fourth-of-July blockbuster THE WILD, WILD WEST is expected to hold its own, though. (July 2)

 

Read MOVIES OF SUMMER'98 PART B: THE PARODY