Heaven’s Burning (1997)

(On VHS, September 2000) Avoid! Though it stars the ever-dependable Russell Crowe in a suitable tough-guy role, the rest of this low-budget effort hovers between ludicrousness and boredom. Ludicrousness, demonstrated by scenes after scenes of implausible plot mechanics and suspect character choices. For instance, the conservative -and myopic- Japanese husband suddenly buys a gun, kills his best friend without remorse, shaves his head, chucks his glasses and goes across the country on a motorcycle to kill his runaway wife. Boredom, as interminable stretches of nothingness (I’m not talking about the Australian desert) pepper the narrative. Rent Natural Born Killers if you want a similar story, but only die-hard Crowe afficionadoes will enjoy this one. And even then…