From the Web Analytics Archive (2003)

For a long, long while, starting in 2002 when I could finally get reliable web stats about this site, I obsessed about “my” web analytics. How many visitors?  What browser did they use?  What were they looking for?  I published monthly summaries (which wasn’t all that obsessive, given how it led me to regular site improvements) and provided commentary.  I stopped in late 2010, when it became more of a chore than a fun thing to do.

By 2018, the site reports were cluttering the site with low-value content, and (after making a backup) I decided to clean up and delete those old reports.  Still, there were a few snippets worth preserving here, either for historical value, a few chuckles or a glimpse at old-school webmastering.  Here it goes, copy-and-pasted more or less chronologically from 2003, with additional commentary in [italicized brackets]:

January 2003

Here’s a selection of the January highlights for christian-sauve.com:

 

1. Mmm. Numbers…

My Prickly “Urchin” web stats engine tells me that…

Report for: christian-sauve.com, December 2002 Total Visitors 4,378  Total Pageviews 8,605  (Corrected Total: 5,136) Average Pageviews Per Day 277.6  (Corrected Average: 166) Total Hits 15,389 Total Bytes Transferred 256.3MB  Average Visitors Per Day 141 Average Hits Per Day 496.41  Average Bytes Transferred Per Day 8.266MB

The “corrected” numbers take out the CSS, robots.txt, PDFs, mis-filed graphic files (ICO, GIF, JPG) and other files mistakenly considered “pages” by the statistics pre-digestion engine. Total results are roughly equal to last month; corrected results are slightly lower.

In any case, our top ten most popular pages are

/www.christian-sauve.com/index.html        231 /www.christian-sauve.com/texts/free-movie-tickets.htm 224 /www.christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2001.htm      172 /www.christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2000.htm      139 /www.christian-sauve.com/reviews.html      127 /www.christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1999.htm      111 /www.christian-sauve.com/new-york/day_2.html          102 /www.christian-sauve.com/links.html         97 /www.christian-sauve.com/reviews/index.html 87 /www.christian-sauve.com/reviews/2002/books02f.htm     84

…which is roughly consistent with last month’s results. Gee, do you suppose movie reviews are popular…?

If you care about such things, (I do!), here’s a depressing look at browser statistics for the month (by visitors):

Explorer|6     1550 Explorer|5      1137 Scooter|3     592 Netscape|5      408 Netscape|4      176

…and once again, the Forever-Damned Netscape 4 browsers still account for nearly 4% of all visitors… sigh… though it seems to be slooowly dwindling down.

 

2. Where do these people come from?

Our top five sources of referrals (in visitors) were

google.com/search     889 yahoo.com/search     313 www.google.ca/search     214 yahoo.com/bin/search     137 msn.com/results.asp   93

…all of which rose slightly.  Go Google!

There were no new links seen this month.

 

3. Ohh! Reader comments!

Not much, but one of them made my month!

 

1. A very, very simple comment:

Thanks for reviewing Creature Tech.

Doug

For anyone keeping track at home, this is Doug TenNapel reacting to my review of Creature Tech, one of my favourite books of 2002. Needless to say, this comment left me speechless for a minute or two.

 

2. Now that I have a page on how to get free movie tickets, it looks as if I’m an authority on the subject.  Hence

are there any websites i can give my email and they will send me an opportunity to be apart of a premiere?

Alas, that would be too easy, wouldn’t it be? Nope, the hard way (become a super-celebrity, having friends in Hollywood) is still the best.

 

Interlude: Meanwhile, on another site…

I don’t just maintain christian-sauve.com.  I’m involved, in some capacity, on four other sites. While my personal site remains my primary focus, well, I’m paid to take care of the other ones. As it happened, my most interesting web-stuff in January 2003 happened there.

It began as I was reviewing site statistics at the end of the month. Something was obviously, dreadfully wrong with one of the sites: a massive bandwidth spike had nearly killed the server on two successive days, easily increasing by more than 700% the total amount of data we were sending out.

I checked the page views table. Nope, nothing there. I checked the new referring URLs list for the week. Uh-oh.

It turned out that something very important had happened that week, but I hadn’t connected the dots until that moment: Google had performed its monthly “Google Dance”, updating its database and more specifically, its image index.

As a result, whoever was looking for images about JOHN Q, THE SUM OF ALL FEARS or UNDERCOVER BROTHER (three recent DVD releases) saw our pictures come up first: As a too-good webmaster, I usually give out appropriate filenames to my images, and so got to the top of the list.

I’m sure that dozens of web surfers stole (saved) pictures off our web site those first few days. I’m not terribly concerned about them.

It’s those morons who can’t be bothered to outright steal the image that bother me. In flagrant ignorance of every shred of decent HTML advice, these people simply link to my site in order to display the images.

This is stupid for three reasons

  • It sucks my bandwidth: Nothing on the web is free. My hosting fees go, in large part, to pay for the bandwidth my hosting company has to buy in order to send out bits from my web page. By linking directly to my images, those pirates are simply stealing from my bandwidth rather than using theirs. In many cases, these morons are pirates. Nearly ten thousand hits (!!!) came from a warez site using my picture of JOHN Q as an advertisement for their newest DivX rip.
  • It shows an appalling lack of civility, HTML skills and design acumen: Not one of these thieves asked for permission. Not one of them seemed to have remembered the basic HTML advice given to newbies; DON’T LINK DIRECTLY TO IMAGES. Furthermore, I was aghast to find out that the images were not used to promote a cure for cancer or an extensive critical analysis of said films: In one particularly sad case, the LiveJournal gibbering idiot simply wrote “Last night, I saw [IMAGE]” Gaah.
  • I can now control their web page: I was a touch frustrated. So I renamed my “good” images to cryptic titles, and instead changed the images being used to display such slogans as “LiveJournal users are MORONS …especially when they steal pictures from other web sites” and “STOP STEALING IMAGES, you pirate”. These slogans now grace their web site until they (or I) take away these pictures. In the meantime, I can put hard-core pornography or pro-terrorist slogans instead… and there’s nothing they can do to stop me. They are, after all, using my resources.

My next step is to gently email the offenders and point out what’s been on their page for a week or so…

Moral of the story: Don’t annoy a webmaster.

 

4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the crowd-favourite section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various browsers to find christian-sauve.com)

 

4.1 – Top ten queries

Let’s take a look at the top ten search queries used to stumble upon my site:

free movie tickets  (x38) free movie screenings          (x28) solaris explanation  (x9) how to get free movie tickets   (x8) isbn lookup          (x8) solaris explained    (x8) françoise yip nude   (x7) amazon isbn          (x6) carolyn porco        (x6) sauve     (x6)

Same old, same old…

 

4.2 – My name is (what?)

Yep, the usual Christian stuff:

>christian advice on losing weight    >christian best movies 100    >christian book reviews jared diamond    >christian books ottawa     >christian fantasy writers    >christian films movies    >christian graffitis    >christian movie editing    >christian movie recommendation    &
gt;christian movie review (x3) >christian movie reviews (x3) >christian movie reviews trapped    >christian novel six figure book advances >christian parody within dracula    >christian recommended movies >christian movie tickets

Oh, those wacky Christians…

>Christian Sauvé (x3) >christian sauve (x3)

Hey!  Me!

 

4.3 – Local Issues

>film can ottawa hull    >how to get free food in ottawa  >ottawa famous player cinema  >porn theaters ottawa  >orleans cineplex odeon  >south keys cineplex odeon

Bleh. Movies. Food. Porn. It’s January. What can I say?

 

4.4 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

>solaris christian  >solaris film explained  >solaris movie explanation (x5) >solaris plot explanation  (x2) >solaris spoilers explanation  >solaris story explained

The Solaris huh-festival continues…

 

4.5 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!

Let’s rake the web logs for a sampling of America’s current celebrity perversions:

>angelina jolie nude scene from hackers scene number  >annette benning's hair (x3) >emma watson fake nude  >francoise yip  >halley berry naked movie  >julianne moore nude photo shortcuts  >kirsten dunst spiderman hairstyle  >leelee sobieski liaisons  >lela rochon stripper  >mia kirshner late nude shots  >penelope cruz's haircut  >phoebe cats nude  >rebecca pidgeon nude naked  >renee russo  >shannyn sossamon hairstyle  >sigourney weaver images aaah  >stories of ariana richards  >roselyn sanchez biography lesbian  >roselyn sanchez naked candid

!!! I especially like “Phoebe Cats” and “Sigourney Weaver images aaah”

>antonio banderas desperado texts music  >colin farrell naked (x2) >george clooney from dusk till dawn tatoo pictures  >honest peter facinelli nude review  >john cleese topless  >vin diesel avatars

Some are looking for guys too… But seriously: John Cleese? And why would Peter Facinelli be dishonest when nude?

 

4.6 – The Perv-a-tron!

>nude movie reviews

“Hi! Today, I’m reviewing SPIDER-MAN, but I’m doing so in the nude!”

>japanese leather hitwoman

Why does she have to be a leather Japanese hitwoman?

>wet t-shirt contest on californian beaches

Whee!

 

4.7 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>sandra bullock apology time travel

News flash!  Time travel is discovered, human history is in jeopardy, Sandra Bullock apologizes!

>fahrenheit 451 central idea >fahrenheit 451 christian (x3) >fahrenheit 451 original story >fahrenheit 451 worst book >fahrenheit 451 reviews (x2)

Apparently, it’s essay-writing season in high schools across America…

>i hate amelie poulin

Sacrebleu!

>1995 movie canada war

CANADIAN BACON.  Next!

>techno thrillers without the garbage

As opposed to garbage without the techno-thrillers.

>summary of movie baby genius

“Trash. Horrible. Beyond redemption. Avoid at all cost.”

You’re welcome.

 

Until next time, my name is Christian Sauvé and I remain… shivering in the Canadian winter.

February 2003

Here’s a selection of the February highlights for christian-sauve.com:

 

1. Mmm. Numbers…

My Prickly “Urchin” web stats engine tells me that…

Report for: christian-sauve.com, February 2003 Total Visitors 4,317  Total Pageviews 9,278  (Corrected Total: 5,825) Average Pageviews Per Day 331.35 (Corrected Average: 208) Total Hits 13,723 Total Bytes Transferred 261.7MB Average Visitors Per Day 154.17 Average Hits Per Day 490.1  Average Bytes Transferred Per Day 9.346MB

The “corrected” numbers take out the CSS, robots.txt, PDFs, mis-filed graphic files (ICO, GIF, JPG) and other files mistakenly considered “pages” by the statistics pre-digestion engine. Total results are roughly equal to last month; average numbers are higher given that February had only 28 days.

In any case, our top ten most popular pages are

christian-sauve.com/index.html         279 christian-sauve.com/texts/free-movie-tickets.htm  176 christian-sauve.com/reviews.html       167 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2000.htm       131 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2001.htm       129 christian-sauve.com/links.html         112 christian-sauve.com/texts/solaris-explanation.htm 110 christian-sauve.com/texts/100films.htm 107 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1999.htm       105 christian-sauve.com/francais/index.html           103

…which is roughly consistent with last month’s results. Gee, do you suppose movie reviews are popular…?  D’ya think SOLARIS might have confused a few people?

If you care about such things, (I do!), here’s a look at browser statistics for the month (by visitors):

>Explorer|6     1589 >Explorer|5      1034 >Scooter|3     450 >Netscape|5      420 >Googlebot|2     219

The most encouraging piece of news here is that for the first time I can recall, the accursed Netscape 4 disappeared from the Top-5 ranking.  Hurrah!

 

2. Where do these people come from?

Our top five sources of referrals (in visitors) were

google.com/search     885 yahoo.com/search     295 www.google.ca/search     203 msn.com/results.asp   115 yahoo.com/bin/search     115

Google stayed the same (during a shorter month), MSN rose slightly and Yahoo fell slightly.

There were no new links seen this month.

 

3. Ohh! Reader comments!

A few questions here and there:

1. I continue to confuse people. To wit:

(Referring to a section in my How to Get Free Tickets essay where I explain how winning contests can allow to to get ticket to Hollywood premiers.)

In one part, you say “unless you win one of those ‘buy SHMOZL and win tickest to the official premeiere’ there is no way to get in to the official premeire.” well, what is the ‘buy SHMOZL’ thing anyway? what does that mean

It means that I’m being too clever for my own good. “Shmozl” was used as a generic product name and, in reality, was inspired by the name of the beer in the “Achille Talon” comic strip.

2. A surfer wonders

do you have a review on Callahan Chronicals by Spider Robinson?????

Butofcourse!

3. SOLARIS continues to mystify people

Given that solaris re-created “human” entities, how was pseudo-snow created? Did chris died and thus existed in a re-creational way into solaris ?

See the explanation (updated) for details…

4. A friendly reader from Hawaii (Aloha!) writes to say

Found your Solaris explanation through google. Very nice recap, I enjoyed it. Nice of you to lay it all out on a webpage.

As long as I can help even one person, I’m happy to serve.

 

4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the crowd-favourite section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various visitors to find christian-sauve.com)

 

4.1 – Top ten queries

Let’s take a look at the top ten search queries used to stumble upon my site:

solaris explanation        (x21) free movie screenings      (x18) free movie tickets         (x12) solaris explained           (x7) sauve            (x7) solaris explanation movie   (x6) solaris movie explanation   (x5) sneak preview movie tickets (x5) movies before 1970          (x5) that bringas woman          (x4)

Same old, same old…

 

4.2 – My name is (what?)

Yep, the usual Christian stuff:

>christian bookstores new york city >christian convention setup >christian duds >christian flash movies >christian limericks example >christian mimes >christian movie reviewers (x2) >christian movies database >christian reviews of a series of unfortunate events >christian reviews the shawshank redemption >christian spoofs picture >losing weight the christian way (x2) >sexy christian woman gone wild

Oh, those wacky Christians… (and those mimes; they’re the worst)

>christian sauve (x3)

Yay!  Me!

 

4.3 – Local Issues

guru movie ottawa   1 movie theater listings ottawa   1 ottawa theaters   2 south keys cineplex theater ottawa   1 job search and web designer and rockland   1 vanier cineplex

Get job. See movie. Live in the Ottawa Area.

 

4.4 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

explanation of movie solaris   1 explanation of solaris   2 explanation of solaris movie   2 explanation solaris   2 solaris 2002 plot    1 solaris interpretation   3 solaris movie explained   3 solarisexplanationmovie   1

All around the world, audiences continue to be mystified by SOLARIS…

 

4.5 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!

Let’s study the web logs for a sampling of America’s current celebrity perversions:

>anna farris on naked 
>annette bennings hair (x2) 
>carmen electra the mating habits of  
>earthbound humans movie clips 
>eleniak under siege nude 
>garcelle beauvais themes 
>julia stiles sex scene o clip 
>kendra torgan (x2) 
>nude courtney love 
>pictures of heidi fleiss 
>pictures of vanessa williams 1997 video bet happiness 
>piper perabo slap her shes french quebec 
>roselyn sanchez lingerie 
>roselyn sanchez nude (x2) 
>roselyn sanchez pure. 
>salma hayek desperado nude scene 
>shannyn sossamon hairstyle (x2) 
>zhang ziyi hero nude movie clip

!!! So how do you want your Roselyn Sanchez? Nude, pure or somewhere in between wearing lingerie?

>christian slater nude scene (x2) >colin firth interview >collin farrell naked >wes studi nude >young mel gibson gallery

Some are looking for guys too…

 

4.6 – The Perv-a-tron!

>naked neutron jimmy

Eew.  That’s sick.

>free twisty clip sex

Shocking twist! You won’t see the ending coming!

 

4.7 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>1930s useless occupational book

Eh? Huh? Whaaat?

>an essay on killing lizards

“This is a lizard I killed.  An ex-lizard. This lizard is no more.”

>atlas shrugged punch drunk love

And the prize for weirdest crossover of the month goes to…

>canada invasion pl
ans >conspiracies fort drum >floyd w. rudmin

Good month, bad month, I get a few queries about Floyd Rudmin’s Bordering on Aggression. This is this February 2003’s crop.

>family dignity taken by voyeur

“Marcello! By parading naked in front of our picture window and allowing you to be seen by this peeping tom, you have destroyed the reputation of this great familia! Now, even our best hitmen cannot erase the great dishonour you have brought upon us! We disown you! Leave this country now!”

…and another great Italian-American crime saga is born…

>great intentions movie robert de niro  >   gwyneth paltrow -cruel intentions

Someone looking for “Great Expectations”…!

>kingpin nbc bad moral i want to contact  >   someone to stop this show

Awww. That’s so cuuute.

>tearjerker movies are the best

No!  They’re not!

>terrorist destroying a dam

Nothing to see here, move along…

>van damme abominable dvd

They pretty much all are. You’ve been warned.

>what street is symbolically the financial  >   center of canada

Bay Street. Toronto. You’re welcome.

 

Until next time, my name is Christian Sauvé and I remain… fascinated by my own web referral logs.

March 2003

Here’s a selection of the monthly highlights for christian-sauve.com:

 

1. Mmm. Numbers…

My Prickly “Urchin” web stats engine tells me that…

Report for: christian-sauve.com, March 2003 Total Visitors 5,073  Total Pageviews 10,730  (Corrected total: 6,529) Average Pageviews Per Day 346.12  (Corrected total: 210) Total Hits 16,285  Total Bytes Transferred 311.8MB  Average Visitors Per Day 163.64  Average Hits Per Day 525.32  Average Bytes Transferred Per Day 10.06MB

The “corrected” numbers take out the CSS, robots.txt, PDFs, mis-filed graphic files (ICO, GIF, JPG) and other files mistakenly considered “pages” by the statistics pre-digestion engine. Total results are higher than last month; even average numbers are slightly higher (a surprise given the extra three days in March).

In any case, our top ten most popular pages are

christian-sauve.com/index.html         363 christian-sauve.com/texts/free-movie-tickets.htm  203 christian-sauve.com/reviews.html       186 christian-sauve.com/texts/solaris-explanation.htm 171 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2001.htm       168 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1999.htm       138 christian-sauve.com/new-york/day_2.html           132 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2000.htm       131 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1998.htm       115 christian-sauve.com/links.html         100

…which is roughly consistent with last month’s results. Gee, do you suppose movie reviews are popular…?  D’ya think SOLARIS might have confused a few people? (Boy, I can’t wait until the DVD release)

If you care about such things, (I do!), here’s a look at browser statistics for the month (by visitors):

Explorer|6     2017 Explorer|5      1281  Scooter|3     585 Netscape|5      320 Netscape|4      301

The accursed Netscape 4 squeaks by to place in fifth place, though with a paltry 6% of all visitors (most probably helped by a heavy usage of the site by people at my workplace, still stuck with N.4x)

 

2. Where do these people come from?

Our top five sources of referrals (in visitors) were

google.com/search     903 yahoo.com/search     316 www.google.ca/search     225 yahoo.com/bin/search     139 msn.com/results.aspx   122

Slight increases in all cases but MSN, whose result was affected by a switch from ASP to ASPx result pages during the month.

There were no new links seen this month.

 

3. Ohh! Visitor comments!

Busy month for the christian-sauve.com mailbox.  Here’s a sample of what I got:

1. “Brother Chuck” wrote:

whats up brother in christ i am happy to write u this picks of note that gonna gives me joy whenever i remember to write u main,

…followed by a series of messages where he simply cut and pasted sections of my site back to me. Awww.

Alas, the email address he gave was invalid (which happens all too often when people can’t spell), so in the hope “Brother Chuck” is reading this, here’s the answer I wanted to send him:

Your happiness is heart-warming, but not as much as your insistence on copy-and-pasting two more of my own documents to me. Keep your good spirits up, remember to use good punctuation, don’t drink and post and the whole world will smile with you.

2. Constantine Valhouli, director of the documentary SEX, LIES AND SUPERHEROES, wrote to ask in part

I recently came across a mention of one of my upcoming films (Sex, Lies & Superheroes) on your web site, and was impressed by your writing. I wanted to drop a line to see if you might be interested in screening an advance copy of the film for review on your site?

My reactions were (in order)

  1. Hey, free movie!
  2. Hm. I better check the web site of the film. ( www.sexliessuperheroes.com )
  3. Holy crikey! Look at the people they interviewed for the film! I really want to see it!
  4. (reply:) If you can afford to ship to Canada and if it doesn’t matter that this site attracts only a dozen people per month, please send it!

I’ll let you know. But I really do want to see it.

3. Clint B. wrote to say

I totally agree with your review of Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451, and i am using it for a research project in my junior year english class. Thanks

To which I replied

No, thank you. After seeing, through referral logs, dozens of people using my web site for essay-writing assistance, you’re the first one to actually write me to notify me of the fact. You, sir, have class.  Keep it up.

4. The Mysterious yet refined “J” wrote to correct me on an embarrassing detail:

In “All the President’s Men” Woodward is played by Robert Redford – not Paul Newman! That said, I can understand the slip, considering that they mix well together like croutons and caesar salad.

Yikes – one of my favourite book/movie/actor too!  You can rest assured that the mistake was corrected minutes after receiving the email.

Love your reviews – except the one on “The Conversation”. If it didn’t hit you the first time – watch it again! (I, for example, consider it the predecessor for films like ‘Enemy of the State’)

“J” probably has a point. Though the links with ENEMY OF THE STATE are obvious (down to the latter movie using a photo of a younger Gene Hackman in the first film to establish background), I saw THE CONVERSATION in trying times, and could probably benefit from another -hopefully more relaxed- stab at the film.

5. Michael, the webmaster of “Necessary Narcissism”, wrote, wondering:

I was interested to see your link to our Necessary Narcissism site, and was wondering how you happened upon it?

Alas, my link to “Necessary Narcissism” was entirely coincidental.  Years ago, I had a series of pleasant emails exchanges between myself and a charming young lady who maintained a site also called, yep, “Necessary Nascissism”.  When, months ago, the site went offline (along, apparently, with the lady in question), I simply updated the link to the nearest Google equivalent.  Michael has since informed me that all links are purely accidental. Oops. That’ll teach me.

5. A concerned mother writes to ask

My son is supposed to read the book, “The Falling Angel” by William Hjortsberg for his 7th grade school literature group. This is our first year in public school. Pre school to 5th and 7th grade (two children) has been Christian schools. I read the book’s back cover and am not sure this is appropriate for him (or other young adults/teens) to read. The book delves into black magic, voodoo, mistresses, 666, …. and who knows what other “dark,” non Christian areas.

Have you read this book? If so, please provide some insight.

Boy, someone took a wrong turn on the “Christian” search queries. I tried to tactfully answer that

  1. I wasn’t the best person to ask given that, among other things, I hadn’t read the book.
  2. You can get reader comments from Amazon, and they definitely suggest that the book is, in fact, aimed at a more adult audience.
  3. I couldn’t pass the opportunity to affirm the Right to Read, whatever the age,
    whatever the subject. (and included a link to “The Student’s Right to Read”)

Apparently, I was either very convincing or not tactful enough, because I haven’t heard from this concerned parent since then.

 

4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the crowd-favourite section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various visitors to find christian-sauve.com)

 

4.1 – Top ten queries

>solaris explanation (x33) >free movie screenings (x29) >free movie tickets (x18) >solaris explained (x17) >solaris movie explanation (x15) >sauve (x7) >solaris movie explained (x6) >christian sauve (x5) >isbn lookup (x5) >movies before 1970 (x5)

So… people get free ticket to SOLARIS, and are then confused enough to look for explanations from me?

 

4.2 – My name is (what?)

>christian advice for losing weight >christian book promoter >christian critic of vonnegut >christian films comedy >christian flash movies (x2) >christian jokes >christian losing weight (x2) >christian meme theory >christian movie actors (x2) >christian movie ratings (x2) >christian movie reviewers (x2) >christian movie reviews (x2) >christian movie reviews manchurian candidate >christian opinions about author orson scott card >christian powerpoint flash >christian recommended movies (x2) >christian scientist essay >christian scientology medical >christian statistics >christian web page mistakes >christian movie reviews gattaca

After months of deriding these, you supposed I wouldn’t still be amazed by the curious habit to sticking “christian” in front of just about every word construction. But I still am, somehow. Still, the following managed to get a laugh out of me:

>why christian films suck

Er… Hint: Because they’re christian?

 

4.3 – Local Issues

>lescale rockland web page >st.laurent shopping mall

Hm. Not much there this month.

 

4.4 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

The Solaris Whazzat-fest continues:

>explanation movie solaris >explanation of solaris (x2) >explanation solaris >explanation solaris film (x2) >plot solaris film explained >snow solaris killed >soderbergh solaris explanation >solaris an explanation >solaris ending explanation (x2) >solaris explained clooney (x2) >solaris explanation ending rheya (x2) >solaris explanation george clooney (x2) >solaris explanation movie (x2) >solaris explanation soderbergh (x2) >solaris film ending explained (x2) >solaris film explanation (x3) >solaris film interpretation (x2) >solaris interpretation (x3) >solaris movie >solaris movie revision >solaris plot explanation (x3) >solaris the movie explained (x2) >solaris the movieexplanation >steven soderbergh solaris ending explained

Eh. This will explode when the DVD is released.

>the plot to memento makes it sound  like it ought to be a b movie

Well, that’s a new trick. Instead of having someone searching and reading one of my reviews, they search and I end up reading on of theirs. (Albeit a very short one.)

 

4.5 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!

So, who’s hot and who’s not?

>bad with numbers tia carrere >biodome rene zellweger >catherine zeta jones wedding hairdo >clea duvall clip scene natasha lyonne >clip of roselyn sanchez in rush hour 2 with lingerie  >confidence rachel weisz sex scene >emily mortimer spanking >erika eleniak nude (x2) >free mia kirshner nude >halle berrys exercise and diet >janeanne garofalo american flag >jennifer jason leigh allan cummings >jennifer tilly biodome >lucy liu dominatrix multimedia >monica bellucci images from brotherhood of the wolf >penelope cruzs haircut >rebecca de mornay costume risky business >roselyn sanchez in lingerie from rush hour 2 >roselyn sanchez nude free >roshumba williams pictures >selmablairnaked >shannyn sossamonhairstyle images >teà leoni pictures >thandie newtons nude picture >the haunting deleted catherine zeta jones kiss lesbian >the tuxedojennifer love hewitt nude >tian xin nude

Take your pick.

 

4.6 – The Perv-a-tron!

>see free movies of cheerleaders having sex in  public places.

As opposed to “see expensive movies of goth girls being bored in very private places”. Maybe. Oh okay, I give up; they’re no way I can bake fun of that.

 

4.7 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>action cinema film slut

Oh yes, that’s me. I’ll do anything for a really good action movie.

>historical romances sarcastic book reviews

Ooh.  Like my site is going to help.

 

Until next time, my name is Christian Sauvé and I remain… obsessed by web statistics.

 

April 2003

Here’s a selection of the monthly highlights for christian-sauve.com:

 

1. Mmm. Numbers…

My Prickly “Urchin” web stats engine tells me that…

Report for: christian-sauve.com, April 2003 Total Visitors: 5,862  Total Pageviews: 12,558  (Corrected total: 7,997) Average Pageviews Per Day 418.6  (Corrected average: 266.6) Total Hits: 20,221  Total Bytes Transferred: 370.0MB  Average Visitors Per Day: 195.4  Average Hits Per Day: 674.03  Average Bytes Transferred Per Day: 12.33MB

The “corrected” numbers take out the CSS, robots.txt, PDFs, mis-filed graphic files (ICO, GIF, JPG) and other files mistakenly considered “pages” by the statistics pre-digestion engine. All results are higher than last month, by a significant margin. I don’t know what’s happening, but I like it!

In any case, our top ten most popular pages are

christian-sauve.com/index.html         404 christian-sauve.com/texts/free-movie-tickets.htm  344 christian-sauve.com/reviews.html       240 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2000.htm       182 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1999.htm       179 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2001.htm       177 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1998.htm       155 christian-sauve.com/new-york/day_2.html           150 christian-sauve.com/contact.html       138 christian-sauve.com/texts/100films.htm 118

…which is roughly consistent with last month’s results. Gee, do you suppose movie reviews are popular…? The “contact” page is surprising, though… because far less than a hundred people are writing me!

If you care about such things, (I do!), here’s a look at browser statistics for the month (by visitors, last month’s results in parentheses):

Explorer|6     2347 (2017) Explorer|5      1126 (1281) Scooter|3      699  (585) Netscape|4       656  (301) Netscape|5       511  (320)

Briefly; IE5 users are switching to IE6, Netscape 5 is gaining ground and this regrettable uptick (from 6% to 11%) in Netscape 4 users was mostly due to an influx of visitors from my own organization (I’m organizing an online hockey pool), which is still sticking with Netscape 4.7x until the bitter, bitter end.

 

2. Where do these people come from?

Our top five sources of referrals (in visitors) were

google.com/search     987 (903) yahoo.com/search      338 (316) google.ca/search      212 (225) ask.com/redir         152 (new) msn.com/results.aspx  149 (122)

Slight increases in all cases but google.ca.  The surprise, of course, is ask.com’s first appearance in this top-5 ranking.

Few new links were seen this month, though my well-connected friend was kind enough to link to me on one of his LiveJournal entries, with scattered hits as a consequence. You rock, Eric!

 

3. Ohh! Visitor comments!

Moderately interesting month for the christian-sauve.com mailbox.  Here’s a sample of what I got:

1. Two people (one totally anonymous user from an AOL DNS, the other a New York State Librarian) wrote to me with blank comments.  Go figure.

2. A Belgian reader currently residing in Spain wrote to ask

Nice CSS — I’d like to see the .css, though! Any chance?

As usual, you can peek under the hood of this site at http://www.christian-sauve.com/cls.css

3. Finally, my big egoboo of the month was having a member of econcordia.com write to me to ask

We are currently working on an on-line course with Concordia University and we would like to use (this image) in this course. Would you give us permission to use it?

(The image in question is an ominous backlit shot of the UN building in New York.)

I, of course, was so pleased by the request that I immediately granted it, and even made the original higher-resolution picture available to them.

 

4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the crowd-favourite section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various visitors to find christian-sauve.com)

 

4.1 – Top ten queries

>free movie screenings        (x45) >free movie tickets           (x18) >solaris explanation          (x13) >patricia pearcy nude         (x10) >boss tweeds nemesis          (x10) >movie test screenings         (x6) >sauve   (x6) >amazon isbn        (x6) >christian movie reviews       (x5) >how to get free movie tickets (x5)

So… people like free movie tickets, don’t they?

 

4.2 – My name is (what?)

>christian book critic >christian book reviews sigmund >christian explanation of dreams >christian favicon (x2) >christian free movie (x2) >christian graffitis >christian harry potter philosopher stone reviews >christian imagery in pleasantville >christian movie ratings (x2) >christian movie reviews conspiracy theory >christian music soldiers of the cross backyard soldier  >christian reviews ghost of the abyss >christian sauve (x4) >christian t shirt parody tv >christian cheerleader detroit >christian frequency the movie >the power driven life book christian >the rockafeller skank have a similar christian song

After months of deriding these, you supposed I wouldn’t still be amazed by the curious habit of sticking “christian” in front of just about every word construction. But I still am, somehow.

 

4.3 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

The Solaris Whazzat-fest abates somewhat:

>solaris explained (x5) >solaris interpretation (x2) >solaris movie explained (x2) >solaris movie explanation (x4) >solaris plot snow >explanation of solaris movie

But given that we are in the lull between the theater and the video release, I expect this to pick up again in a big way in two or three months.

 

4.4 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!

So, who’s hot and who’s not?

>ariana richards rare >carmen electra pictures mating habits of the earthbound  humans >charlize theron nude in reindeer game movie >did fran drescher make a porn movie >emma watsons fact etc...... >essay on jennifer lopez acting >fran drescher porn >françoise yip picture >françoise yip biography (x2) >julianne moore nude picture in the movie shortcut >lesbian sex clip from mulholland drive >paula abdul marriages >pearcy patricia nude >rene zellweger see-through >renee zellweger diet jogging >roselyn sanchez nude >roselyn sanchez nude fake >salma hayek desperado nude

Take your pick.

 

4.5 – The Perv-a-tron!

>sexy fun-movies

Whee!

>cheerleader accidental nudity (x2)

I can just imagine the dialogue for this gem. “And, like, we were all naked by accident!”

>www.christian help fight with our enemy witch lesbian (x2)

This sounds both interesting and stupid. Please tell me more.

>caped asian vampire girl pictures

Now do me a favour and don’t tell me more about that.

>saskatoon hookers (x4)

How, oh how did I ever get to be an authority on this subject?  Oh: As it turns out, one of my pages has both “Cocaine-addicted MBAs were waking up minus the usual expensive hookers to their side and finally realizing t
hat the party was over” and “I chanced upon blacksun.ca, a Saskatoon company recommended by quite a few Usenetters” in it. You go figure the rest.

 

4.6 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

fahrenheit 451 afterword (x2) fahrenheit 451 book reviews (x3) fahrenheit 451 impact fahrenheit 451 publishers blurb fahrenheit 451 truffault montague farenheit or fahrenheit 451 why are a lot of characters mention in fahrenheit 451

Looks like essay-writing season to me…

>8.4 by peter hernon book summary >about 8.4 by peter hernon >peter hernon 8.4 >peter hernon's 8.4

Hm??  Why so much interest all of a sudden?

>what is a mole biker gang

Too easy. Must… Resist…

>worlds worst mistakes

Visting christian-sauve.com

>nanotechnology science fiction review banning crichton prey

Now now… It’s not a very good book, but I never suggested to ban it.

 

Until next time, my name is Christian Sauvé and I remain… obsessed by web statistics.

 

May 2003

Here’s a selection of the monthly highlights for christian-sauve.com:

 

1. Mmm. Numbers…

My Prickly “Urchin” web stats engine tells me that…

Report for: christian-sauve.com, May 2003 Total Visitors: 5,371   Total Pageviews: 11,265   (Corrected total: 6,967) Average Pageviews Per Day: 363.38   (Corrected average: 224.7) Total Hits: 17,203   Total Bytes Transferred: 340.6MB   Average Visitors Per Day: 173.25   Average Hits Per Day: 554.93   Average Bytes Transferred Per Day: 10.99MB

The “corrected” numbers take out the CSS, robots.txt, PDFs, mis-filed graphic files (ICO, GIF, JPG) and other files mistakenly considered “pages” by the statistics pre-digestion engine. All results are lower than last month, which is sort of a relief.

In any case, our top ten most popular pages are

christian-sauve.com/index.html     395 christian-sauve.com/texts/free-movie-tickets.htm     341 christian-sauve.com/reviews.html     233 christian-sauve.com/contact.html     180 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2000.htm     170 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1999.htm     161 christian-sauve.com/new-york/day_2.html     157 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1998.htm     150 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2001.htm     142 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2002.htm     123

…which is roughly consistent with last month’s results. Gee, do you suppose movie reviews are popular…? The “contact” page is surprising, though… because far less than a hundred and eighty people are writing me!

If you care about such things, (I do!), here’s a look at browser statistics for the month (by visitors, last month’s results in parentheses):

 Explorer|6     2254 (2347) Explorer|5      1283 (1126) Netscape|4       549 (656) Netscape|5       441 (511) Scooter|3      366 (699)

I have a dream: that one day, we will look at our browser statistics and proudly proclaim that Netscape 4.x is no more. Until then, though, pain.

 

2. Where do these people come from?

Our top five sources of referrals (in visitors) were

google.com/search     980 (987) yahoo.com/search      314 (338) google.ca/search      224 (212) ask.com/redir         165 (152) yahoo.com/bin/search  147 (new in Top-5)

Few surprises here, except that the lower number of visitors doesn’t seem to be due to a decrease in search referals.

One new backlink was spotted in the log this month: www.geocities.com/garpweb/freviews/ solaris.html is a review of the movie SOLARIS, with a link to my explanation page as “an interpretation I can almost agree with”

 

3. Ohh! Visitor comments!

Anemic month for the christian-sauve.com mailbox.  Here’s a sample of what I got:

1. An (unfortunately) anonymous reader asks

You did a pretty good job sizing up those movies, i was curious though. What of Waterworld? They had the huge budget loses like Battlefield Earth, however the story was at the very least in my opinion a pleasent one, and an intresting out look in to a future with out land, but still has alot of people addicted to smoking.

As it turns out, my correspondent is entirely right in pointing out that any mention of WATERWORLD is conspicuously absent of my site. (The film was released in 1995, I saw it on video in 1996 and I started reviewing all movies in 1997) As it turns out, I’m more or less neutral on the film. While I can be merciless in pointing out the inanity of the film (and the awful scientific mistakes), there are a few good things in it, and my reaction is closer to an indifferent shrug than a fire-and-brimstone denunciation of it. At the very least, it’s nowhere as bad as BATTLEFIELD EARTH.

2. An ex-colleague writes from Europe (hey, long time no talk!) and asks

I finally saw the Matrix, and would love to hear your rant on the film.

Which is as follow: (briefly)

So the film is long, pretentious and over-indulgent. I don’t care. THE MATRIX RELOADED kicks some serious butt. It rocks harder than Ozzy. It knocks the stuffing out of all so-called action-film wannabees of the year. It’s a gonzo offering by geeks for geeks; if you don’t understand why the film has a five-second snippet featuring a giant robot, then you don’t deserve to see the series. The Burly Brawl and the Highway Chase are two sequences worthy of the Action Hall of Fame.

 

4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various visitors to find christian-sauve.com)

 

4.1 – Top ten queries

>free movie screenings         (x47) >free movie tickets (x19) >solaris explanation           (x18) >sauve   (x13) >get free movie tickets        (x10) >how to get free movie tickets  (x8) >jason statham biography        (x8) >free movie premiere tickets    (x7) >isbn lookup         (x7) >advance movie screenings       (x5)

So… people like free movie tickets, don’t they?

 

4.2 – My name is (what?)

>christian approved teenage novels
 >christian aspect on dieting
 >christian book reviews     (x3)
 >christian book reviews summaries
 >christian chemistry tricks
 >christian content review of x2
 >christian criticism movie
 >christian dominatrix
 >christian losing weight
 >christian movie reviewer     (x5)
 >christian movie reviews     (x5)
 >christian movie reviews x-men united
 >christian movie teen reviews
 >christian movie x-2
 >christian perspective se7en
 >christian reviews for black mask the movie
 >christian reviews for hudson hawk
 >christian rufiange hockey
 >christian satire in orwells 1984
 >christian sauve (x4) >wachowski brothers biography christian >stereotyping christian morality 
 >top 100 christian books of all time
 >touching christian anecdote

After months of deriding these, you supposed I wouldn’t still be amazed by the curious habit of sticking “christian” in front of just about every word construction. But I still am, somehow.

 

4.3 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

The Solaris Whazzat-fest abates somewhat:

>solaris and explanation
 >solaris explained     (x4)
 >solaris movie explained          (x2)
 >solaris movie explanation        (x3) >explanation of the movie solaris (x3)
 >plot explanation solaris

But given that we are in the lull between the theater and the video release, I expect this to pick up again in a big way in two or three months.

 

4.4 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!

So, who’s hot and who’s not?

>brigitte wilson
 >brittany murphy miniskirt 8 mile
 >cameron diaz lederhosen image
 >carrie-anne moss nude memento
 >charlize theron reindeer games divx
 >elizabeth hurley bedazzled nude
 >fran drescher fake     (x2)
 >fran drescher nude
 >franoise yip nude     (x3)
 >freddie prinze jr. aim buddy icons     (x2)
 >janeanne garofalo naked
 >jennifer jason leigh allan cummings
 >julianne moore nude shortcut
 >kelly hu naked
 >leelee sobieski in swimsuit
 >leslie cheung double tap
 >nude emma watson
 >robin tunney
 >robin tunney naked     (x2)
 >rosario dawson nude he got game
 >shannyn soss
amons career and reviews of 
 her performances

Take your pick.

 

4.5 – The Perv-a-tron!

>contemporary romance novel spanking
 >novels on adultery
 >novel contains hot sex good plot

So if I’m to understand this properly, my site is now a reference for literary porn. Oh well. Could be worse.

>kinky christian wives

Mmmm…!

 

4.6 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>computer games christian waste of time

I know this already. I don’t need to read it in my referals logs!

>fjord line entertainment on the boat _elvis_ (x2)

I can read this, but I can’t parse it.

>how can i lose weight before summer with out  paying anything >how can we write a sequel to the book fahrenheit 451 >how much money did sylvester stallone earn for the  movie in the air in 1999 >how much should the audience influence an essay >how much was the budget of the top movies of 2000 >how to free tickets to movies reviews >how to get into test screenings (x2) >how to get sneak preview tickets (x2) >how to get tickets for film premieres    >how to write a saga >was kevin spacey ever in a relationship with julia  roberts >what dreams may come alternate ending spoiler >what happens at the end of the movie abandon (x2) >what happens in scream 1996 _movie_ >what is disappointment essay >what is vin diesels sexual preference >what movies has tom hanks starred in that were over  two hours long >what was guy richie_s first feature film (x2) >what was guy richie_s first film >what was scientifically accurate in the movie gattaca >what was the riff banderas played desperado >where can i find a book review of term limits by  vince flynn (x2) >where can i find scientific errors in the x-files  movie >where can i watch films easily without any limited >who were the two female stars of the movie _jackie brown_ >who wrote the 2001 novel the other half >why is a knights tale a postmodernism movie

christian-sauve.com: Where you ask the questions… and we sort of avoid to answer.

>fahrenheit 451 book reviews (x5) >fahrenheit 451 reviews (x2) >fahrenheit 451_reviews (x2) >fahrenheit 451s good themes (x2)

I must make plenty of kids happy, out there in high school Eng. Lit. classes.

>sophisticated reviews of david fincher motion pictures

Ooh, so the little kids aren’t content with just ripping off my stuff, they want it to be “sophisticated” as well!

>tell me about the movie made in 1991 with tim robbins  in it

And now they order me to answer their questions! The effrontery of it!

>if angels fall... the writing is fluid and limpid

Just as I was getting annoyed that some people are ripping off my stuff, here’s what must be a teacher doing a prose check on a fragment of a review. Only one hit on Google: my page. You go give him a big fat F, teacher!

 

Until next time, my name is Christian Sauvé and I remain… obsessed by web statistics.

 

June 2003

Here’s a selection of the monthly highlights for christian-sauve.com:

 

1. Mmm. Numbers…

My Prickly “Urchin” web stats engine tells me that…

Report for: christian-sauve.com, June 2003  Total Visitors 4,458  Total Pageviews 9,091    (Corrected total: 5,479) Average Pageviews Per Day 303.03    (Corrected average: 182.63) Total Hits 13,620  Total Bytes Transferred 271.2MB  Average Visitors Per Day 148.6  Average Hits Per Day 454  Average Bytes Transferred Per Day 9.039MB

The “corrected” numbers take out the CSS, robots.txt, PDFs, mis-filed graphic files (ICO, GIF, JPG) and other files mistakenly considered “pages” by the statistics pre-digestion engine. All results are lower than last month, which is sad, but not much of an issue given that this is, after all, summer and all the students ripping off my reviews are out of school.

In any case, our top ten most popular pages are

christian-sauve.com/index.html        302 christian-sauve.com/texts/free-movie-tickets.htm 238 christian-sauve.com/contact.html      203 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1999.htm      134 christian-sauve.com/reviews.html      130 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2002.htm      120 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2001.htm      119 christian-sauve.com/new-york/day_2.html          117 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2000.htm      104 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1998.htm       96

…which is oddly consistent with last month’s results. Gee, do you suppose movie reviews are popular…? The “contact” page is surprising, though… because far less than a two hundred people are writing me! My guess is that this page is being examined by hackers for FormMail attacks. Indeed, almost 50 “attack” hits on non-existent formmail.pl scripts were also logged by the system.

If you care about such things, (I do!), here’s a look at browser statistics for the month (by visitors, last month’s results in parentheses):

Explorer|6     1840 (2254) Explorer|5       911 (1283) Netscape|4       519  (549) Scooter|3      417  (366) Netscape|5       315  (441)

I have a dream: that one day, we will look at our browser statistics and proudly proclaim that Netscape 4.x is no more. Until then, though, pain.

 

2. Where do these people come from?

Our top five sources of referrals (in visitors) were

google.com/search     680 (980) yahoo.com/search      256 (314) google.ca/search      164 (224) msn.com/results.aspx  108 (new in Top-5) yahoo.com/bin/search   84 (147)

Well, one mystery solved: Less referrals by search engines equal less traffic on the site. Imagine that.

Only one “new” but very exciting backlink this month: slashdot.org/yro/02/07/17/1837211.shtml referred to our fine site as “A good book review of [Floyd Rudmin’s] Bordering on Aggression“, a book discussing American military plans to invade Canada. Woo-hoo! Quoted on Slashdot!

 

3. Ohh! Visitor comments!

Interesting month for the christian-sauve.com mailbox.  Here’s what I got:

1. Two messages wanted to discuss the same thing: My partially skeptical review of Frank Camper’s mercenary memoir Merc: The Professional.  On June 1st, someone wrote to ask

Do you know where Frank Camper is living and the name of his security business? Also what was the terrorist act he committed that landed him in jail?

To which I could only shrug and reply that I didn’t know.  After all, I’m just a chump who bought the book at a charity sale. This being said, I did dig a bit with Google and found that contrarily to my expectations, Camper pretty much disappeared from the web after 1997. This shot a hole through my theory that Camper’s narrative was slightly exaggerated for purposes of self-promotion. As if to echo those thoughts, another person wrote me on June 21st:

Saw your review of MERC: The Professional, by Frank Camper. I also picked up your “tongue-in-cheek” style of “can you really believe him.”

I am a graduate of Frank Camper’s Mercenary School (…)

What followed was an exchange of messages which established to my satisfaction that Camper’s school was definitely all that Camper claimed it to be and that his book is probably a lot more truthful that I might have suggested in my initial review. I also suggested that given my correspondent’s knowledge of Camper’s school, he may want to put up a web site detailing the activities of the school. Days later, I got this follow-up

I shall take to heart your suggestion of a website. That might be a way to contact Frank Camper — or let him contact me.

If you want to know more, head over to The Mercenary School Graduates Website!

Naturally, I had to update my review with this new information. Isn’t the web interesting?

2. In another strange coincidence, hours after trying to convince Buena Vista to put me on their press list for my Camera Oscura movie reviewing column, I got a message asking

One time a lady gave me a preview ticket for “you and a guest” because she wasn’t able to go that night. She said that she had signed up and she gets the ticket in the mail every time there is a preview in our area. Do you know how to get on that list?

Ha. The irony. I not-so-briefly answered

Regional details can vary widely (There are substantial differences between Canada and the US or major metropolitan markets versus smaller cities), as do the various lists one can “subscribe to” (“request a subscription” is more accurate) in order to get notifications of screenings. In my own experience, you can get on various distributors’ promotional lists if you can convince them of promotional returns in exchange. (Which is to say: being in a position to talk about these movies to a large audience and, maybe, convince them to go see the films)

Professional regular movie reviewers with a sizeable audience contact movie studios and ask to be included on their press lists. After review by their promotional people, reviewers are put on a list where they’re notified of any new releases in their area. Reviewers have to contact each studio separately; there are no central list, unless they’re buddies with the owner of a large cineplex!

Do note that a certain level of experience and regularity is expected before access can be granted. In my case, a professional quarterly movie reviewing column at www.revue-alibis.com (in French) managed to convince about half the studios that I deserved to be on their list, and left the other half unimpressed for the moment. (The sticking points here being frequency of publication and the size of the audience.)

You may want to investigate possibilities in your area for becoming a movie reviewer for, say, your weekly papers (community or alternative) or contacting studio publicity departments to ask about their criterias for inclusion.

There are, of course, other ways to be put on “a list”, and most of them presuppose a relationship with someone at either a movie chain or at a movie studio. Up here in Canada, Famous Players used to have a program by which they were recruiting citizen spies to evaluate the condition of their theaters, with free tickets thrown in the bargain. Then there’s the owner
of the local science-fiction bookstore, who regularly got tickets for new SF movies to give away to customers…

Lots of answers, lots of ways; good luck!

Weeks later, no word back from either Buena Vista nor the person who asked the question.

3. I continue to bring happiness to the world by reducing the number of people frustrated by SOLARIS:

Re : Your “Solaris” movie explanation :

Saw this movie 2day and loved it. The atmosphere and soundtrack were fantastic and certainly brought to mind 2001 : A Space Odyssey.

That said, it did confuse me in parts and your explanation made me see certain parts of the movie in a new light (and generally helped me understand it better).

Glad to serve. Glad to help.

 

4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various visitors to find christian-sauve.com)

 

4.1 – Top ten queries

>free movie screenings        (x23) >free movie tickets           (x13) >kari wuhler       (x11) >christian movie reviews       (x9) >2001 novel and for starters   (x9) >solaris explanation           (x9) >isbn lookup        (x8) >how to get free movie tickets (x8) >top 100 christian books       (x7) >good films         (x7)

So… people like free movie tickets, don’t they?

 

4.2 – My name is (what?)

>christian book reviews         (x2) >christian book reviews run baby run >christian choreographies >christian logic essay >christian monologue vignettes >christian morin crivain >christian movie rating secret of the sword >christian movie reviewers      (x2) >christian movie reviews braveheart >christian nympho >christian parody    (x2) >christian perspective on rosemarys baby >christian review of the matrix reload >christian reviews for scream franchise    (x2) >christian reviews on animatrix >christian sauve     (x7) >christian scholars book reviews on many infallible proofs >lose weight this summer christian >pixar christian >www.christian based weight loss >www.christian hidden pictures pages

One day, I will tire of this curious habit of sticking “christian” in front of just about every word construction. But not this month.

 

4.3 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

The Solaris Whazzat-fest abates somewhat:

>interpretation solaris >solaris explained       (x5) >solaris interpretation  (x2) >solaris movie explained (x2)

But given that we are in the lull between the theater and the video release, I expect this to pick up again in a big way on July 29th.

 

4.4 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!

So, who’s hot and who’s not?

>actress amanda peet naked xx movie    >alicia silverstone lesbian rumors    >amanda peet the whole nine yard nude    >ashley judd short hair high crimes    >claudia christian strip    >emma watsons boyfriend     (x3) >francoise yip proved    >heidi fleiss pictures    >helen slater 12:01 plot    >how did julia robert effect fashion    >jeanne tripplehorn undressed    >jewel helen hunt leelee sobieski look alike    >kendra torgan     (x2) >leelee sobieski naked eyes wide shut    >miss congeniality sandra bullock lederhosen    >monica belluccis pet peeves    >naked halle berry     (x2) >patricia pearcy nude     (x3) >paula garcès nude     (x2) >rene zellweger biodome    >rosario dawson he got game nude pics    >roshumba williams     (x2) >salma hayek anal sex hollywood rumors    >sandra bullock nude picture for free only her    >sarah silverman marital status    >spy movies that vicki lewis played    >tia carrere cleavage high school high    >tia carrere naked showdown in little tokyo    >veronique cloutier nude    >winona rider teen movie prom

Take your pick.

>edward norton matt daemon gambling >hilarious quotes arnold schwarzenegger >jason stratham biography  (x5) >jason stratham interview >jason stratham nude >jason stratham qi shu biography >keanu reeves and freddie prinze jr. aim icons >michael jacksonwearing masks >movie start rock hudson >stéphane rousseau nude

Guys too.

 

4.5 – The Perv-a-tron!

>actresses describing how they performed nude scenes

I can see where this is going: “Well, first, I remove my clothes…”

>clothed girlfight

Now, now. If it doesn’t involve Jello, it can’t be a true girlfight.

>stickman porn movies

Getting desperate, aren’t we?

 

4.6 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>did einstein invent rock n roll     (x2)

Someone’s been watching Yahoo Serious’s YOUNG EINSTEIN…

>movie where accidents keep happening 2000

FINAL DESTINATION. Try harder.

>groundzilla     (x2)

Grr. I used “Grounzilla” to describe a gigantic groundhog in a 1998 parody, and now I find that a baseball player has this nickname.

>unfortunately due to the movies reputation i  already knew every frame of the film

Spooky! This is a direct quote from my review of DOCTOR STRANGELOVE. You can’t find this exact quote anywhere else on the web! How did it find its way through Google?

 

Until next time, my name is Christian Sauvé and I remain… obsessed by web statistics.

 

July 2003

Here’s a selection of the monthly highlights for christian-sauve.com:

 

1. Mmm. Numbers…

My Prickly “Urchin” web stats engine tells me that…

Report for: christian-sauve.com, July 2003 Total Visitors: 4,819 Total Pageviews: 9,813   (Corrected total: 6,163) Average Pageviews Per Day: 316.54   (Corrected average: 198.81) Total Hits: 13,871 Total Bytes Transferred: 283.0MB Average Visitors Per Day: 155.45 Average Hits Per Day: 447.45 Average Bytes Transferred Per Day: 9.130MB

The “corrected” numbers take out the CSS, robots.txt, PDFs, mis-filed graphic files (ICO, GIF, JPG) and other files mistakenly considered “pages” by the statistics pre-digestion engine. Results are slightly higher than last month, which shall be explained when analysing the referrer keyword logs.

In any case, our top ten most popular pages are

christian-sauve.com/index.html         317 christian-sauve.com/texts/free-movie-tickets.htm  264 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2002.htm       192 christian-sauve.com/contact.html       190 christian-sauve.com/texts/solaris-explanation.htm 189 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2001.htm       142 christian-sauve.com/reviews.html       129 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1980s.htm      104 christian-sauve.com/links.html         103 christian-sauve.com/texts/losing-weight.htm       103

…which is somewhat consistent with last month’s results, except for the spike in requests for the solaris-explanation page. (The DVD came out late in the month; see below) Otherwise, well, movies and dieting tips are still popular. As usual, the contact.html page is logging the usual amount of traffic, very few of which seems directed to my mailbox.

If you care about such things, (I do!), here’s a look at browser statistics for the month (by visitors, last month’s results in parentheses):

Explorer|6      1923 (1840) Explorer|5       846  (911) Netscape|4       628  (519) Googlebot|2      459  (New in Top-5) Netscape|5       363  (315)

Netscape 4.x has now been renamed the browser that just wouldn’t die. (Given Netscape’s own termination in July 2003, we can even call it the zombie-browser.)

 

2. Where do these people come from?

Our top five sources of referrals (in visitors) were

google.com/search     737 (680) yahoo.com/search     234 (256) msn.com/results.aspx   158 (108) www.google.ca/search     147 (164) yahoo.com/bin/search     120  (84)

Search queries are up overall, hence the slightly higher numbers this month.

There was one interesting backlink of note this month: chuckpalahniuk.net/06survivor.html linked back to my review of Palahniuk’s Survivor, probably because the review itself already links to their site. Très cool, except that I’m linked as “Chris Suave”… sigh.

 

3. Ohh! Visitor comments!

Busy month for the christian-sauve.com mailbox.  Here’s the damage:

 

1. In April 2002, I wrote a review of Terrence Moan’s The Deadly Frost, an interesting thriller by an author that seemed to have completely vanished from the face of the Earth (and Google). (A suitable portion of the review was spent discussing how terrible this lack of information was, and how books don’t deserve to be forgotten.)

Surprise of all surprises, I heard back from Mr. Moan this month:

You’ll be glad to know that part of the Bush Energy Bill is to facilitate the development of new LNG tanker terminals in the continental US. Maybe that will revive interest in my long forgotten (in some venues – notably Google) book.

By the way, I have been working for the past 10 years (the birth of two children has diverted my attention somewhat) on a novel which features recombinant DNA food additives among other interesting plot elements.

Hurrah for the power of Google, and best of luck on the novel!

 

2. My efforts to explain SOLARIS (2002) to a wider audience continue to be successful:

Thank goodness there are people like yourself around to make good sense of things us mere mortals can not! To speak the truth, I was perhaps not too far off from many of your points but lacked commitment and belief in myself as to whether I was on the mark or not. Thank you for a very pleasant read and for making the film in hindsight much more enjoyable.

Yay me, I say modestly.

 

3. I believe that my site features one of the most complete book/film discussion of DIE HARD on the Internet, but that didn’t stop someone from asking…

I was just visiting your site because I am desperately searching for a copy of the book by Roderick Thorp, Nothing Lasts Forever. I am trying to purchase it for my boyfriend as a gift. He too has been looking long and hard for a copy. I’m hoping you can help me locate a copy for purchase. Please e-mail back as soon as you are available. Thank you in advance for your help.

Given that this isn’t the first time this question popped up, I kept my all-purpose answer and should probably stick it in the FAQ section:

Unfortunately, my copy of the book is not for sale. (I’m a collector)

This being said, here are a few things you may want to try:

  • While the book is out of print at online bookstores such as amazon.ca or chapters.ca, you can always try the out-of-print online bookstores. amazon.com, for instance, often retails used versions of out-of-print books, and it appears that they’ve got 59 copies available, starting at $6.08USD.  Heck, they even have hardcover first editions!
  • amazon.com taps into the vast abebooks database of used booksellers, which you can access at www.abebooks.com Direct access to abebooks.com gives you more information on the physical condition of the book, which can be useful if you’re giving it as a collectible. (Looking at their database, I even see a Very Good hardcover for sale for $2.95USD from “On More Book Store”, a Sudbury bookstore. It’s entirely possible that you can contact the bookstore directly and deal with them rather than go through abebooks.com)
  • Finally, if all online means fail to work, I would suggest a trip to your biggest local used bookstore. Not knowing where you’re located, I can’t give specific recommendations, but in the Ottawa area, The Book Market on Dalhousie would be the best choice.

 

4. I expected some reaction about my essay on Being Canadian, and if -so far- it has only recently appeared in Search Engines, I did get the fascinating query below:

Thank-you for your informative site. It was (almost) what I was looking for. Being a Canadian who left Canada for the States involuntarily at the age of four, and poised to marry an American born [foreigner], I have been searching for info about my Country of Birth. So that I might choose my citizenship. I’ve never been, you see, American. Yet I haven’t felt very Canadian either. Your Brief History of Canada filled in a lot of blanks. I enjoyed the site tremendously.

My question to you is: Would you be aware of any info available about the literal benefits of being a Canadian nowadays? ie: medical, economic, social. Why should I choose Canadian over American citizenship (besides the obvious reasons like Starbucks and McDonalds).

Yikes!  How to ans
wer?  I tried the following:

My, you go for the tough questions right away, don’t you? 🙂

First: If McDonalds and Starbucks are advantages, or not, well, Canada has’em too. In quantity.)

On a strictly prosaic level, the Canadian government has a rather specific, but not very inspiring web site at
http://canadainternational.gc.ca/ Main_Menu-en.asp
to deal with this question.
Ditto with http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/immigrate/ index.html 

The basics are thus: Better health care, but (slightly) higher taxes. Less violence, but (loose) gun control. More polite population, but an emphasis on community rather than individual achievement. A lot of allowance for multiculturalism, but a more diffuse “national character”.

So, moving on to the more ethereal considerations…

As suggested, the “Canadian character” is still something in construction, and we can only make educated guesses at what it will become. As someone who never had to choose a nationality, but simply grew into it, I can only guess at the process by which one can select one.

(I’m not a particularly big fan of Ayn Rand, but this Russian expatriate was once heckled during a speech by someone who thought she didn’t have the right to comment on the United States because she hasn’t born in the USA. To that, she replied “That’s right. I chose to be an American. What did you do, besides having been born?” That would shut *me* up.)

My own feeble suggestion would be to try to understand “the national character” of your countries, not based on newspaper headlines or the latest folly from their politicians, but from a historical, social, cultural perspective and then see which one feels right for you.
(…)
Ultimately, though, I would tend to run against the above and point out that culture and/or citizenship are inherently personal, and ultimately subvedient to your own identity. As French-Canadian, I have had to learn that I did *not* have to subscribe to the dominant cultural trends, and that there was no shame in, say, co-opting Japanese animation, Hong-Kong action films, American technology, Italian food and British music as being part of what I stand for. Literally, the choice is *yours*.

And got as a heart-warming reply:

Many, many thankyou’s for your time and consideration. Your generosity represents exactly what it is that Canadians exemplify for me… And why living in America doesn’t mean that I necessarily want to be an American citizen. Just for the record, I meant that Starbucks and McDonalds were part of the CON about being American. I LOVE [foreign countries] and lived there for years, but like you, have determined that no place is really “better” than anywhere else. Just different. Being at peace with all this is my wonderful, lifelong process… Thank you for your timely contribution to it.

In some small way, this is what the Internet is meant for.

 

4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various visitors to find christian-sauve.com)

 

4.1 – Top ten queries

>solaris explanation           (x37) >free movie screenings         (x25) >free movie tickets (x22) >solaris explained  (x18) >solaris movie explanation     (x16) >how to get free movie tickets (x11) >free movie premiere tickets   (x11) >christian movie reviews       (x11) >solaris movie explained       (x10) >sauve    (x9)

So… If I understand correctly, my perfect page should be about getting free tickets to an explained version of SOLARIS? I’m shocked.

 

4.2 – My name is (what?)

>american history x violence nudity elvis >blog elvis >book reviews with a elvis viewpoint >claudia elvis nudity >elvis bad boys 1995 >elvis book censor where the wild things are >elvis book reviews (x3) >elvis bookstore ottawa >elvis courtship >elvis films 1970s >elvis ghostwriters >elvis jokesbeer >elvis movie ratings (x2) >elvis movie reviews ransom >elvis outing in hollywood >elvis reviews animatrix >elvis reviews of drunken master  >elvis reviews of gattaca >elvis sauve (x2) >elvis tremblay sauvé >elvis videogame reviews >elvis mental games >free movies elvis  >gattaca and discussion and elvis  >good elvis films  >jedi symbolism elvis perspective  >lord of the rings elvis book reviews  >matriarchy elvis  >movie reviews on terminator 3 from a elvis stand point >mr. nice guy jackie elvis  >on line elvis book reviews  >terminator elvis movie reviews  >www.elvis rappers  >x-men as elvis allegory

Faithful readers of these web statistics (if any) will recall that my site, for an obvious reason, is a real magnet for anyone sticking “christian” in otherwise routine search queries.  Following a suggestion from my good friend Eric Laforest, I search-and-replaced all instances of “christian” with “elvis”.  The oh-so-hilarious results are above. I apologize in advance for the horrible mental images that may spring from “claudia elvis nudity”.

 

4.3 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

After a few months’ lull, the frenzy for SOLARIS explanations takes off thanks to the DVD release of the film:

>explanation of solaris clooney    >movie solaris explained         (x2) >solaris clooney explained       (x2) >solaris ending explained        (x2) >solaris ending explanation      (x3) >solaris explained clooney       (x2) >solaris explained film          (x2) >solaris explained movie         (x2) >solaris film explained          (x3) >solaris film explanation        (x4) >solaris movie ending explanation >solaris movie explained perspective >solaris movie interpretation    (x3) >solaris movie story explained >solaris plot explanation        (x5) >solaris spoilers clooney ending >solaris the movie explained     (x3)

Given the DVD’s very recent appearance on shelves, I expect this category to explode by next month..

 

4.4 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!

So, who’s hot and who’s not?

>angeline jolie nude (x2) >annette benning hair >cradle 2 the grave: gabrielle union nude >early angelina jolie  >emma watson naked >francoise yip motorcycle >gabrielle union cradle nude >gabrielle union cradle 2 the grave strip-tease pics >gridlock featuring kathy ireland >jennifer lopez out of sight leather coat >julianne moore's national enquirer.  >katie holmes the gift nude video free download >kendra torgan pictures -nude (x2) >kristen dunst nude >lisa ray model canada toronto >naked halle (x2) >nude patricia pearcy squirm >nude rosamund pike >nude scene salma hayek >patricia pearcy nude (x3) >paula garcès nude >reese witherspoon nude which movie >sfx babes tia carrere >shannyn sossamon's hairstyle >shu qi gallery nude

Take your pick.

>colin farrell nude free >cuba gooding junior primal >daniel day-lewis biography >death scene billy zane >ewan macgregor nude scene >hayden christensen naked nude >jason stratham biography articles personal >jet li hairdos kiss of a dragon

Guys too. Sort of.

 

4.5 – The Perv-a-tron!

>female duel fistfight

???  Ew.

>harlequin romance authors with a good spanking story >romantic fiction stories with spanking

Gee, I wonder if those two queries are related…

>swedish girls fancy englishmen

You’re deluding yourself, bloke.

>the in crowd lesbian scene download

There’s a lesbian scene in THE IN CROWD?  Why wasn’t I told before?

 

4.6 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>lifeline novel    (x5) >novel lifeline    (x7) >who wrote novel lifeline     (x2) >who wrote the novel lifeline (x5)

If *anyone* can specifically explain this sudden burst of interest for Doug Beason and Kevin J. Anderson’s novel, I’d be grateful…

>james bond movies strut my stuff with the same  sophistication

I don’t know you, and yet I can already tell you not to get your hopes up.

>a scientist that makes dangerous gadgets

People use Search Engines to search for the dangdest things nowadays.  Have you tried madscientist.com?

>author of a book called skeptic

Craig Holden.  Pseudonym of Ben Mezrich. C’mon, pick a tougher question.

>black majik spells for winning money

Twisted. As I said, people use Search Engines to search for the dangdest things nowadays.

 

Until next time, my name is Christian Sauvé and I remain… obsessed by web statistics.

 

August 2003

Here’s a selection of the monthly highlights for christian-sauve.com:

 

1. Mmm. Numbers…

My Prickly “Urchin” web stats engine tells me that…

Report for: christian-sauve.com, August 2003 Total Visitors 4,607  Total Pageviews 9,833  (Corrected Total: 6,155) Average Pageviews Per Day 317.19  (Corrected Total: 198.55) Total Hits 14,380  Total Bytes Transferred 288.2MB  Average Visitors Per Day 148.61  Average Hits Per Day 463.87  Average Bytes Transferred Per Day 9.297MB

The “corrected” numbers take out the CSS, robots.txt, PDFs, mis-filed graphic files (ICO, GIF, JPG) and other files mistakenly considered “pages” by the statistics pre-digestion engine. Results are almost identical to last month, but as we’ll see in a second, one particular page helped a lot to counter-act the summer doldrums and the power blackout that afflicted 50 million potential visitors during the month of August 2003.

In any case, our top ten most popular pages are

christian-sauve.com/texts/solaris-explanation.htm 496 christian-sauve.com/        245 christian-sauve.com/texts/free-movie-tickets.htm  195 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2002.htm       174 christian-sauve.com/reviews.html       149 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1998.htm       119 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1999.htm       117 christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2001.htm       116 christian-sauve.com/contact.html       114 christian-sauve.com/new-york/day_2.html           110

Wowsers! If that’s not a ringing endorsement of my “Solaris Explained” page, I’m not sure what would be. Thank you, George Clooney, for starring in such an incomprehensible film!

If you care about such things, (I do!), here’s a look at browser statistics for the month (by visitors, last month’s results in parentheses):

Explorer|6     1955 (1923) Netscape|4       738  (628) Explorer|5       704  (846) Scooter|3       391  (New in Top-5) Netscape|5       343  (363)

Go away, Netscape 4.  Just die, already.

 

2. Where do these people come from?

Our top five sources of referrals (in visitors) were

google.com/search       766 (737) yahoo.com/search        338 (234) msn.com/results.aspx    172 (158) www.google.ca/search    122 (147) msn.com/results.asp      52 (New in Top-5)

Search queries were stable (though, as we’ll see in a moment, concentrated on one particular subject) and it looks as if there’s been some URL consolidation for yahoo.com/bin/search.

I may have mentioned this before, but I’m now linked as “The praise of readers everywhere” at author Diane Mason Baker’s Men with Brooms page at www3.sympatico.ca/dianemason/ Menwithbrooms.html

I also received a number of visitors (10) from thedvdforums.com, where I discovered (after a frustrating registration procedure simply to read the forums) that yet another happy visitor had recommended my “Solaris explained” page. Yay me.

 

3. Ohh! Visitor comments!

Busy month for the christian-sauve.com mailbox.  Here’s the damage:

 

1. First, here’s a “Solaris trilogy” of messages about the movie and about my explanations:

Jennifer from Texas:
If Solaris is recreating phantoms from the humans past, why would it send Snow a phantom of himself?  Please help!!!

My short answer: Snow was a full-blown introverted narcissist whose favourite person was… himself.

Jamie from Seattle:
Don’t get me wrong I not much of a religious person, but I got the impression that Solaris might really be a depiction of heaven or perhaps a method of communication with god. This in turn ties in with the ending, Chris’s reunion with Rheya at the end of the film, and the happy for the rest of eternity angle. What do you think?

My short answer to that: I’m not a very religious person either, and (to my knowledge), neither is Steven Soderbergh, hence my neglecting this interpretation.

Doug from Atlanta:
Hi – just saw this film and had to search the web (for the first time) to try and figure it out. My original thought was that they had inadvertently discovered either heaven or god, in Solaris. Partly due to the standard cocktail party conversation about god/religion that was probably just linked to the abortion. Anyway – I feel a little better seeing that you don’t have much of an explanation either 🙂 I did have a couple of nearly identical reactions to yours such as that they should’ve made it into a 1 hour TV special by cutting out all the dreary laying around with pained expressions in blue light, though I didn’t originally get that he stayed with the main ship and crashed into the planet (thanks) which clears up a bit.

Whew! I have nothing to add to that.

 

2. Why is it that people send me empty messages from my “comments” page? This month, I got blank emails from modemcable161.60-131-66.nowhere.mc.videotron.ca [66.131.60.161] and aol.com [205.188.208.134].  Go figure.  Y’all have a mouse and a keyboard, people!  Learn how to use both!

 

3. A charming acquaintance writes to ask…

J’ai essayé de trouver le site pour le congrès Boreal 2003 avec Yahoo. Est-ce que vous pouvez me donner la bonne addresse pour 2003?

The French-Canadian SF&F convention Boréal 2003 will take place on October 24-25-26 at Montréal’s Holiday Inn Metro-Centre.  See you there; check www.congresboreal.ca for more details! (As it turns out, I’ll be your Grand Programator for this year’s batch of panels…)

 

4. This month’s heart-warming “Internet makes the world smaller” message goes to an adorable German girl who liked my New York travelogue and wrote to say…

Many greetings from Germany. I found your web site through Google picture search, because I just had the idea I would like to view the ceiling of Grand Central Terminal in New York. I read about it in a novel by Mark Helprin. And that’s how I found your very interesting web site. Internet is great!

I couldn’t have said it better myself: Internet is great!

 

5. And finally, the webmaster of the best Objectivism resource on the web writes to notify me that…

I don’t know if you ever update the links on your old reviews, but I noticed that in your review of Atlas Shrugged you have a link to my Objectivism Reference Center site (objectivism.addr.com). However, the site has moved since you made that link, so it is outdated now. The new address is http://www.noblesoul.com/orc/ , in case you want to update the link.

While you may or may not like objectivism, there is no better place to learn about it than at the afore-mentioned URL.  (Yes, my link has been updated)

 

4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various visitors to find christian-sauve.com)

 

4.1 – Top ten queries

>solaris explanation         (x122) >solaris explained (x58) >solar
is movie explanation    (x38) >free movie screenings        (x25) >solaris movie explained      (x17) >explanation of solaris        (x7) >solaris the movie explained   (x7) >solaris plot explanation      (x7) >isbn lookup        (x6) >movie solaris explained       (x6)

Almost a clean sweep, wouldn’t you say? And yet, this stuff about Solaris is merely the tip of the iceberg… see below.

 

4.2 – My name is (what?)

>1980s buddhist videos >blurbs from buddhist compilation books >book buddhist passive-aggressive >chocolat buddhist controversial  >buddhist artist scandals  >buddhist book david garcia  >buddhist book reviews little house  >buddhist butterfly scripts  >buddhist car emblems  >buddhist dog illustrations  >buddhist movie reviews        (x3) >buddhist movie reviews for grind  >buddhist movie reviews frankenstein  >buddhist online films  >buddhist reviews for jurassic park  >buddhist reviews for sea biscuit movie  >buddhist reviews of fantasy films  >buddhist sauve     (x5) >buddhist single blog  >buddhist statistics           (x2) >buddhist survivor from climbing accident  >buddhist thoughts summer  >criminality from buddhist viewpoint >deliverance buddhist movie reviews >free buddhist drama and skips >is the lord of the rings anti buddhist >karen kahn buddhist >latest buddhist punchlines >losing weight buddhist style >naked claudia buddhist >public administration in a buddhist way >publish buddhist fictions >sauve buddhist >swat- buddhist reviews >the hobbit buddhist reviews for children >top 100 buddhist films        (x2) >www.buddhist drama scripts .com  >www.buddhist movie reviews    (x2) >www.buddhist revival clip art

Faithful readers of these web statistics (if any) will recall that my site, for an obvious reason, is a real magnet for anyone sticking “christian” in otherwise routine search queries.  Following-up on last month’s “Elvis” experiment, I have now replaced all instances of “Christian” with “Buddhist”.  If the result strikes you as insane, well, that’s the point.  You have to admit, though, that “losing weight –Buddhist style!” has a certain ring to it.

 

4.3 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

After a strong start last month, the frenzy for SOLARIS explanations continues, thanks to the DVD release of the film:

>2002 solaris ending explanation >clooney solaris explained >ending solaris explained >explanation of solaris movie         (x2) >explanation of the ending of solaris (x2) >explanation of the movie solaris     (x5) >explanation solaris soderbergh  >explanation to solaris  >film solaris explained    (x2) >interpretation solaris >interpretation solaris movie >movie solaris explanation (x2) >solaris - ending explanation  >solaris 2002 story explained  >solaris and explanation   (x3) >solaris and explanation and soderbergh  >solaris book movie differences  >solaris book spoilers  >solaris clooney ending explained  >solaris clooney ending explanation  >solaris ending explained  (x5) >solaris ending explanation           (x3) >solaris explained         (x2) >solaris explained movie   (x4) >solaris explanation and movie  >solaris explanation george clooney  >solaris film explained    (x4) >solaris film explained  >solaris film explanation  (x4) >solaris francais  >solaris interpretation    (x2) >solaris movie  >solaris movie ending explanation     (x2) >solaris movie explanation end  >solaris movie interpretation         (x4) >solaris plot explained    (x5) >solaris review explanation           (x2) >solaris reviews explanation  >solaris soderbergh end explained  >solaris soderbergh explanation       (x2) >solaris the movie  >solaris the movie explanation        (x2) >solaris the ocean explained

Crikey! Look at those beauts! Will it ever stop? Let’s hope not!

 

4.4 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!

So, who’s hot and who’s not?

>actress kendra torgan     (x2) >angelina jolie download love scene in original sin  >angeline jolie wig  >annette bennings hair     (x2) >ashley judd high crimes hairstyle  >beyonce knowles abstinence  >beyonce nude  >biodome and rene zellweger  >carmen electra mating habits earthbound human clip  >christina applegate hairstyle in the sweetest thing  >christina applegate offensive interview  >connie nielsen cleavage in hunted  >emily mortimer hairstyle  >emily watson long wig  >eva mendes biography origin  >francoise yip nude          (x3) >jennifer lopez anaconda nude video captures  >kari wuhler  >kendra torgan    (x2) >kendra torgan fan site  >kendra torgan pictures      (x2) >motoko nagino    (x2) >nude scene hackers jolie  >nutsa kukhianidze biography (x2) >penelope cruzs haircut  >rebecca de mornay nude in risky business  >rene zellweger happy gilmore  >rosario dawson xxx pics  >selma blair hairstyle  >shannyn sossamons hairstyle (x2) >under siege erika eleniak nude  >whoppie goldberg nude  >winona rider movie nineties

Take your pick.

>autobiography of collin farrell  >brad pitt las vegas  >brandon fraser biography  >josh hartnett avatars blends  >locating john cusack for august 2003  >marky mark wahlberg revealing tight jumpsuit  >nude pics of colin farrell  >sebastian junger sexiest author  >vince vaughns marital status (x2)

Guys too. Sort of.

 

4.5 – The Perv-a-tron!

>australian teen lesbianism  >beautiful tight babes ready for bed pretentious movies
 free
 >hot babe with glasses

Some of the queries we receive here at christian-sauve.com make us nod our heads in approval.

>cocooning female duct tape  >gay porn film industrial strength  >sexy girls squishing insect

Then again, some other make us want to swear off this internet thing forever. “Industrial strength”?  Eek.

 

4.6 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>drinking liquid oxygen  >how much weight will i lose on a starvation diet in 
 four weeks

Both of these things would go right under our “things not to be done” category.

>canadian eunuch body modification

That one would also be, except that we’re curious as to

  • Who, exactly, would be confused by the body modifications required to become an eunuch, and
  • How it would differ for a Canadian.
>what are some businesses that support anti-consumerism

Wouldn’t that be a contradiction in terms?

>what can be done for loose teeth in mid twenties

Super Glue. Trust us. No, wait: Don’t.

>what a freudian thinks about dennis rodman's behaviour

“Weird?” “Desperate for attention?” “Unhinged?” “Sooo nineties?”

 

 

September 2003

Here’s a selection of the monthly highlights for christian-sauve.com:

 

1. Mmm. Numbers…

My prickly “Urchin” web stats engine tells me that…

Report for: christian-sauve.com, September 2003 Total Visitors: 5,295
Total Pageviews: 11,290
 (Corrected total: 6,877)
Average Pageviews Per Day: 376.33
 (Corrected average: 229.33)
Total Hits: 17,375
Total Bytes Transferred: 352.9MB
Average Visitors Per Day: 176.5
Average Hits Per Day: 579.16
Average Bytes Transferred Per Day: 11.76MB

The “corrected” numbers take out the CSS, robots.txt, PDFs, mis-filed graphic files (ICO, GIF, JPG) and other files mistakenly considered “pages” by the statistics pre-digestion engine. Results are higher than last month, a testament to continuous power distribution in North America and the return to work/school of just about everyone.

In any case, our top ten most popular pages are

christian-sauve.com/texts/solaris-explanation.htm 325
christian-sauve.com/index.html         278
christian-sauve.com/texts/free-movie-tickets.htm  205
christian-sauve.com/reviews.html       163
christian-sauve.com/new-york/day_2.html           147
christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2002.htm       121
christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1980s.htm      117
christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1998.htm       108
christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2001.htm       107
christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1999.htm        91

Hits on my “Solaris Explained” page are down (from nearly 500 in August), but still quite high. The rest of the pages are up, slightly.

If you care about such things, (I do!), here’s a look at browser statistics for the month (by visitors, last month’s results in parentheses):

Explorer|6  2104 (1955)
Netscape|4   884  (738)
Explorer|5   787  (704)
Netscape|5   614  (343)
Scooter|3    310  (391)

Die Netscape 4, Die (That’s German for “The Netscape 4, The”)

I also apparently received a visit from a user whose browser registered as “Commodore 64 (GEOS v2.0; M6502)“. Heh!

 

2. Where do these people come from?

Our top five sources of referrals (in visitors) were

google.com/search     790 (766)
yahoo.com/search      325 (338)
www.google.ca/search  201 (122)
msn.com/results.aspx  188 (172)
msn.com/results.asp    74  (52)

Search queries were stable.

No new URLs this month.

 

3. Ohh! Visitor comments!

Quiet month for the christian-sauve.com mailbox.  Here’s what happened:

 

1. A desperate French girl wrote to ask…

I’m a french studient and I have a problem. I’m making a “rapport” at the Bordeaux university, and i study vampirism. But I can’t find the books of Kim Newman in the original version. My teacher wants me to put the text in english, can you help me to find the english version of the sentences that I send you (with the edition and the n° page). It’s urgent please help me… (…)

How could I refuse to help? For the love of good books and the goodness of Kim Newman’s Anno Dracula, said passages were sent back the next day, with my compliments.

 

2. A fellow Canadian commented on my Top-100 movies list:

Amelié missing from foregin films.

First time I’ve seen a top 100 list that I agree with so completely that I would even bother mentioning the omission.

Will have to hunt down 12:01. Only film in your fantasy/sci-fi section I haven’t seen. Shamefacedly watched “Groundhog Day” 4 times.

As it turns out, though, LE FABULEUX DESTIN D’AMÉLIE POULAIN is indeed on my Top-100 list, at N.100. For this correspondent, that should make the list just about perfect!

 

3. Someone tried to hack my formmail script three times in a few seconds, using a nonsense message with “hotdak1@aol.com” plastered all over the place. When Googling for answers, I found out that several other sites with publically-accessible forms have been the victim of similar attempts, no doubt an automated script to find out vulnerabilities for later exploits. No dice on my site, as I’m constantly using the latest pached version of the NMS Formmail! I thought about complaining to AOL and getting the account yanked anyway (it’s probably set up simply to receive notification of any successful hacking attempt), but their abuse service staff isn’t particularly bright and would probably tend to blame me for anything I would try to tell them…

 

4. I lost the original email through Worldcon/Blaster confusion and silliness (no!!!), but one of the co-authors of The Care and Feeding of Books Old and New write to thank me for my review of their wonderful book, noting that some of my suggestions were already (independently) being considered for a possible second edition. Woo!

 

4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various visitors to find christian-sauve.com)

 

4.1 – Top ten queries

>solaris explanation      (x71)
 >solaris movie explanation           (x38)
 >solaris explained        (x28)
 >free movie screenings    (x23)
 >free movie tickets       (x15)
 >solaris movie explained  (x14)
 >patricia pearcy nude     (x13)
 >explanation of solaris   (x11)
 >what boxer's life story was titled raging bull (x10)
 >free movie premiere tickets          (x8)

Free movie tickets and SOLARIS once again reign supreme on this top-10, though I am fascinated by the fact that no less than ten visitors exactly entered a quiz question in search engines and discovered my page. Someone may owe me a prize…

 

4.2 – My name is (what?)

>ace ventura bokonian rating
 >atlas shrugged review bokonian
 >book review and nylund and bokonian
 >book reviews bokonian perspective enders game
 >bokonian analogies in movies
 >bokonian bale residence
 >bokonian based film reviews for bollywood movies
 >bokonian book reviews     (x2)
 >bokonian book reviews wink
 >bokonian deliverance movie reviews
 >bokonian fantasy book reviews     (x2)
 >bokonian fiction medical thrillers
 >bokonian funny e-mails
 >bokonian kid movies     (x2)
 >bokonian movie ratings the order
 >bokonian movie reviews     (x5)
 >bokonian movie reviews ed wood
 >bokonian movie reviews far and away
 >bokonian movie reviews the untouchables
 >bokonian sauve montreal 
 >bokonian statistics     (x3)
 >bokonian way of losing weight     (x3)
 >bokonian sauve     (x2)
 >gilgamesh bokonian
 >hip bokonian acronyms
 >leading bokonian book discussion lets roll
 >list of bokonian films
 >movie reviews bokonian perspective school of rock     (x2) >reviews bokonian lord of the rings
 >top 100 bokonian books     (x2)
 >top 100 movies bokonian
 >wacko bokonian extreme
 >writers blogs bokonian

Faithful readers of these web statistics (if any) will recall that my site, for an obvious reason, is a rea
l magnet for anyone sticking “christian” in otherwise routine search queries.  Following-up on last month’s “Budhist” experiment, I have now replaced all instances of “Christian” with “Bokonian”.  If the result strikes you as insane, well, that’s the point.  “Hip Bokonian acronyms” almost sounds cool, though.

 

4.3 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

After a strong start last month, the frenzy for SOLARIS explanations continues, thanks to the DVD release of the film:

>explanation of solaris the movie     (x2)
 >explanation of the movie solaris     (x4)
 >explanation solaris     (x2)
 >explanation with solaris
 >movie solaris explained
 >solaris and ending explained
 >solaris book explanation
 >solaris clooney explained     (x2)
 >solaris clooney explanation     (x2)
 >solaris ending explained
 >solaris ending explanation     (x4)
 >solaris explained clooney     (x2)
 >solaris explained film
 >solaris explained movie     (x3)
 >solaris explanation movie     (x3)
 >solaris feature film explanation
 >solaris film explained     (x3)
 >solaris film plot explained
 >solaris movie ending explanation     (x2)
 >solaris movie explained spoilers
 >solaris movie interpretation     (x2)
 >solaris plot explained     (x2)
 >solaris plot explanation     (x3)
 >solaris rheya 
 >solaris the movie explained     (x4)
 >solaris the movie explanation     (x2)

Crikey! Look at those beauts! Will it ever stop? Let’s hope not!

 

4.4 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>renee zellweger scientific mind

Now those are two sets of words you just don’t expect to see together.

>noxema murders america

Boy, now that’s a busy cosmetic product. But who’s going to stop it?

>bad digital photos

Yessir, you’ve come to the right place. We also have a special on “sucky movie comments” and “awful book reviews”, this month only!

>nerd of the month for october 1998

No comments. I know that was me. And it’s been ever since

 

October 2003

Here’s a selection of the monthly highlights for christian-sauve.com:

 

1. Mmm. Numbers…

My prickly “Urchin” web stats engine tells me that…

Report for: christian-sauve.com, October 2003 Total Visitors: 5,341
Total Pageviews: 10,852
 (Corrected total: 6,655)
Average Pageviews Per Day: 350.06
 (Corrected average: 214.68)
Total Hits: 17,474
Total Bytes Transferred: 352.9MB
Average Visitors Per Day: 172.29
Average Hits Per Day: 563.67
Average Bytes Transferred Per Day: 11.40MB

The “corrected” numbers take out the CSS, robots.txt, PDFs, mis-filed graphic files (ICO, GIF, JPG) and other non-public files mistakenly considered “pages” by the statistics pre-digestion engine. Results are slightly lower than last month.

In any case, our top ten most popular pages are

christian-sauve.com/index.html         335
christian-sauve.com/texts/free-movie-tickets.htm  219
christian-sauve.com/texts/solaris-explanation.htm 167
christian-sauve.com/reviews.html       151
christian-sauve.com/new-york/day_2.html           133
christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1980s.htm      119
christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2001.htm       114
christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2002.htm       114
christian-sauve.com/links.html         102
christian-sauve.com/texts/losing-weight.htm        96

Hits on my “Solaris Explained” page are down (from nearly 360 in September, and over 500 in August), now that the DVD release of the film has passed.

If you care about such things, (I do!), here’s a look at browser statistics for the month (by visitors, last month’s results in parentheses):

Explorer|6  2225 (2104)
Explorer|5   806 (787)
Netscape|5   734 (614)
Netscape|4   721 (884)
Googlebot|2  198 (New, Top-5)

Yay, Netscape 4 hits are down. You’d think that after all I’ve done to drive these people away…

 

2. Where do these people come from?

Our top five sources of referrals (in visitors) were

google.com/search     829 (790)
yahoo.com/search      374 (325)
www.google.ca/search  216 (201)
msn.com/results.aspx  132 (188)
ask.com/redir          83 (New, Top-5)

Search queries were stable.

Interesting new URLs spotted: cosplay.com/showthread.php
and straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php. The first one will be explained in a moment, but the second continues to elude me. And, believe me, I’ve searched for it on their web site.

 

3. Ohh! Visitor comments!

Action-packed month for the christian-sauve.com mailbox.  Here’s what happened:

 

1. Two good acquaintances used the site to contact me after months of nothingness. Cool!

 

2. Matt, from Washington DC, finds my page on free movie screenings and shares

I just started the preview screening thing here in washington dc. I am addicted and found your writing conveying the exact sentiments that I feel each time i see a movie. I have seen 3 this week and it’s only my 3rd week doing this.

Hurrah!

 

3. Trolls amuse me. But this one is just pathetic. It start with

(8:19:53) hi are u gay

then moves on (in a separate message, time-stamped below) to

(8:20:55) know one likes u u are a fag

then to a friendlier

(8:21:18) hi

and then

(8:21:37) hi

and finally, having exhausted all other options, the ultimate retort

(8:21:49) hi

Gee. Words fail me as much as this guy. If you’re going to pester me, at least do it with some class and venom. This is just… lame.

4. I nearly started an international incident when I wrote that viewers watching the Australian film CHOPPER may have a hard time in trying to “decipher the thick Australian street-talk” of the film. Naturally, vigilant Australian readers were quick to pounce:

It’s bad enough that Australians have to hear about their “incomprehensible” accent from Americans, but to hear it from a Canadian is dissapointing. You do not often hear Australians complaining about the southern drawl, or hillbilly twang, or the Canadian “pseudo-American” accent, so why on earth do so many educated people have such a problem with our particular language.

I refer of course to your review of the movie “Chopper”. The character is a kind of anti-hero in Australian culture. I don’t particularly care for him or his story. It is amusing to hear, however, that he speaks an unintelligable language. The only suggestion I can make, is if your DVD player has a “Slow forward” speed, you try and engage that.

Amends were made, explanations were provided, my French-Canadian-ness was brought up, a link to Roger Ebert’s review saying essentially the same thing was sent and armed forces on both side of the ocean were called off.

 

5. Authors like it when you compliment their work. And so I mentioned (in my Worldcon 2003 report) that I was intrigued by Tom Kratman’s upcoming book A State of Disobedience. And so I received

Thanks for your support. Send your copy to me and I’ll be happy to sign it.

Yes, sir!

 

6. But the highlight of the month happened within a twenty-four hours period, as my Worldcon 2003 report was discovered (independantly, as far as I can find out) by both Masquerade fans at the specialized cosplay.com site, and the emcee of the Worldcon masquerade, Gord Rose himself. Gord wrote to ask a few precisions about other people’s less-than-favorable comments I transcribed. (I explained. He made a few good points. He’s a champ.)

Meanwhile, my review of the masquerade (from a non-costumer’s point of view) was reposted on cosplay.com, where I intervened to ask them not to flame me to a crisp. I learned, shall we say, a lot. You can read the entire humiliating exchange at http://forums.cosplay.com/ showthread.php?t=22869 but the key point I’m taking from it is that cosplayers are used to both players and haters, but have a bit of a hard time imagining ignorant/unfamiliar people like me for whom convention masquerades are neither a boon or a scourge. Plus, I also learned that I should definitely learn about the costuming field some more before posting anything else about it.

 

4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various visitors to find christian-sauve.com)

 

4.1 – Top ten queries

>free movie screenings     (x30)
 >solaris explanation       (x30)
 >free movie tickets        (x13)
 >solaris movie explanation (x10)
 >isbn lookup     (x9)
 >sauve           (x9)
 >solaris explained          (x9)
 >solaris movie explained    (x9)
 >explanation of solaris     (x7)
 >christian statistics       (x6)

The hubbub around SOLARIS (the movie) is finally starting to die down. The rest is as usual, though I’m fascinated, as always, by “christian statistics”.

 

4.2 – My name is (what?)

First, let’s isolate the stuff about me:

Christian Sauvé (x4)
christian sauve (x3)
christian sauve review szpindel

What is cool is that, obviously, people are looking for me. What really spooks me is that someone, possibly Canadian SF author Isaac Sz
pindel himself, saw fit to look specifically for my (middling) review of one of his Aurora-nominated stories.

breakaway scientologist reviews on movies and music scientologist bisson scientologist book reviews scientologist bruel simpsons horror scientologist dramas about gangs scientologist dramas halloween scientologist fanaticism pictures scientologist lehman écrivain scientologist movie reviewers   2 scientologist movie reviews   3 scientologist movie reviews ghost and the darkness scientologist movie reviews jfk scientologist movie reviews rocky scientologist movie reviews the right stuff scientologist nudity scientologist opinions anime claudia scientologist lesbian courtship austin teenager scientologist texas group flash movies scientologist   2 gilgamesh scientologist perspective jacob movie scientologist lord of the rings scientologist reviews love boat slater scientologist
manhattan purple book scientologist movie rental recommendation scientologist movies from scientologist standpoint spanking scientologist fiction where can i find scientologist reviews 
 on the movie school of rock

Oh, you knew that whenever I started replacing “christian” with weird stuff, it was only a matter of time before we got to those wacky scientologists…

 

4.3 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

>explanation solaris      (x2) >solaris plot explanation (x2) >original solaris movie >solaris explanation film clooney >solaris explanation movie >solaris film explanation >solaris movie >solaris rehya >solarisexplanation

Yep, after a few months, this is definitely dying down…

 

4.4 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>a synopsis of robert j.sawyer's artificial  intelligence

Now now… I’ve read references to Sawyer’s work as “wooden” before, but never as robotic. Gee.

>are horror movies harmful to viewers

No. But this web site is. (“Before you die, you see… christian-sauve.com!”)

>how do audiences decode the narrative of memento

With maps, secret decoder rings, GPS receivers, decryption utilities and a lot of coffee.

>how to lose weight quickly without paying anything

Well start by buying less food, ya pig!

>list of 100 most beautiful men

Wow, it’s true: On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog…

>raunchy disney movie mistakes

Ah yes, they much be referring to the infamous version of POCAHONTAS that “accidentally” featured a hardcore scene…

>movie prices ottawa (x2)
 >world exchange cineplex odeon

How are these two related? Well, how about this lousy downtown theater with tiny screens and uncomfortable seats going completely nuts by scrapping matinees and re-pricing everything at exactly the same price as the newest, comfiest theater in the area, just as said better theater priced everything *down*? Yes. I’ll take my daily-movie habit someplace more comfortable, thank you.

 

 

November 2003

Here’s a selection of the monthly highlights for christian-sauve.com:

 

1. Mmm. Numbers…

My prickly “Urchin” web stats engine tells me that…

Report for: christian-sauve.com, November 2003   Total Visitors     5,460  
 Total Pageviews     11,264  
 (Corrected Pageviews: 7,048) Average Pageviews Per Day     375.46  
 (Corrected average: 234.93) Total Hits     18,000  
 Total Bytes Transferred     354.1MB  
 Average Visitors Per Day     182  
 Average Hits Per Day     600

The “corrected” numbers take out the CSS, robots.txt, PDFs, mis-filed graphic files (ICO, GIF, JPG) and other non-public files mistakenly considered “pages” by the statistics pre-digestion engine. Results are slightly higher than last month.

In any case, our top ten most popular pages are

/index.html         374
 /reviews.html       178
 /texts/free-movie-tickets.htm  173
 /contact.html       168
 /new-york/day_2.html           154
 /novel/index.html   147
 /texts/solaris-explanation.htm 145
 /reviews/movies-1998.htm       123
 /reviews/movies-2001.htm       118
 /reviews/movies-2002.htm       104

This month’s big success story was the daily journal of my NaNoWriMo novel-writing experience. Hits on my “Solaris Explained” page are down (from nearly 360 in September, and over 500 in August), now that the DVD release of the film has passed.

If you care about such things, (I do!), here’s a look at browser statistics for the month (by visitors, last month’s results in parentheses):

 Explorer|6 2392 (2225)
 Netscape|5  745 (734)
 Netscape|4  739 (721)
 Explorer|5  718 (806)
Googlebot|2  256 (198)

Old (“Evil”) Netscape 4.x versus New (“Good”) Netscape 5+ continues to be a subject of interest, while Explorer 5.x seems to be on the way out…

 

2. Where do these people come from?

Our top five sources of referrals (in visitors) were

google.com/search    831 (829)
yahoo.com/search     357 (374)
www.google.ca/search 255 (216)
msn.com/results.aspx 110 (132)
ask.com/redir         71 (83)

Amazingly stable results.

Elsewhere, I had a good number (100+) of hits from nanowrimo.org. funtrivia.com sent a few visitors my way when, on one of their discussion threads, this site was mentionned as an authority (ha!) on The Princess Bride. Then unofficial christian-sauve.com ambassador to Livejournalia “funos” recommended my Alternate Hugo List as a reading resource, to the dismay of most.

 

3. Ohh! Visitor comments!

Action-packed month for the christian-sauve.com mailbox.  Here’s what happened:

1. “voldak4@aol.com” tried to hack my formmail script. Fortunately, I’ve been in this business too long not to have the latest, greatest, most patched-up version installed. Still, it’s annoying and so I’ve taken steps in order to obfuscate my contact page so that automated script-kiddy attacks will just sliiide away from now on.

 

2. Whoah! Scientist/SF author Robert Zubrin wrote…

I have written a science fiction satire on the Middle East crisis and the War on Terrorism. It is called “The Holy Land,” and concerns what happens when the liberal Western Galactic Empire relocates the oppressed Minervan sect to their ancient homeland of Kennewick, Washington, in the midst of a USA ruled by Christian fundamentalist fanatics. Would you like to review it?

Would I? Given my favorable reaction to his first novel First Landing, I just couldn’t say no!

Days later, the book was in my mailbox. Expect a comment in the December batch of reviews.

 

3. From time to time I worry that my web site isn’t very useful to friends and family. Then my sister uses my contact form to ask trivial questions and that reassures me.

 

4. Someone, somewhere, wrote it to state

Mon chien est mort !! [“My dog is dead !!“]

which, while a sad thing, isn’t of much interest to me.

 

5. An Andrea from Ottawa wrote to ask…

Hi. I enjoyed your Trip to NYC piece. It’s a good historical document, as the Canadian Tire on Kent St. is no longer there! I notice you bought a passport. (Please, please tell me this isn’t necessary — I am going on Dec. 4 and don’t have one.)

Yikes –fellow travellers, in this post-WTC world (the Kent St. Canadian Tire isn’t the only building in my NYC travellogue that no longer exists), you can’t kid around with passports. Get it, even if you’re only going shopping across the border. Hopefully, Andrea had an uneventful trip…

 

5. I was spammed once again by abebooks.fr, who thinks that sending me unsollicited canned email (in massive HTML format, no less) is the best way to earn my respect and my referrals. Yeah, that’ll work… (roll eyes)

 

4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various visitors to find christian-sauve.com)

 

4.1 – Top ten queries

>solaris explanation         (x23)
 >free movie screenings       (x21)
 >solaris explained           (x16)
 >canada           (x14)
 >sauve            (x13)
 >bonar menninger  (x12)
 >free movie tickets          (x11)
 >edward scissorhands symbolism(x9)
 >mortal error      (x9)
 >solaris movie explained      (x8)

The hubbub around SOLARIS (the movie) continues to both die down and dominate the top-ten most frequently used search queries. Both “bonar menninger” and “mortal error” can be explained by the fourtieth anniversary of JFK’s assassination (on Nov.22nd, 2003): ABC ran a documentary in which they examined conspiracy theories surrounding the event, including one espoused by Menninger in Mortal Error.

 

4.2 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>analyse magnolia film in persian language

Yeah. I believe my web site can help you with that…

>carrie-anne moss not aged well

I used to have a “who’s hot” section in these web log statistics. He’s a wrinkle: Who’s no longer hot.

>i generally don't believe in conspiracy theories  except for the ones that are true

Cool quote. I think I’ll steal it.

[As it turns out, a similar quote is in Michael Moore’s Dude, where’s My Country?: “Now, I’m not into conspiracy theories, except the ones that are true or involve dentists.” –P.2]

>pire site web

Triste mais vrai: christian-sauve.com figure dans le premier cinquante résultats lorsque l’on entre “pire site web” chez Google. Sur un total de 100,000. Ow.

>what was the link between the martians and nazis

I… er… I don’t know. Tell me more.

 

 

December 2003

Here’s a selection of the monthly highlights for christian-sauve.com:

 

1. Mmm. Numbers…

My prickly “Urchin” web stats engine tells me that…

Report for: christian-sauve.com, December 2003   Total Visitors     4,641
 Total Pageviews     9,872
 (Corrected Pageviews: 6,250) Average Pageviews Per Day     318.45
 (Corrected average: 201.61) Total Hits     15,467
 Total Bytes Transferred     309.8MB  
 Average Visitors Per Day     150
 Average Hits Per Day     499

The “corrected” numbers take out the CSS, robots.txt, PDFs, mis-filed graphic files (ICO, GIF, JPG) and other non-public files mistakenly considered “pages” by the statistics pre-digestion engine. Results are fell by a sixth compared to last month, an inevitable trend in December.

In any case, our top ten most popular pages are

christian-sauve.com/index.html         250
christian-sauve.com/texts/free-movie-tickets.htm  185
christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2001.htm       153
christian-sauve.com/new-york/day_2.html           131
christian-sauve.com/reviews.html       128
christian-sauve.com/texts/solaris-explanation.htm 123
christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2002.htm        96
christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1999.htm        94
christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-1980s.htm       92
christian-sauve.com/reviews/movies-2000.htm        85

Same old, same old.

If you care about such things, (who would not?), here’s a look at browser statistics for the month (by visitors, last month’s results in parentheses):

 Explorer|6 2001 (2392)
 Explorer|5  599  (718)
 Netscape|4  592  (739)
 Netscape|5  536  (745)
Googlebot|2  286  (256)

Netscape 4.x nearly missed second place. Someone shoot me now…

 

2. Where do these people come from?

Our top five sources of referrals (in visitors) were

google.com/search    659 (831)
yahoo.com/search     297 (357)
www.google.ca/search 169 (255)
msn.com/results.aspx 136 (110)
msn.com/results.asp   58 (New Top-5)

Very stable results.

No new links in December.

 

3. Ohh! Visitor comments!

The christian-sauve.com mailbox nearly had an indigestion this month!  Here’s what happened:

1. A scant few days after further proofing (I thought) my site against further script kiddies formmail attacks, –wham– I get hit once again by one of those, sent by “spaininpain@aol.com” (Search Google to see that Mr InPain has been active all over the web, attacking just about every open feedback form…) Two weeks after, –whump– another attack. One week after than –Bang! Bang! Bang!– three separate attacks from three different IPs in the span of thirty minutes. Add to that what I thought was a webmail attacks (which turned out to be a bug in the software) and a trojan aimed straight at my firewall (which worked and shut down rather than allow the trojan to go past) and I was suddenly a very paranoid squirrel indeed… Fortunately, no permanent damage ensued, and did learn a lot about security in the process…

 

2. The undoubtedly-lovely Marie from Michigan wrote to correct me…

Hey, just a little correction for you. On your top 100 film choices, under Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, you put that Emilio Estevez had a small role. Actually, it was his brother, Charlie Sheen. Just thought I’d let you know. Have a great day!!!

You were right, Marie! Thanks again!!!

 

3. Someone from somewhere read my essay on losing weight (through a lot of things, but mostly walking) and commented…

I’m going to start walking more and come back and complain if it doesn’t work. Very funny essay.

I don’t like complaints… so I really hope it works for you!

 

4. A Christian Sauvé from France wrote to me and left his name, country, email address, and nothing more. I answered with greetings, but there this item ends.

 

5. Adrian from Australia wrote…

thanks for the interpretation of Solaris. It had me lost about 1/3 of the way into it. What was strange was that a phantom could be seen by all members on board. so maybe solaris simply combined different layers of the mind together …. blah blah blah, we are all phantoms of each other…

Aaah, but the “phantoms” were indeed physically present on the station. Another mystery of Solaris… (as a side-note, I should note that my brother and father ended up watching my DVD copy of SOLARIS in December. They may not have liked it a lot, but they seemed to understand most of it.)

 

6. As the final third of the LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy invaded America’s movie screens, there was much anonymous rejoicing and commenting:

I just wanted to make a comment about the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I suddenly realized that Golem was necessary to get rid of the ring. He was the one with the hardend heart, like the Pharoh of egypt, like the vessel unto dishonor.

God does use the wicked to accomplish his agenda. Cause Froto could not have accomplished the mission without Golem’s greed. Froto would have kept the ring if not for Golem jumping in and biting his finger off.

So hats off to JR Tolken for great storytelling. There is truly a Biblical parallel here, to those who choose to see it that way.

Actually, that’s not a bad insight. I kind of like it, really.

 

7. If you’ve missed my review of Mike Frost’s Spyworld, go read it. The author did and wrote to say…

Thanks for your nice review of my book.

Why, thank you!

 

4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various visitors to find christian-sauve.com)

 

4.1 – Top ten queries

>free movie screenings        (x26)
 >solaris explanation          (x25)
 >sauve  (x13)
 >solaris movie explained      (x10)
 >amazon isbn        (x8)
 >christian movie reviews       (x8)
 >solaris explained  (x6)
 >edward scissorhands symbolism (x5)
 >get free movie tickets        (x4)
 >that bringas woman (x4)

Here too, same old business as usual.

 

4.2 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>why canada must join the ww2

A bit late for that nowadays, isn’t it?

>someone who invented something we use today

Remember, kids: overly general questions are not your friend.

>parody of summer girls

How can you parody summer girls?

>is james berardinelli a good critic

Yes he is. Go to his site right now. Don’t come back here.

>gift ideas for pyros

Too easy. C’mon.

>christian sauve website

I will freely admit at being slightly freaked out at this search query. Really.

 

Until next time, my name is Christian Sauvé and I remain… obsessed by web statistics.