When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (1970)

(On Cable TV, September 2019) What was that? No, seriously, what was that? Some kind of prehistoric adventure with dinosaurs and women in fur bikini? With invented-language dialogue? And … the formation of the Moon? Did I dream all of this? OK, let me go take a nap. [Later:] Wikipedia tells me I wasn’t dreaming: When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth is not only real, but one of four “Cave Girl” movies made by Great Britain’s Hammer Studios between 1966 and 1971. Clearly, verisimilitude took a distant back seat to titillation considering the well-toned people in skimpy outfits and the presence of actual dinosaurs (and six-foot crabs) in the plot. Amazingly, the story comes from artsy SF writer J.G. Ballard, even if it was later scripted and directed by not-artsy-at-all Val Guest.  To be fair, I only watched the film because it was referenced in Jurassic Park and won an Oscar for Best Special Effects—and in this regard the film delivers in spades: the stop-motion animation of the creatures in staggeringly good even today. Alas, that’s not what I’m going to remember about the film considering the brain-breaking suspension of disbelief required to see attractive cave people fighting dinosaurs. Despite the Oscar win and Spielberg shout-out, When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth isn’t frequently seen today and I’m not going to argue against the wisdom (or at least the indifference) of the masses. Some movies are best shamefully forgotten.