Twisted (2004)

(In theaters, February 2004) Another year, another Ashley Judd thriller. But whereas such films as Double Jeopardy and High Crimes were formula films with moments of deep stupidity, Twisted is a deeply stupid thriller with moments of pure formula. Here, characters act like twisted puppets of a mad screenwriter who has lived on a diet of Joe Ezterhas exploitation films. Nothing makes real-world sense and people do ominous things simply to plant red herrings. Ironically enough, this “twisted” films ends up having one of the tritest endings in recent memory. Don’t be surprised if you figure out the “twist” minutes or even hours before the supposedly top-notch detective. The exasperating dialogues are obvious and devoid of artfulness or subtlety. The same goes for the acting and, heck, the cinematography: Despite taking place in ultra-photogenic San Francisco, Twisted settles for a dull series of waterfront shots and interminable apartment scenes. If you ever wanted to see a straight-to-video film accidentally released in theatres, look no further.