The Wicker Man (1973)

(Criterion streaming, August 2019) When I set out to watch the original version of The Wicker Man, I was expecting a sombre backwoods horror thriller far more serious than the bonkers 2006 Nicolas Cage remake.  But this original quickly proved itself just as mad once the lame musical numbers began. Not only musical numbers, but early 1970s folk musical numbers, which is enough to make anyone retch in disgust. Much of the film remains silliness piled upon silliness, as the dumbest policeman in the world meets the most obviously sinister village in the world and can’t help but make himself a target of their underhanded tricks. I’d pay some money for an alternate version in which a SWAT team takes down the village … but until then we’re stuck with a self-righteous cop with little sense of self-preservation. Much of The Wicker Man has aged exceptionally poorly, and I’m not talking about the infamous ending that everybody can see coming thanks to the rise of the folk-horror genre. No, the film is locked in its early 1970s origins (there’s quite a bit more nudity than I expected) and in no small measure to the wave of Hammer horror films that ran on promise more than execution. But for all of my reluctance to say anything nice about film, it does have a few things going for it: The scenery is nice, the tone is slightly more serious than the even-dumber remake, Christopher Lee does have a memorable role, and the film’s last five minutes do have a few good lines and moments (specifically the “you’re the next sacrifice” curse and then the “you get to be a martyr!” response) that suddenly elevate the film above the smothering silliness. I have a thoroughly mixed reaction to The Wicker Man, but remove the last ten minutes and my reaction is far more definitive … and significantly lower.