Michael Caine

Four Kids and It (2020)

Four Kids and It (2020)

(On Cable TV, December 2020) A kids’ fantasy film so lightweight that it flies away as soon as it’s over, Four Kids and It looks and feels like a TV movie that somehow stumbled upon a promising cast. The story is about what happens when four kids in a newly blended family discover a mysterious beach creature with the power of making wishes real. Complications accumulate as they explore the limits of that power, and when a local aristocrat has designs on the creature. There are some interesting names in the cast: Michael Caine voicing the creature, Paula Patton and Matthew Goode as the parents of the blended family, and (sigh) Russell Brand as the villain. The special effects are generally acceptable, and the film has enough budget to indulge in its script’s flights of fancy. But there are too many problems to discount: Patton and Goode are saddled with unlikable characters that they can’t fix, while the kids are even more obnoxious than the parents. Brand seems to be playing in a film aimed at an older and more irony-appreciating audience, and the film doesn’t have enough plot to cover it 110 minutes. In the end, Four Kids and It feels like slot-filling TV: it exists because it’s cheap and fulfills some basic programming imperative, but could have been replaced by just about anything even remotely similar.

Blood and Wine (1996)

Blood and Wine (1996)

(Netflix Streaming, December 2020) I don’t think that Blood and Wine is all that good, but the rather amazing cast bolsters a nicely effective neo-noir plot and leaves enough of a good impression to make it worthwhile. Any movie that pairs up Jack Nicholson with Michael Caine as would-be jewel thieves, then adds Stephen Dorff and a splendid Jennifer Lopez as a younger couple (plus Judy Davis and Harold Perrineau Jr. to round things up) definitely gets some attention. Once you start weaving a twisty plot of thievery, betrayal and revenge, however, things get far more interesting. The sultry atmosphere of Southern Florida polishes things to a warm entertaining finish. Plot-driven without neglecting characters, Blood and Wine proceeds without mercy throughout its own fatalistic hit list: As a film noir from the 1990s, it can be less than subtle at times, but still worth a look for pure entertainment.

Victory aka Escape to Victory (1981)

Victory aka Escape to Victory (1981)

(On Cable TV, September 2020) No matter how you slice it, “Sylvester Stallone, Michael Caine, Max von Sydow and Pelé” is a really interesting cast for a WW2 movie. One of those fun war movies absolutely not adapted from real events, Victory posits an exhibition football match between Nazis and allied prisoners in Paris, who set in motion a complex escape plan. Sylvester Stallone stars as an American (captured while fighting with the Canadians) with plans to escape who’s recruited into the resistance for an even bigger escape plan. Cleverly playing both the underdog sports tropes and the war movie escapes one, Victory may not be believable or coherent, but at least it’s distinctive from most other WW2 films you’ve seen. John Huston directs with his usual late-career competence, and the production means are generally sufficient for the film’s scope. But here’s the thing: despite the high potential of the film, its built-in comfort zone, and good performances from Stallone, Caine, Sydow and Pelé, Victory all feels curiously… dull. The execution is fine, but there’s a spark missing: the suspense is slight, the episodes on the way to the ending feel perfunctory, and the entire thing can be almost immediately forgotten. Which is weird considering how unusual a blend of elements it is. Ah well—I suspect Victory is one of those films that begs to be rediscovered periodically: not quite as an enduring gem, but as a curio.

Gambit (1966)

Gambit (1966)

(On TV, March 2020) Part of my curiosity about Gambit was comparing it with the little-seen, somewhat-dismissed 2012 Coen Brothers remake. As it turns out…, those might as well be two different films. There are a few decades’ worth of filmmaking differences between the two, obviously, but also a complete change of setting (the remake takes place in England—the original in Hong Kong) and, frankly, almost the entire plot as I remember it. So, anyone who thinks that seeing the remake is good enough will get plenty of surprises with this original. The opening half-hour of the film is immediately interesting, as a caper unfolds… and then the rest of the film doubles back on the opening act to extend and subvert it. Michael Caine is up to his very high 1960s standards here (albeit a bit more clownish than usual), while Shirley MacLaine, never my favourite actress, is surprisingly entertaining. There are enough twists and turns here to make Gambit a pleasant heist romantic comedy, and one with a great period atmosphere (admittedly bordering on orientalism) by twenty-first century standards. It’s well worth seeing, even by the cinephiles who are familiar with the remake… because it’s really not the same film at all.

Get Carter (1971)

Get Carter (1971)

(On Cable TV, March 2020) Lean, gritty and very mean, Get Carter pushed the British gangster film into neo-noir, offered a career-high Michael Caine showcase and launched writer-director Mike Hodges’s career… and spawned quite a few imitators in the following decades. Caine stars as a driven mobster, rampaging through the Newscastle underground to avenge the murder of his brother. As befit an early 1970s crime film, Get Carter gleefully unshackles itself from the restraints of earlier cinema to deliver a still-unpleasant crime tale filled with rough violence, anti-heroic characters and troubling questions. Even the bleak ending hardly offers any comfort for the viewers. But what was considered almost insupportably nihilist at the time had aged nicely into a harsh neo-noir, considerably bolstered by Caine’s tough performance. Hodges’ style here is not that different from the British kitchen-sink dramas of the neo-realistic era—everything is gritty and grimy, decidedly unglamorous all the way to a coal-stained ending. It’s not an exaggeration to say that Get Carter is now a classic British film of its era. Twice (horribly) remade, Get Carter had more influence in inspiring other British directors to tackle crime-themed thrillers—but arguably so much so that anyone going back to the original may find themselves wondering what it’s all about, so often has it been copied and remixed.

The Ipcress File (1965)

The Ipcress File (1965)

(On TV, March 2020) The 1960s were a golden age of sorts for spy movies, obviously buoyed by the runaway success of the James Bond franchise in the early years of the decade—but while a lot of the straight James Bond imitators were quickly forgotten by time, what gets remembered are those bandwagoners that tried something slightly different. The Ipcress File, in retrospect, has a lot of enviable pedigree—Adapted from a novel by Len Deighton, who later became a reliable bestseller, it also stars a young Michael Caine—and I don’t need to tell you about Caine’s later career. The links to the James Bond movies were closer than most, in that many crewmembers and producers had some involvement in early Bond instalments. But what The Ipcress File does rather well is taken an approach markedly less entertainment-driven than Bond—a sordid tale of brainwashing, glum atmosphere, accidental friendly fire, overwhelming paperwork, an unreliable protagonist and less-than-benevolent hierarchical superiors. Still, the filmmakers aren’t going for audience alienation: If The Ipcress File is still well worth a watch today, half of it is due to Caine’s pure coolness behind square black glasses—a mixture of droll bon mots, assured physicality and his undeniable star quality. It’s markedly murkier in theme and tone than the Bond films and, as such, stands quite well on its own. Now, what’s this about sequels?

The Swarm (1978)

The Swarm (1978)

(On Cable TV, March 2020) Killer-bee movies were a surprisingly robust trend in the late 1970s, with at least three of them on the record—clearly a case of Hollywood taking a new striking idea and then beating it into pulp. None of the killer bee movies are acknowledged as being any good, but big-budget The Swarm actively pushes into ridiculousness at times. Masterminded by master-of-disaster producer-director Irwin Allen, The Swarm follows the then-much-anticipated deadly bees as they make their way north to Texas, and proceed to outwit all humans. To be fair, and this is part of the film’s unique “charm,” the human characters are all singularly stupid here—up to and including panicking hard enough to (somehow) a blow up a nuclear power plant. Who needs killer bees when kids think it’s a good idea to set bees on fire, when train drivers cause derailments at the slightest sign of panic, when military officers think it’s a good idea to torch Houston? In keeping with other 1970s disaster movies, the cast is a remarkable mixture of new faces like Michael Caine (struggling helplessly against the material), and Classic Hollywood veterans, such as José Ferrer, Slim Pickens, Henry Fonda, Fred MacMurray, Richard Chamberlain and Olivia de Havilland. Such an undignified mark on their resumés… although they, too, must have hoped that the film would be as successful as Allen’s previous disaster movies. Alas, it wasn’t so: Audiences were indifferent to The Swarm, and critics were savage in their appreciation — although the film has since gained a bit of a cult status due to its risible nature. (It was, in many ways, the end of Allen’s career: he never as big of a budget nor recaptured the popular imagination after that.) The Swarm may be a bad movie, but it does remain quite a bit of fun to watch—you can’t help but blink at the inanity on screen and wonder how it got made with such expansive means. It doesn’t end once the credits roll: Just as you start to relax, thinking that you’re over the worst of it, the film hits you with the dumbest, most offensive disclaimer imaginable under the context: “The African killer bee portrayed in this film bears absolutely no relationship to the industrious, hardworking American honey bee to which we are indebted for pollinating vital crops that feed our nation.” Ooof! I watched the film with a friend, and at the end of it said, “I’m glad you were with me through this, because later I will be able to ask you if this really happened.”

Dressed to Kill (1980)

Dressed to Kill (1980)

(Google Play Streaming, December 2019) It’s perfectly understandable for anyone to approach Brian de Palma’s movies with a guilty-pleasure mindset—even the better ones. Throughout his career, de Palma has repeatedly aimed for excess, and shocking the rubes was part of the point. Dressed to Kill is no exception, what with its familiar blend of de Palma themes (violence, eroticism, doubles, voyeurism, gender-bending and aberrant psychology) that would make the film recognizable as his work even under a pseudonym. The opening of the film still has the power to shock, as it begins by following one character and, after a moment of explosive violence, switches perspectives to follow another. Michael Caine turns in one of his strangest roles here as a psychologist involved in murder, with Angie Dickinson and Nancy Allen co-starring. The plot barely makes sense—this is one of those “psychological thrillers” with tropes that aren’t impossible, but have never happened. But as with other de Palma movies, the point here are the bloody images, the suspense sequences, the atmosphere of dread where anything can happen and the troubling twists along the way. Dressed to Kill is certainly not a respectable film—borrowing liberally from slashers, giallo and noir, it’s clearly a genre film that revels in including as many provocative elements as it can. But it works, and still lead to several “I can’t believe this film is going there…” comments.

Sleuth (1972)

Sleuth (1972)

(archive.org Streaming, December 2019) I have some admiration for movies that attempt ambitious or over-restrictive premises, and Sleuth certainly qualifies—it’s a bit of a spoiler to say that the film only has two actors (but not really, I mean—you can recognize Michael Caine in any kind of disguise) but that’s part of the film’s interest: An actor’s duel between Caine and Laurence Olivier, as two characters with plenty of secrets spend the entire film engaged in line-by-line combat. There was a chance that a film with such a limited number of actors could run dry, but fortunately there’s enough of a convoluted plot about thievery, lovers, deception and murder to keep things interesting. In the theatrical tradition that inspired it, much of the movie takes place in an elaborate library with plenty of visual interest. It’s quite a lot of fun, and with the calibre of the actors involved (the entire cast was nominated for best acting Oscars, a rare but not unique feat) it’s easy to be swept in the film’s high concept. Directed with a veteran’s ease by Joseph L. Mankiewicz, Sleuth manages to sustain attention with two actors and some great writing.

Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

(On TV, October 2019) As I’ve mentioned before, every Jaws sequel gets worse and worse, and Jaws 4: The Revenge is a bad movie even on the bad movie scale. Not content with having a mere white shark on the prowl, this one has a roaring white shark tracking down surviving family members of a shark opponent all the way down from the northeast United States to the Bahamas. It’s … something all right. Built on such shaky premises, the rest of the film doesn’t go far. In between the incoherent plotting, lame character development and dull sequences, Jaws: The Revenge is an inglorious end to the series. And you won’t believe that inept ending. The best thing the film may have produced is the following quote about lead actor Michael Caine: “I have never seen it, but, by all accounts, it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific!”  What else can we add?

Mr. Destiny (1990)

Mr. Destiny (1990)

(In French, On Cable TV, May 2019) There’s a surprisingly strong subgenre of movies exploring what it would be like to rewrite your own history and see the outcomes of different choices. From the angels-driven plot of It’s a Wonderful Life to the more recent examples justified by quantum mechanics mumbo-jumbo, you can see the appeal of the plot device in order to deliver a statement on the human condition. But it’s the execution more than the premise that will determine the impact of the film, as Mr. Destiny clearly suggests. Clearly made for a mass audience, the film’s hackneyed approach to alternate realities for our everyman protagonist isn’t particularly impressive, nor is its cavalier approach to respecting the integrity of the parallel timeline (helpfully pointed out by the magical character, asking our protagonist if he isn’t behaving reprehensibly by wooing another woman than his now-wife). Moral issues aside (and it’s tough to put them aside, because they are significant and do lessen the impact of the lesson the film think it’s teaching us) Mr. Destiny’s biggest problem is the complete and unvarying predictability of the result as it goes through the expected paces. It doesn’t help that two of the headliners are Jim Belushi and Jon Lovitz, two actors who are obnoxious on their best days and actively irritating on all others. More fortunately, Linda Hamilton and Rene Russo are sights to behold, but they’re not quite enough to make the film interesting—and their place in the plot, as mere prizes to be juggled by the white male protagonist having a not-even-mid-life crisis, betrays some ugly scripting issues. Michael Caine is perhaps the only likable character, but he comes across as ineffectually pointing out basic problems caused by the protagonist’s selfishness before it doesn’t matter and we get out of the dream sequence anyway. There are some far better movies tackling more or less the same issues out there—there’s no need to even watch Mr. Destiny.

Alfie (1966)

Alfie (1966)

(On TV, November 2018) Twenty-first-century cinephiles may be forgiven the occasional pang of synthetic nostalgia for some periods as depicted by the movies. 1960s London, for instance, has been portrayed in exuberant ways by an entire sub-genre, celebrating the excesses of the time while downplaying its less playful aspects. Ironically, it takes another movie to deconstruct the archetype of the 1960s London playboy: Alfie, made at the height of the Swignin’ Sixties, pulls no punches in depicting the kind of flawed personalities that would embrace such a lifestyle, and the consequences that come with it. One of Michael Caine’s earliest claims to fame, Alfie follows a young man with more “birds” than a pet shop, and with enough charisma to turn to the camera and tell us, the viewers, what he’s thinking. Alas, the charm grows thin and the self-deception becomes impossible to ignore the longer the film goes on as his romantic problems grow bigger, he’s afflicted with health issues and distances himself from his own son. It gets much, much worse. And even then the protagonist tries to make light of the situation by trying to get the audience on his side. It doesn’t work, though, not in the film’s second half. It’s difficult to realize today how groundbreaking the film was by the standards of the time, not only in showing the playboy lifestyle, but also the darker side of it. But seen from today, it feels like a near-contemporary commentary (much like Saturday Night Fever) on something that later movies have attempted to romanticize beyond recognition. Alfie remains a good movie … but don’t be surprised to realize at the end that you will never want to watch it again.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)

(On Cable TV, November 2018) Tone and atmosphere are crucial to comedies, and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels manages to keep up a delicate balance between its reprehensible hijinks and the charm of its lead actors hamming it up on the sunny French Riviera. Pleasantly harkening back to earlier decades (it’s a remake of the 1964 comedy Bedtime Story with added complications), it’s a comedy that leaves plenty of room for stars Michael Caine and Steve Martin to riff on their own comic personas, especially when they portray conmen with vindictive streaks. Their banter is infectiously fun, and they manage to neutralize most of the contempt that we would hold for such criminal characters. Glenne Headly is also quite good as the completing piece of the romantic triangle, although it’s a role that requires her to fly under the radar for a while before taking centre-stage in the finale. The French Riviera seems to be a supporting character in its own right, providing the right backdrop for the kind of breezy comedy that director Frank Oz intended. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels may not be all that deep (although there’s enough plot to keep things interesting even for those who have seen the original), but it’s well-executed enough to keep audiences smiling.

A Bridge Too Far (1977)

A Bridge Too Far (1977)

(On Cable TV, November 2018) Watching A Bridge Too Far, I was struck at how closely the film initially seemed to follow the template of The Longest Day: A lengthy WW2 drama covering both sides of the war, with a lavish re-creation of the fighting and an ensemble cast of superstars including Sean Connery, adapted from a non-fiction book by Cornelius Ryan. But the comparisons only go so far, especially as the movie advances and the military operation goes sour. It’s certainly worth noting that a significant cultural shift happened in-between 1964’s The Longest Day and 1977’s A Bridge Too Far: The Vietnam War did much to affect the public perception of war and audiences having digested MASH and Catch-22 and Kelly’s Heroes in 1970 alone were far more willing to embrace a film about an unsuccessful operation. (Even A Bridge Too Far’s opening narration is a bit off-kilter, suggesting a level of built-in cynicism that would have been unheard of fifteen years earlier.) While there are plenty of enjoyable wartime heroics in A Bridge Too Far, mistakes in planning, insufficient intelligence, bad communications and plain old happenstance all contribute to a costly failure. Still, if the events described by the film may be frustrating to watch, the film itself is entertaining enough. The historical re-creation of the massive airdrops is impressive, the massive explosions are numerous and the sheer number of recognizable actors is also notable. Connery gets a great character to play, but there are equally interesting moments for Michael Caine, Robert Redford, Gene Hackman and even Anthony Hopkins in a very early role. The film does not describe a particularly glorious moment for the allied forces, but that may add to the sense of discovery while watching it—I’m a modest WW2 buff thanks to having read many histories of the era as a teenager, but I had either not learned or forgotten much of Operation Garden Market until A Bridge Too Far refreshed my mind. It’s quite a spectacle, and it’s not quite as well-known as other WW2 movies. In any case, it’s worth a watch if the subject matter interests you.

Secondhand Lions (2003)

Secondhand Lions (2003)

(Google Play Streaming, November 2018) I’m a surprisingly good audience for movies that stake out the interesting middle-ground between reality and fabulation, and Secondhand Lions does manage to create a satisfying film from those elements. The premise has to do with a boy being left with his two elderly uncles living on an isolated farm. To say that the uncles (played wonderfully by Michael Caine and Robert Duvall) are eccentric is putting it mildly—they seem to be financially comfortable enough to give in to their whims and fancies (including purchasing a lion), and they keep telling their young charge about their fantastic youthful adventures. You can probably write the rest of the plot yourself, but Secondhand Lions is at its best in the small incidents and adventures, and in bringing their tall tales to life. The conclusion brings all the threads together in a satisfying coda. It’s not a great film or a memorable one, but it’s rather good at what it attempts to do, and provides enough closure to the audience to be worth a look.