From the Web Analytics Archive (2002)

For a long, long while, starting in 2002 when I could finally get reliable web stats about this site, I obsessed about “my” web analytics. How many visitors?  What browser did they use?  What were they looking for?  I published monthly summaries (which wasn’t all that obsessive, given how it led me to regular site improvements) and provided commentary.  I stopped in late 2010, when it became more of a chore than a fun thing to do.

By 2018, the site reports were cluttering the site with low-value content, and (after making a backup) I decided to clean up and delete those old reports.  Still, there were a few snippets worth preserving here, either for historical value, a few chuckles or a glimpse at old-school webmastering.  Here it goes, copy-and-pasted more or less chronologically from 2002, with additional commentary in [italicized brackets]:

April 2002

April 2002 marked the first full month of operations for this site as well as the first month during which search engines started to send visitors to the site. What follows is a short report of web site statistics, search engine queries and our very first reader’s comment! Obsessive fans of, rejoice and read!

I don’t place much faith in “visitors” statistics (which are notoriously unreliable and inconclusive), but the pageviews per day average are quite nice, especially for a personal site that doesn’t advertise itself. Stay tuned for more as the site establishes itself during the next few months…

Google indexed the site in late March 2002, but has only incorporated the results in its database on April 28th. The effect was immediate; page views went from a 75-100 daily average to a 200-250 page views per day. Woah!

Speaking of references, mad props and thanks go to the following people, who have been enlightened by establishing links to my humble scribblings:

Reader comments:

(To protect readers and innocents alike, I will maintain anonymity from all correspondents, except in the case of good comments from friends, in which case I will assign all credit to them. They rock.)

Eric Laforest, on my “Losing Weight” testimony:

Interesting to note you seem to have independently come up with the same views on weight management as John Walker (hacker demi-god).

Indeed. Walker’s e-book should be mandatory reading for anyone even thinking of managing their weight. It neatly dissects all the confusion surrounding the issue with an engineer’s viewpoint and the result is a shining beacon of simplicity in a field that could use some. Strongly recommended.

A reader from Arizona, about my review of Payne Harrison’s “Forbidden Summit”, a shockingly bad UFO-conspiracy novel by an author who used to be a champ in the military techno-thriller genre:

Found your review of Payne Harrison’s “Forbidden Summit” on the web AFTER I read the stupid book. I was so inspired by it that I started it on a plane trip in October and left it in the middle. I finished it on a second trip six months later (last week). I agree with every word of your review. I should have left it in the the drawer after I put it down the first time. And I too, really liked his first two books). Such great promise, such utter drivel.

There are books where I feel that the author should personally write a letter of apology to all readers. Forbidden Summit makes these books look bad.


  • Fact One: Google rocks like three Lolapaloozas multiplied together, if not even more.
  • Fact Two: Everyone uses Google/Yahoo to find what they want on the web.
  • Fact Three: Half the people in the world have a sub-average IQ.

Put together, these three facts clearly lead us to my assertion that search engine queries are a creepy window in the web’s collective unconscious. As you’ll see, it’s not a pretty picture. Hold your breath and peek in between your eyes as we look at what people typed in to get to in the last four days of April 2002…

-Our biggest success story

>isbn lookup

When I designed the “Amazon Bookmarklets” page in February 2002, it was to offer something I had looked for, unsuccessfully, on the web: The ability to quickly and efficiently check up ISBN information through the Amazon database. I received no less than 14 hits on “isbn lookup” in April 2002, showing a real need for that type of stuff. Pat on the back, as I find out that as of early may 2002, the “Amazon Bookmarklet” page is second in Google’s list of results for “isbn lookup”. Sweet!

-Our second-biggest success story

>free movie screening (x3) >free movie preview tickets (x2) >free movie tickets >free movie tickets screening >how to get free movie tickets >star wars advance tickets ottawa

For kicks, I wrote a short article on the various means and ways to attends free advance movie screenings, based on a few personal experiences and what I know of the movie business. It used to be a popular page on, and now the tradition continues…

-Yep, that’s my name

>sauve >

Ooh, it’s such a pleasure to steal even one hit from cybersquatters who bought the
name a few years ago

-Nope, that’s not my name; it’s a religion!

>academies, christian, ak >academies, christian, oh >asimov christian >christian aspect on waiting for godot >christian book reviews >christian graphic powerpoint >christian kid movie reviews >christian shop shirt black cross >christian tv reviews on bad influences on teens >essay on christian rap song >funny christian dramatic monologues >funny christian summer stories >trainspotting christian reviews

Sharing your name with a major world religion can be a bother, and this list illustrates why. Though technically exact (I mean, that last visitor has had the privilege of reading Christian’s TRAINSPOTTING review), I can only imagine the surprise anyone looking for “christian movie reviews” or “christian kid movie reviews” will have when browsing my site…

-Parlez-vous Francais?

>bernard lenteric >convention de star trek a montreal >editions franco-ontarienne >entitees extraterrestres >héros brutal science fiction intelligent >la machine à explorer le temps, h.g. wells  >les films de pierre billon >pierre billon enfant du 5 nord >resume nuit enfants rois lenteric >résumé la nuit des enfants rois >techniques d'impression bd >termite avec diffrente partie du corps >voyage au centre de la terre résumé >essai sur fahrenheit 451  >hotel nouvelle rene levesque >photos d'ecureuils

Two things about these French-language search engine queries bother me:

  • The first is that I really should put up more stuff in French on my web site.
  • The second is that our prickly “Urchin” web stats engine (which I’m forced to use according to the terms of my hosting agreement) doesn’t retain accents. Oh, I spent a while figuring out that all those “rsum” really meant “résumé”…
  • (A third would be; is there a Bernard Lenteric fan club?)

-Current events

>book about september 11 scam

This probably refers to Thierry Meyssan’s L’Effroyable Imposture, an obnoxious book detailing a conspiracy theory about the September 11th 2001 events. (eg; “The Pentagon crash never happened”, etc.) I don’t think I’ll ever review (or even read) that particular piece of trash…

-Kinkier than thou

>adult sex toys in montana >chinatown massages new york city

How the heck should I know?

>catholic school girl elizabeth hurley bedazzled screen shots

Now that’s a kink even I can appreciate.

>wheelchair devotee pictures gay >free movies of hunted sexy female model


-Christian can’t spell. Bad Christian, bad!

>renee zelwegger diet >renee zelwegger naked nude >renee zelwegger nude scenes

Here is the naked truth: People look on the web for nude pictures of actresses. Some actresses have unusual names. Many people, including myself, misspell their names. Now, professional sites employ fact-checkers who make darn sure that Renee Zellweger’s name is spelt correctly. I don’t, and most people using Google don’t. Whereas there may be thousands of pages purporting to offer pictures of “Renee Zellweger” naked, there may be only a few dozen pages suggesting naughty pictures of “Renee Zelwegger”, of which my own movie-reviewing page ranked, for a while, at number 6. Hence the results above. Now, my page doesn’t offer undressed pictures of the adorable Ms. Zellweger, but does lump my review of JERRY MAGUIRE (et al.) with other movies in which I may have made note of a nude or naked scene. The solution? I’ll simply spell her name correctly and hope to sink in the morass of the thousands of pages offering “NAKED ZELLWEGER!”

>fran dresher sex movies

That, of course, should be “Drescher”

>kate beckinsdale nude


>jennifer tilley naked bound

“Tilly” (who is indeed naked in BOUND, not merely a BDSM fetishist’s wet-dream)

>mina sorvino princess

Look! “Mira”!

>halley joel osmond

Apparently, I also suck at spelling kid actor’s names. It should be, of course, “Haley Joel Osment” Ooh! Two mistakes!

>guetamala weather

Not only do I insult celebrities by misspelling their names, but I can also dismiss entire countries such as, er, “Guatemala”.

>danelle steele

Ironically enough, this isn’t a misspelling: I had correctly mentionned “Danielle Steele”, but elsewhere in the file reviewed a book by “Danelle Morton”.

>mechal jordan pictures

Though this is a mis-spelling by the searcher, it points to my review of Karl Schroeder’s Ventus, which features a protagonist called Jordan, mechal (“MECHAnicaL”) life-forms and “spectacular pictures”…

There are three big lessons to learn from this section:

  1. I can’t spell. Okay, known fact, let’s move on…
  2. If you want hits on your web site, you can always deliberately misspell.
  3. Apparently, exactitude is more important to me than hits, because I’m correcting all of the above as I see them.

-Bad spelling is temporary, but perversion is forever

Even spelling actresses’ names correctly may not do much to deter the most sophisticated porn-hunters. To wit:

>erika eleniak nude in under siege >car babes >patriot cheerleaders naked

Go figure why my site should be seen as a hot source of that.

>naked leelee sobieski  >rebecca de mornay nude

I don’t understand… Incredibly enough, their names are spelled correctly…

>kendra torgan pictures

The name is correctly spelled, but Italian model Torgan has only appeared in a handful of movies yet, one of which (KILLING TIME) I’ve talked about.

>photo of the part where roselyn sanchez take off her clothes

(A reference to RUSH HOUR 2. Yes, the name is correctly spelled. On the other hand, I do make an explicit reference to that scene…)

>pictures of dean cain smoking >pictures of lochlyn munro



>lovin spoonful summer in the city mp3 >mp3 theres no business like show business

Mention “MP3” once, and watch them would-be downloaders pour in. In this case, both hits are references to my custom-built “New York” trip soundtrack. Putting my CD collection on-line and casually including “MP3” would probably result in a few more hundred hits per month. Hmmm…

>fatboy slim right here right now video screenshots

It occurs to me that given my interest and partial knowledge of “Big Beat”, I could write an introductory essay and watch the hits pour in! Hmmm…

-Movie zeitgeist (Movies released in the past year or so)

>memento plot murderer >summary of the cinematic techniques used in the  movie memento >le fabuleux destin d'amelie poulin analyse >le fabuleux destin d'amélie poulin soundtrack (2) >because we can moulin rouge >differences between the movie pearl harbour and the  real story >john q vcd cover  >moulin rouge and postmodernism >vcd cover the kid bruce willis >wig legally blonde >behind the scenes jesus christ vampire hunter >interpretation - kiss of the dragon

And the winner is… sweet AMÉLIE POULAIN, with props to MOULIN ROUGE and MEMENTO.

-Older movies

>action music mission final fight impossible list spybreak >austin powers theme song >bad physics in science fiction movies and event horizon >bad and good physics in event horizon movie (x2) >bittersweet symphony cruel i
ntention >comparison of the movie sleep hollow and the book >critical reviews on the movie casablanca >cube plot 1997 gay >dennis rodman spy movie >essay on the movie animal house >examples of social commentary in the big lebowski >fallen movie spoiler denzel >feminist meaning lola rennt >films action representation woman james cameron aliens >fisherkingfilmessay >frequency 2000 movie interpretation family values >gone in sixty seconds classical narrative movie >how the movie gladiator relates to government >indiana jones and the temple of doom summarized story >jackie chan pictures on the movie drunken masters >liar liar film script jim carrey >martin hache summary >max q movie cast 1998 >movie fatal instinct >national lampoons favorite deadly sinslust >natural born killer anime >o brother were art thou compared to the odyssey by  homer film summary >o brother where art thou symbolism yellow >october sky and society >office space complete script >rush hour film racial mixing >sixth sense and second viewing and clues and list >stuart smalley saves his family psychology >texas chainsaw massacre dubbed foreign versions >theories in the movie antz >todays technology in relation to the technology in gattaca >zorro the gay blade sounds

Notice how some of those queries are phrased suspiciously like essay questions. Kids, I love doing some of your homework for you, but the very least you could do would be A> An appropriate citation in your paper, and B> Some feedback from time to time!

-How the Anglos see us

>from good to great translation french

Strictly speaking, that would be “de bon à grand” (or “De bon à excellent”), but the specific expression has no real equivalent.

>pierre elliot trudeau lousy french


-Author! Book! Review!

>autobiography george zebrowski  >bad and beautiful ian halperin >blood music greg bear >book club questions lions game nelson demille >book reviews of shawshank redemption >book reviews on stephen king lack of plot >character sketch of tom clancys net force >chuck palahniuk critic choke >dan simmons hyperion explained >derryl murphy >et tu babe >detailed plot summary of stranger in a strange  land by heinlein >executive orders debt of honor spoilers plot >deus ex machina updike computer >descriptive chapter summaries of the book snow crash >j. r. r. tokenbiography >jack mcdevitts eternity road summary >jurassic park _by michael crichton_ chapter summaries >larry beinharts >lysa moskowitz-mateu david lafontaine >m.a.c. farrant >nicholas pillegi >novel grid characters philip kerr >palahniuks style fight club style >richard bachman book reviews >richard preston monologue >rush limbaugh fat liar >snapshots from hell peter robbins >stephen king book reviews different seasons >stephen king desperation  >teranesia egan prabir last chapter >the murderer ray bradbury >the tranquility alternative >use of narrative harlan ellison repent harlequin  said the ticktockman >william j. coughlin destruction >worst-books heinlein

-Cool searches

A few search queries I am proud to have helped:

>book bordering on aggression >american invasion of canada what if

Both referring to Floyd Rudmin’s Bordering on Agression, a book detailing america’s plans to invade Canada over the years. It took me long time to track down the book, so color me pleased to be able to share the knowledge around.

>economic fiction

I once qualified Richard Rohmer’s Death by Deficit (a novel about the bankruptcy of Canada) to be “Hard economic-fiction”. I’m happy to see the term catching on… 🙂

>in theaters february 2000

I annotate my reviews by time and place, so movies seen in theaters in february 2000 are noted as such.

>rockland ontario

Yay, hometown!

>steinberg gemini harrison ford

Interestingly enough, I picked up Richard Steinberg’s The Gemini Man because I had heard a rumor about a movie project of the same name that was to star Harrison Ford. The book proved to be awful and unrelated to the rumor, but it’s fun to help.

>top grossing films of 1991

You wouldn’t expect a humble site like mine to compete with the big box-office sites out there, but thanks to the IMDB, I have included a top-grossing chart on every one of my “yearly movie reviews” pages… and the next thing you know…

>thorp roderick

I’m still waiting for an email pointing out that my review of Thorp’s Nothing Lasts Forever (now aka Die Hard) is the best DIE HARD book/movie comparison on the web, but that’ll do in the meantime.

>fdr drive photos from queensboro bridge

Well, I do have a picture of the Queensboro Bridge from above the FDR drive…

-Fuzzy searching

>codes and conventions of a typical thriller >horror movie bodycounts >motivation of watching romance movie >physics and movies and force and breaking glass >placement of soda in movies >slasher movie bodycounts >teen rock movies essay >the 100 greatest violent mayhem movies >the mark of a true mba is that he is often wrong but  seldom in doubt >top-100 thrillers books

It occurs to me that any of the above might form an interesting seed for a full-blown essay.

-The weird ones

>biography tony shaloub >chinese fighting techniques outdated kung fu >essay about the embarrassment and humour >meta-story of sports >o.j. simpson cochrane photo picture >robert heinlein's comments about church of scientology >why do cuckoos make low pitched sounds

Why in the world would I know anything about the above?

>movie that ed harris and jean claude van damme  starred in together

As far as I know, such a movie remains to be made. Fortunately for Ed Harris, perhaps.

-Consult a professional. Now!

>odds of becoming addicted to heroine at the age of 16

You; get professional help, not a book reviewer.

>penis due to scrach

Eek! Run to your physician!

>reword information on terrorists september 11

I fully support the noble goal of eradicating terrorism, but goodness, if you know where Osama is vacationing, go to your nearest American embassy/consultate rather than surf the web!

Please remember that all of the above is true. Nothing’s been made up. Not only do these people exist, but they also have access to the most sophisticated communication network in history. Pheer!



May 2002

Reader comments!

(To protect readers and innocents alike, I will maintain anonymity from all correspondents, except in the case of good comments from friends, in which case I will assign all credit to them. They rock.)

Eric Laforest pings, bzzps and corrects:

You mention Whipping Star as by Brian Herbert.
I recall it as by Frank.

Too true. Fixed.

Someone wrote:

Because it’s only action stuff that I use in the future. It particularly functional useful to know about bondage and secrecy.

Honest to goodness, I can’t even begin to parse that comment. Sounds vaguely kinky, which makes it even more bizarre. I’m filing this one under “huh?”

On the positive side, though, this note has finally motivated me to implement the long-awaited “referrer” field on my comments page. At least now I’ll know to which page my readers are referring.

Another reader comments:

hello, i read your review on hms unseen and can’t disagree with you about that one, the thing that concerns me is your blow to dale brown’s b-52 stories. i have read several of his books and find his novels to be very enjoyable. they appeal to me especially because of their deep roots in the aviation world.

Yay! First negative comment!

One one hand, well, I can’t say enough bad things about Patrick Robinson’s HMS Unseen, except that I’ll buy his next book just to see how bad he can get.

On the other hand, while I haven’t been all that enthusiastic about Dale Brown’s latest books, I thinks that I have made it very clear elsewhere that I used to think very highly of him. Only his last few novels have been stale and repetitive; his first books are still some of the finest techno-thrillers ever written.


Search Queries

>free movie screenings (11)  >free movie tickets (11)  >free movie preview tickets (3)  >free movie sneak preview tickets (2)  >how to get free movie screenings (2)  >advance movie screenings in premiere  >advance movie tickets  >free advance movie screenings  >free movie screening tickets (2)  >free movie ticket  >free movie tickets ottawa (2)  >free tickets to movie screenings  >tickets for test screenings  >how to get into advance movie screening  >how to get sneak preview movie tickets  >attend movie advance screenings  >preview movie tickets

Bein oui. Free stuff is popular on the web. Call the newpapers.

-We(b) surfers appreciate the female form

>kendra torgan (7)  >françoise yip nude (6)  >roselyn sanchez nude (4)  >patricia pearcy nude (3) >françoise yip (2)  >piper perabo nude (2)  >film hexed claudia christian pictures naked  >erika eleniak under siege nude  >tia carrere nude films  >sarah silverman nudity  >penelope cruz's haircut  >brigitte wilson  >holly hunter nipple  >jennifer lopez the cell dvd nude shot  >rene russo thomas crown backside  >natalie portman undressed  >thora birch kindergarten cop

Aside from Holly Hunter, I can’t say there’s a bad-looking choice in the bunch… wait a minute; what am I saying? WHY CAN’T YOU RESPECT THESE WOMEN AS ACTRESSES, YA PERVS?

-It’s not just the boys, girls.

>candid shots david duchovny >jet li celebrity caricatures

So we’re an equal-opportunity perversity dead-end.  Oh joy.

-Christian can’t spell

(In which our bad, bad webmaster is taught the correct spelling of words by horny web perverts stumbling on his site. Hey, it happens.)

>yasmine bleech (3)

“Baywatch” and BASEKETBALL inflatable star Yasmine Bleeth, of course. Embarrassing #9 ranking on Google, but not nearly as embarrassing as the #1 ranking, a whole fan site dedicated to “Yasmine Bleech”

>lisa bonnet naked (2)

“Lisa Bonet”: beautiful black actress, ex-wife of Lenny Kravitz, Cosby show alumni and supporting player in HIGH FIDELITY. Only the first and the last has any relevance on, once you get past the pesky little “bonnet” misspelling.

>joanna brewster

This one took me by surprise: Nascent co-star of THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS is named “Jordanna Brewster” and not, well, the above. Given that I still hope that she will eventually call me back, I will never make this mistake again.

>singer allyiah >aalyiah evidence plane crash

Oh, like you could spell “Aaliyah”.

>josh harnet picture >othello josh harnet

Josh “Hartnett”… gaah…

>ryan phillipe nude

Ryan “Phillippe”.  Bla

>men's underwear dan ackroyd

Misspelling “Aykroyd” is surprisingly common on the web. Go Google and check it out!

>gay dewon sawa

How could I ever mis-spell “Devon”?

>Admusen (2)

Referring to famed Norvergian polar explorer Roald Amundsen, of course… ahem…

>moulin rough

I plead not guilty on this one…

-That’s my name!

>sauve (6) >Christian Sauvé (5)

Yay! People are looking for me!

> (2) > (2)

Once again, I manage to swindle those cybersquatters out of two hits! Ha!

-Places I go, people I know

>rockland ontario

Hometown rules!

>orleans cineplex odeon 3  >ottawa movie theaters 2  >cineplex odeon in south keys ottawa time schedule   >sommerset theatre ottawa  >south keys cinema ottawa sound

Ottawa-area theaters.

>endroits a visiter ottawa  >parliament hill ottawa paranormal  >hobos in ottawa  >nanotech ottawa

Some local color.

>karine sauvé (2)

Heya sister.

>timna gorber (2)


The last two queries give me an idea: If people routinely ego-surf for their name, and if I put up a “What Ever Happened To?” page asking what happened to X, Y and Z from school/work, wouldn’t this be an effective honey-trap to passively make contact with lost classmates/colleagues?

-Those other Christians make me laugh

>christian movie reviewers (5)  >top 100 christian books (3)  >christian book reviews (2)  >christian mimes (2)  >good christian movies (2)  >christian book critic  >christian booked called e.d.g.e.  >christian essay on terminator 2  >christian films  >christian free webspace no ad  >christian movie criticism  >christian movie review for piranha  >christian movie reviews fast and the furious  >christian quotable phrases  >free funny christian narration  >recommended canadian christian web hosting

As I’ve said before; the hazards of sharing your name with a major world religion…

>christian slater and nude scene

I won’t worry until I start seeing “Christian Sauvé and nude scene.” At that point, I’m going commercial. Speaking of which…

>artistic nudity christian

Your guess is as good as mine.

-I swear, there’s got to be a class project at the root of all these requests

>bernard lenteric (3)  >bernard lenteric la nuit des enfants rois (2)  >resumé livre la nuit des enfants rois (2)  >bernard lentéric la nuit des enfants-rois resume  >resume des livre de bernard lenteric  >resume livres de bernard lenteric  >résumé bernard lenteric  >résumé bernard lenteric la nuit des enfants rois

(Update: Answering a desperate request for explanation on a mailing list I belong to, an European reader rightfully points out that the book is far too grim to be used in school, but there seems to be an upcoming film version of the novel in the works, which probably explains the interest.)

-Cultural Zeitgest: Movies

>kirsten dunst  >kirsten dunst deleted nude scenes  >kirsten dunst spider man rain revealing  >spider-man nanotechnology  >which movies does williem dafoe play in

Can’t you tell that SPIDER-MAN came out in May 2002?

>amélie poulin soundtrack (2)  >soundtrack amélie poulin (2)  >amelie montmartre quotes  >amelie poulin movie book   >amelie poulin subtitles  >fabuleux destin d'amelie poulin video

Can’t you tell that AMELIE POULAIN is now out on DVD?

-Hey, I’ve been to New York!

>amc 25 theater  >applebee's restaurant 42nd street manhattan  >strand annex  >wall street bronze bull poster  >nyc union square sign above virgin

Let’s see; travel, have fun, see the world, get more hits on my web site. Where’s the catch?

-This ain’t an MP3 site

>frank sinatra new york new york mp3  >welcome to new york city rap song  >the lovin spoonful summer city mp3  >spoonful mp3 summer in the city  >2 unlimited techno biographies

One of these days I will simply upload my master Winamp playlist…

-About ze movies

>reviews by martial arts purists against kung fu sequences in crouching tiger hid  >road film almost famous  >waking life  >the commitments conclusion movie  >the cyberstalking movie soundtrack  >the legend of the flying swordsman soundtrack credits  >the mis en scene for the movie untouchables  >the names and brands of cars from the movie fast and the furious  >stuart little details unedited  >steve martin dead men don't wear plaid quotes  >seconds bacchanal  >soundtrack blood sport movie van damme  >soundtrack mean guns mambo  >postmodernism film fight club  >postmodernism moulin rouge  >scripts of trailers of 13th warrior  >movie reviews one flew over the cuckoos nest  >movie script of disclosure  >movie soundtrack for billy madison starring adam sandler  >movie quiz pictures invisible man guess the movies  >movie translation mistakes  >luc besson taxi 2 dvd cover  >grease the movie budget  >happy gilmore movie script  >harts war vcd cover  >hochelaga logo le film  >jacobs ladder scriptwriter  >mean guns quotes  >gattaca theatrical aspects  >gattaca themes  >fear and loathing in las vegas revives  >fear of a black hat quotes  >film criticism casablanca  >film review-one flew over the cuckoos nest  >ending out of sight spoiler lopez  >dvd release fear of a black hat  >conspiracy enemy of the state  >comparing the alonzo to the plot in training day  >classical music in ronin figure skating scene  >choose life ewan mcgregor speech trainspotting  >charlie sheen chris tucker money talks quotes  >chasing amy gay representation  >breakdown 1997- the movie script  >breaking physics in movies event horizon  >biodome movie  >biodome pauly shore  >animation realism satire south park  >armageddon steve buscemi parody  >artificial intelligence flaws plot holes spielberg  >american beauty antagonist protagonist paper  >american graffiti the movie and historical comparison  >8mm review distressingly  >a thin red line script quotes  >1997 movie breakdown where was it filmed  >buy war named desire canada

-Author! Author!

>gonzalo lira (4)  >patrick sauer (2)  >tim onosko 2  >roderick thorp (2)  >bonar menninger 2  >tom vanderbilt  >pellegrino charles  >george zebrowski philosophy language  >frank camper  >john douglas journey into darkness  >john varley novel movie  >julie czerneda interview  >maxine mcarthur  >"andrew weiner" sf writer  >bill branon  >robert j. sawyer bibliographie  >isaac asimov writing faults  >susan r. sloan book discussion guide  >eric s. nylund  >eric l harry  >discussion of joe r. lansdale  >chuck palahniuk canadian  >chuck palahniuk survivor quotes  >brad linaweaver and dafydd ab hugh  >tom clancy writings effect  >tom clancys net force ending  >historical facts of tom clancys point of impact

-Francophone Science-Fiction and Fantasy

>serena gentilhomme  >stanley péan  >stanley pean résumé  >nelle de vilveq  >joel champetier  >mathieu daigneault  >enfant du cinquieme nord  >des resumé de livres de francine pelletier

Hey, I personally know all of these people!

-Books I have reviewed

>a signal to noise quotes eric nylund  >autographed books for sale time enough for love robert heinlein  >book club questions for lions game nelson demille  >rank larry bond books  >rendezvous
with rama book club discussion  >report the cruel sea monsarrat  >richard rohmer death by deficit  >the grid philip kerr novel character  >the handmaids tale plot outline  >the first immortal halperin review  >the bookman's wake >steinberg the gemini man   >sphere michael crichton symbolism  >interview w/ the vampire book reviews  >michael flynn fallen angels  >rogue warrior book review  >gun, with occasional music theme  >fahrenheit 451 professional reviews  >dragon never sleeps  >headcrash book  >captain jack zodiac review  >hot zone by richard preston book reviews  >history of mtv  >bridget jones diary- book reviews  >bridget jones's diary compared with pride and prejudice  >book reviews on silence of the lambs  >book reviews on the third twin  >book reviews - ghost from the grand banks  >airframe book reviews  >analysis of remake by connie willis  >impact of censorship on fahrenheit 451

Interesting, isn’t it? Well, okay, maybe not.

>0-553-10652-x hard cover

I had to look it up, but this does indeed refer to Dan Simmons’ The Rise of Endymion. Who knew that a slavish obsession with ISBNs would one day result in a hit for my web site?

>in lieu of red tape

A reference to Frank Herbert’s Whipping Star; it’s the motto of the Sabotage Bureau, responsible for ensuring that bureaucracy moves at a snail’s pace.

>asimov dead past clarke baxter

Interesting. In their afterword to The Light of Other Days, Arthur C. Clarke and Stephen Baxter acknowledge a bunch of previous inspirations, but not Asimov’s “The Dead Past”. I remarked so in my review, and now it seems as if someone else has figured it out.

>americans invading canada  >rudmin bordering on aggression  >invasion plans us canada

These three queries all refer to Floyd Rudmin’s Bordering on Aggression, a book detailing historical (and presumably updated) American contingency plans to invade Canada. Interestingly enough, I had a hard time finding information of Rudmin’s book when I was tracking it down. Maybe my review is helping some poor soul out there…

>georgia middle finger swastika >the onions point counterpoint

Two references to The Onion’s Dispatches From the Tenth Circle

>gary taubes (2) >nobel dreams >rubbia unpleasant

References to Gary Taubes’s Nobel Dreams, a non-fiction book partly about a rather unpleasant scientist named Carlos Rubbia.

-Ooh. Kinky.

>underwater femme fatales  >theatre and complete nudity  >russian leather hitwoman  >nude honk kong school girls  >free nudist pictures  >cheerleading competitions

You never know what you’re going to get… Speaking of which;

-How did I get these hits?

>removing hummer soft top  >renaissance pictures xena bloopers  >vertical bazooka radiation plot  >stretched hummers limos price  >south american neck stretching  >stupidest car crashes  >totalitarism birth control  >singing kittens beach  >giant styrofoam pen props  >sales figures childrens cd-rom  >nike air discontinued models 1997  >outside hippie wedding  >how easy is it to call a rogue a villain satire 1963  >hippie wedding gown  >frontpage 2002 upgrade crack  >fancy hairdos  >cloning experimental report in canada   >childrens book about boy so lazy he had rube goldberg like machines dress him an  >burkesville haunted village  >advertising techniques of noxema  >average cost to make low-budget direct-to-video sci-fi film  >bad presidents characteristics

Web surfers search for the darndest things…  “Giant styrofoam pen props”? What’s up with that?

-I love doing other people’s essays

>essay cinematography  >essay on crimson tide the movies or book  >essay on the movie dance with me  >essay on tommy clothes  >film reviews big daddy essay  >movie father of the bride essay  >piano movie essay  >star ship troopers essay  >terminator essay  >thriller movies essay

At least the students entering the above queries are honest enough to be looking for essays. Those looking for the queries below, however, have much to answer for if ever they lift stuff verbatim from this web site without proper attributions…

>stranger strange land sex theme society gender  >symbolism in slow river by nicola griffith  >the future of human history as a science  >postmodernist use japanese anime  >movie analysis reviews on basic film elements such as production design cinematography  >movie armageddon and relation to physics  >movie critic related in physics about the film deep impact  >movie critics related in laws of physics deep impact  >l.a. confidential analyse film genre film noir  >malcolm x is full of imagery and symbolism  >maltese falcon film and book comparison  >martian chronicles significant passages  >it is blatant that one of the themes of tale of two cities is self-sacrifice.  >how the film se7en can be associated with its genre- modern noir  >how does smoking effect the earth's air we breath  >harry potter and the sorcerers stone themes, characters, events, settings, style  >comparison and contrast of the book a time to kill and the movie a time to kill  >compare and contrast of treasure island the book and  movie  >chapter summaries for congo by michael crichton

-Current events

>sexual harassment church duty to inform


-You people need help

>spacesuit decompression video clips   >octopus attacks nude girl   >milked girls art illustrations   >fantasy execution and beheading



>in 1973 an adorable bunny was chosen to     represent what product

That question popped up twice in two days, leading me to speculate some kind of contest.  In any case, a quick search revealed that “Nescafe Quick Chocolate Milk” is the correct answer.  Just so you know.

>iran's government

One day, I will have to tell you of the time we received an official email from Iran’s government at work. But not today.

>geocities unusable

Interesting. Given that owes its very existence to the fact that Geocities is now indeed unusable, I hope I have been able to satisfy that person’s interest.

>1997 richard gere hamster rumor

(Uncontrollable giggling)

>movie joel shumaker should die

Now, now… Destroying the BATMAN film franchise isn’t that much of a hanging offence…


Until next time, my name is Christian Sauvé and I remain… bewildered!


June 2002


Lower down the list, I found several references from “”, which is a private mailing list dedicated to serious film criticism. My efforts to join the group were denied (it’s by invitation only, alas…), but the moderator patiently explained that, indeed, my “movie critic selection tool” was discovered by members of the group, and apparently (104 input page views! 79 results page views!) used with some amusement. (One of the web mail clients used to refer to my page even gave me the title of a thread referring to my page: “I feel like a unique and beautiful snowflake.” –A reference to FIGHT CLUB, probably: Hurrah!)

I also found a referring link from “”, which (after some detective work), I eventually resolved to posting.php?mode=quote&p=1950

where it says

The 2001 WFC site does appear to be dead – however, Christian Sauve has an interesting report on [URL] It seems that SRD did indeed attend, and appeared on a panel discussing (aptly enough) “Moral Responsibility in Writing” ! The only Chronicles reference is Quote: ‘When came in the inevitable question from the audience to Stephen R. Donaldson about his Covenant series, Donaldson switched nameplates with Kushner.’ (Kushner being some other guy on the panel). If anyone wants to email Sauve then there’s a contact page on (…)

Apparently, some Donaldson fans are concerned that Stephen might or might not write a third “Covenant” series. Good luck finding out, guys…


Reader Comments

Oh, actually this isn’t true; on Tuesday, June 11, 2002 at 00:36:56, I’ve had a 250+KB prank email containing what looked like 32759 instances (exactly) of the word “turnip” followed by the phrase “One of these things is not like the others.” Lo and behold, a quick search-and-replace of all instances of “turnip” by nothing easily revealed an instance of the word “carrot” buried two-third of the way through. Very funny, “modemcable011.147-203-24.”, but I’ve got your IP. 🙂 Points awarded for cleverness; it made me giggle a little bit. Even if you’re still using “Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 5.5; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90; videotron)” rather than do the sensible thing and upgrade to Mozilla 1.0.

Search Queries

3. Search Queries Oddities

3.1 Our Biggest success stories

>isbn lookup (x22)  >isbn number lookup (x2)  >lookup isbn (x2)  >amazon isbn lookup (x3)  >isbn find christian  >books isbn lookup

Once again, our “Amazon ISBN Lookup Bookmarklet” finds an audience.

>free movie tickets (x15)  >free movie screenings (x13)  >free movie preview tickets (x3)  >get free movie tickets (x3)  >free movie premiere tickets (x2)  >free movie screening tickets (x2)  >free movie sneak previews (x2)  >how to get free movie tickets (x2)  >free movie  >free sneak preview movie tickets how to get  >how to get into movie test screenings  >sneak preview movie tickets  >upcoming movie premiere tickets

Self-explanatory, I believe. People love free movie tickets.

3.2 Name’s Sauvé. *Major World Religion* Sauvé

>1999 christian movies (x2)  >christian blog (x2)  >christian movie reviewers (x2)  >armageddon willis christian sacrifice  >best christian male female ratio  >best movies of 2001 christian  >blockbuster christian movies  >christian explanation of movies  >christian fiction bridget jones  >christian movie reviews 2001  >christian movie reviews on the movie antz  >christian perspective mothman prophecies  >christian reader book snow crash  >christian reviews of secular novels  >christian strip tease  >fisher king christian movie  >heinlein christian offensive  >movie reviews christian perspective batman 1989  >pulp fiction christian reviews  >top 100 christian writings  >vietnam veteran christian

“christian strip tease”? What is this world coming to?

>christian bale's children  >christian rufiange  >christian slater nude

Ooh-la! Other famous Christians!

>luc lanthier (x2)

Hello Luc! (He’s a pal)

>sauve (x4)  >so (x2)  > (x2)  >sauvé

Please tell me: What is “so”? Full-blown egomania?

>Christian Sauvé (x2)  >christian sauve (x2)

Keep the others; I do think those are mine!

3.3 Everyone loves celebrities. Especially naked celebrities.

>roselyn sanchez nude (x10)  >françoise yip (x2)  >robin tunney naked (x2)  >roselyn sanchez nude for free (x2)  >alicia silverstone getting tickled in a movie  >bridget fonda fak
e nude photo free  >free lauren holly nude picks  >kendra torgan  >michelle rodriguez free fake nude  >winona ryder movie great opening song  >zellweger dominatrix future movie

Believe it or not, every single one of those names is spelled correctly.

>crazy beautiful kirsten dunst nude clip  >free kirsten dunst nude crazy/beautiful   >kirsten dunst crazy/beautiful nude sequence  >kirsten dunst showering

Hmm.. am I the only one to detect a slight Kirsten Dunst fascination in the zeitgeist?

>allan cummings  >david hyde pierce anal  >guildenstern tim roth images  >ed burns lecture  >leonardo decaprio on elvis presley  >jack black's favorite colors  >mc hammer movie role  >meyer brecklin nude

What? Did you think heterosexual males were the only one looking for their favourite celebrities?

>cammy street fighter naked

Even virtual celebrities get their moment in the sun.

3.4 Reviews: The Queries Honeypot!

3.4.1 Movie Reviews (Specific)

>a contrast between the princess bride as a  movie and a book (x2)  >biodome script (x2)  >the movie braveheart plot structure (x2)  >thesis on bridget jones diary (x2)  >10 scientific mistakes about the movie volcano  >abre los ojos complete script  >armageddon continuity problem movie  >bridget jones diary script play barrel single  girl  >brother termite movie  >charlie's angels originals redhead  >chemistry concepts in the movie flubber  >choreography for miss congeniality soundtrack  >clueless lingo from the movie  >compare and contrast of the movie godzilla  from the original to the rewrite  >dialogue francais american history x  >dick tracy movie reviews  >dude where's my car giant hot alien babe  movie trailer  >essay on the film sleeping with the enemy  >essays comparing the book to the movie the  green mile  >fear and loathing in las vegas voice-over  >film techniques truman show  >free essay existenz  >geological mistakes on the movie volcano  >get free mating habits of earthbound humans  >grease script movies in 78  >habits of earthbound humans full movie  >harry potter deleted scene shortcut  >harry potter yves corbeil  >harts war divx cover  >hollow man movie science facts works paul  verhoeven film  >hollow man science science fiction future  facts of invisibility  >hot shots 1991 budget production  >inspector gadget spandex scene  >legally blonde narrative structure  >legally blonde/ screenplay/ script  >lingo from the movie clueless  >mask of zorro tap dance sequence  >metal mayhem jackie chan pictures  >minority report tom cruise emp  >movie abra los ojos  >mulholland drive lesbian sex scene video clip  >nude scenes from shakespeare in love 100 free  >october sky by homer hickman thesis on  >of mice and men movie reviewer  >postmodernism in moulin rouge  >postmodernism moulin rough  >prequel to hot shots part deux  >pulp fiction movie spoiler black guy in gun  shop  >riddlers moon review  >romeo must die characterisation  >saving private ryan film quotes dialogue  scripts  >scenes shrek  >script ending for disturbing behaviour  >series bible buck rogers  >shrek essay  >spacesuit jodie foster contact  >stir of echoes quotes  >sum of all fears differences book movie  >symbolism in abre los ojos  >the blob movie soundtrack  >the haunting movie angle shots etc.  >the pallbearer soundtrack tracks  >the silence of the lambs book reviews  >the texas chainsaw massacre videogame  >the whole script to the movie about the singer  selena movie >true lies strip tease video  >unforgiven movie symbolism  >vanilla sky analyzing it  >wild things naked movie scenes  >what women want and movie and set design and  apartment  >whats wrong with the movie deterrence

3.4.2 Movie Reviews (general)

>1970s car chase movie  >action movie of the 1970s  >actresses biography body for hong kong  >an american crime-comedy movie made in the  early 90s with mother in the title ma  >nc-17 rated martial arts films  >special effects in movie bullet hit squibs  >top ten grossing films us 1991  >tv movies scary 1970s  >hk movie themes song  >unearthing movie reviews  >what type of genre does renny harlin uses in  his movies  >science fiction films of 2000 list

Film geeks rejoice…

3.4.3 Book Reviews

>captain jack zodiac (x2)  >lady slings the booze movie (x2)  >nobel dreams (x2)  >sight of proteus (x2)  >snow crash summaries  >3001: the final odyssey summary  >alienation fahrenheit 451  >arthur hailey wheels reviews  >billon l'enfant du cinquime nord  >biography of tom mcgrath author of mtv the  making of a revolution  >biology dragons eye book  >book covers pictures requiem for a dream  >book report the alienist caleb carr  >book reviews airframe  >book reviews crichton the lost world dreadful  >book reviews for dead hand by harold coyle  >book reviews of dennis rodman biography  >book reviews: jurassic park  >book summaries hg wells war of the world  >brussolo maitre des nuages  >death by deficit richard rohmer  >descriptions of characters in the novel blood  music by greg bear  >dune novels plot summaries  >dust by charles pellegrino summary  >elmore leonard get shorty interpretation  >engines of the gods mcdevitt  >excerpts from the chapters in the book guns  germs steel  >fear and loathing in los vegas plot summary  >fountain of paradise clarke   >genesis code movie  >gonzalo lira book counterparts  >gravity dreams  >gravity tess  >guns of the south summary  >halley potter and the philosophers stone book  >historical context of agatha christie when she  wrote the book easy to kill  >hms unseen publish  >infectress review  >insomnia summary stephen king  >kilo class book review  >last chance to see : essay  >library policeman stephen king summary  >lois duncan the third eye book review  >lord of the rings accelerated reader cheats  >lord of the swastika  >madame bovary _psychologie des personnages  >marcinko chapter  >margaret trudeau beyond reason  >moneychangers hailey review  >one point safe cockburn  >penguin readers level 5 stephen king the body  >plot summaries crichton  >plot summary of the book red planet by robert  a. heinlein  >plot book characterisation bridget jones diary  >poison pen lysa  >professional book reviews for tom clancys point  of impact  >random excess laver  >research on remaking eden novel  >ross laver random excess  >stanley pan zombie blues  >starship troopers chapter summaries  >storm of the century stephen king criticism  >summary for the other end of time  >summary j.g.ballard running wild  >summary of all chapters in legacy of heorot  >summary of sphere by michael crichton  >the andromeda strain chapter summaries  >the lost world jurassic park 1997 review  superior sequel  >theme climax irony of enders game  >thorp roderick nothing lasts forever  >tv impact in fahrenheit 451  >war of the rats reviews  >zombie blues stanley pan

3.4.4 About a book…

>morgenstein princess bride

“Morgenstein” is the “author” of William Goldman’s The Princess Bride.

>shark trager

Shark Trager is the name of the protagonist in Robert James Baker’s Boy Wonder.


The Technocore is the name of the AI antagonists in the Hyperion series.

>vasily zaitsev affair

Vasily Zaitsev is the famous WW2 Russian sniper whose exploits at Stalingrad become the basis for the book The War of the Rats and the movie ENEMY AT THE GATES.

3.4.5 Author! Author!

>gary taubes (x2)  >gonzalo
lira (x2)  >alvin toffler illiterates  >artist john harris  >clancy point of view characters  >dale brown  >dale brown satanism  >donald kingsbury  >larry beinhart  >marcinko interview  >mark leyner 2001  >maxine clarke beach book review  >michel gratton  >michio kaku was born in  >payne harrison black  >robert sawyer resign sf  >sebastian junger  >team yankee coyle  >tom clancy ebola  >tom clancy the onion

“Dale Brown satanism”? “Tom Clancy Ebola”? Are they casting bad-luck spell on techno-thriller authors nowadays?

>bernard lenteric (x2)  >bernard lenteric la nuit des enfants rois  >la nuit des enfants rois : bernard lenteric  >la nuit des enfants rois personnages  >la nuit des enfants rois resume  >résumé de la nuit des enfants rois de bernard  lenteric  >résumé du livre la nuit des enfants rois de  bernard lenteric

See last month’s report for an explanation of Lenteric’s popularity.

>charles palahniuk (x3)  >chuck palahniuk's ending to survivor  >survivor/chuck palahniuk  >consumerism quotes fight club

Woo-hoo! My main man Chuck!

>forrest evers author  >holden scott similar

Author! Author? This is facinating: While doing research on these queries, I discovered that Bob Judd, author of a series of racing thrillers starring a protagonist named “Forrest Evers”, is now publishing novels under that pen name. Furthermore, Holden Scott (whose Skeptic I reviewed on this site) is actually a pseudonym for an author name Ben Mezrich, whose debut novel, Threshold, I had also reviewed without making the association.


3.5 Other documents on this site

>celebrity clothing outlet store nyc  >new york city subway entrance pictures  >new york stock exchange floor photograph  >new york sucks  >new york trip blog  >pizza new york financial district  >grand central station photo rush hour  >inside pictures of the cathedral of saint john  the divine   >strands book store in nyc

I’ve been to New York, oh yeah…

>stomach shrinkage (x5)  >calories-tables  >dumped overweight  >losing the flab after losing the weight  >losing weight in five weeks  >the truth about walking can you walk yourself  thin

I should have known: Tell the world how to lose weight, and naturally everyone‘s interested.

>lovin spoonful summer in the city mp3 (x2)  >propellerheads theme take california  >summer in the city lovin spoonful mp3

The power of music… and an MP3 compilation.


3.6 Geographically Significant

>bytown cinemas  >galaxy cinemas concession stand prices  >jobs at the big screen cinema located in  mayfair mall  >movie prices matinee  >ottawa movie tickets weekend matinee  >silvercity gloucester movie schedule

Let’s go to the movies!

>copeland corel (x2)  >corel mike copeland  >delphi montreal job  >limos ottawa  >montreal river bought by mcmichaels  >ottawa and authors  >recherche sur l'hotel comfort inn ottawa  >remise de prix concours trophe montreal

Local stuff I should know… Maybe.


3.7 What the heck? / Why me?

>frontpage 2002 crack (x5)  >crack frontpage 2002 (x3)  >paparazzi debate (x2)  >paradox big book 2002 (x2)  >a decade of masterpiece theater  >best writings by authors describing the word  class elegance  >burglar socks gag  >buy fake historical markers  >cats versus dogs essay  >coca cola and shiny coin experiment  >collection of prose stories about kid problems  or paranoia  >comics political ozone depletion   >criticisms on thank you maam  >critique romans harlequins  >cyberpunk club clothing fashion  >description of stereotypical victorian hero  >duration of shock breakout supernova  >essay on how to play a baseketball game  >ex scientologists  >farmhouse decoration  >fireplace realisation execution  >freaky friday book reviews  >government us army game shoot-em-up recruit  >graphical depiction of atlantis  >humor in going the extra mile comic strip  pictures  >iraq fads  >jokes inspect her gadget  >lorenzo oil sink model picture  >merc school  >michael jackson history tour divx  >movies star affected by liposuction  >mulroney scandals  >nanocomic  >nanotech buzzwords  >pants fall off  >pictures of extreme rollerbladers  >pictures of normandy's fish  >porn movie titles satires  >pythagora eccentric  >s.f ville robotique vivante  >set design casual pictures  >smoke meat   >sounds laugh of horror  >spacesuit women  >spice girls fakes  >steampunk helicopter  >stereotypes russian bear vodka  >stuff bears made in avon england  >there is no clear climax  >titanic alternate history fiction  >top ten reggea fest  >videogame heroine  >way of the samurai "american version" cheat  codes  >what jester sounds like from puppet master

Go figure why people should come to my site for these things.


3.8 That’s Just Sick

>fat porn movies gratuitous   >free breast inflating movies   >german nudist   >hollywood nymphomania   >policewoman bondage   >sexual slavery spank   >teen movie unedited anal exploited

I mean… eww… get help, dudes.

>brunette glasses nude

But then again, some people’s fantasies… happen to be mine too!


3.9 Odd queries we’re oddly proud of

>pointless slaving at a dead-end job

That’s right. Put “pointless slaving at a dead-end job” in google, and the very first hit you’ll get is to my web site. I’m so proud.

>free essay on pepsi

It shocks me that there could be such a thing as a not-free essay on Pepsi.

>hilariously bad fantasy art and stories

Notice that we’re not simply talking about bad fantasy art and stories, but hilariously bad fantasy art and stories!

>information on satiric acid

“Satiric acid”. I love it. I will steal this expression someday.

>artificial intelligence vs. human intelligence  in espionage decisions

It’s fascinating what people will look for on the web. It’s even more fascinating so see that from to time, they’ll stop on my site.

>world fantasy convention 2001 (x2)

Have fun with my Convention report.

>carter catastrophe (x7)

This is interesting. The “Carter Catastrophe” is a creepy mathematic thought-experiment (positing the inevitable end of humanity) I first encountered in Stephen Baxter’s novel Manifold: Time. When I first tried getting more information on it on the web, I didn’t find all that much. Now, it appears as is I’m not the only one looking…

>are we in trouble now

Yes we are. Still, try to stay calm.


Until next time, my name is Christian Sauvé and I remain… constantly delighted!


July 2002

Web Referals

…and two surprises:

> kingsbury.htm: 2

A page on Kingsbury referring my review of his Courtship Rites. (Uh-oh; better revise all the typos!) as well as

> 2

…which is a page at an on-line bookstore trying to sell Dale Brown techno-thrillers to the public. That page contains a short bio of the author, a quick bibliography as well as a short list of links to the author’s official site, bookbrowser, HarperCollins, the Reno Gazette-Journal … and your own reviewer. But, ah-ha, not only is yours truly the only average chump with a review listed in such august company, but it’s the only annotated one!  The link actually reads “Christian Sauvé’s (brutal) review of Fatal Terrain“.  Granted, it’s one thing to write a negative review of a book.  It’s quite another so see yourself described as “brutal.”

So I’m quotably considered “brutal”. Oh, the embarrassment! You read here first. Or maybe second.


Reader comments!

Only one comment came through the web site’s “Contact” page this month, but it’s a whopper.  Judge for yourself (some spelling mistakes corrected):

Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted on Thursday, July 4, 2002 at 10:07:48

I would like to suggest to the writer… could that be you? Sorry, I lost focus (I might not actually care) back to my suggestion… maybe the out-come is never predictable does anyone ever really care? A story is a story, right? We are all never really sure what another human is thinking or do we? Some people babble just to entertain themselves in the company of mediocre company or bad actors. I did learn a lesson at the end of your long over-drawn inward battle that you seem to have played out in a crummy plot. Who has really ever liked sci-fi? Aren’t there aliens among us, observers, a mix of acquaintances, vendors, neighbours, curious passer-by’s and the unaware. See, I think maybe some people like the cover so much the book lets them down. Me on the other hand, I like to read the pages because I didn’t write it and it is easy to put down unless it totally stimulates me, teaches me, and has a thoughtful life enhancing author. (The cover usually ends up with diet-coke all over it) I am still waiting to find a book but now that I know where my past lies, I may look for a good one to read while I walk away from the ashes of the page I have just turned thanks to your crummy plot (I just happened to stumble upon blindly) See, it taught me that I am much more interesting than I think. Someone may have been trying to direct my life and I really never would have guessed that people might possibly want that much insight. I’ve never found someone worth that much time, until now… me! See I have been so busy trying to pick the good out of a bad dirty neighbourhood that I forgot I could very well be on Sesame Street and would have never viewed life in the positive light I was trying to give others. (I think I would make a good Elmo) Have you ever really seen Elmo’s house, I haven’t. I appreciate the character he is willing to share with me on the screen, see I wouldn’t be a good influence on him yet for now I will just learn from his blind cuteness and unconscious babble. And maybe start watching a little bit more, when the show comes on, though.

See I would not ever get cable unless I had to, the people around me have kept me entertained. The setting may change though. I do not like the messenger, I never have. And what a big one the writer is of this crummy plot. And to such a large audience. My messages comes at face value or what-ever I am willing to receive. I am not a taker unless I am surrounded by negative sources even then do I really want to take from that kind of vulture? No I would rather have my star shine amongst stars like I thought I was striving for, guess again, Miss Mary you had your head in the clouds. Oh I am writing to you I forgot. I was basking in the after-glow of what I thought was a love-affair I had once with a very unavailable cowboy. But then I don’t really like cowboys, or cons for that matter. I never really thought I was nice enough to become that involved with another human, I didn’t see it. I don’t think I allowed myself to I was too busy trying to patronise the negative and exasperating all of my positive that I am now blank. What a great place to be when you’ve picked the light you have with-in yourself to drive you. Especially when you know for certain that the bad are out there, you just don’t have to go looking they will find you. I would rather it not be my family, past acquaintances or on-lookers though. I told someone lately that there would be no more charity for me, but I think I have changed my mind. I will just re-direct it to smiling charitable faces starting with me I ever really realized how pretty I was until I took the mirror down. I may remain in a glass house like the “Truman” character you write about. The powers of attractio
n are much deeper than a “want” you have to fulfill, they come from within. The players will remain the same in any certain book but who reads books any more I have just discovered the internet. But like any witty, sensible, pretty, nice, loving person I will filter the messenger to the fullest. I spent a couple of days recently trying to figure out what was wrong with my life and realised I was surrounded by people who knew and didn’t tell me. That is where the plot is re-directed, towards the light this time though. I had a crash course in how powerful you can be just by being yourself. Hell it only took me a few days I’ve heard it took some others a few months. It is very hard to focus when you are being so focused upon. I will reflect on the props, and pawns I will just get paid for my charity and make sure it is a worth-while cause. I don’t like to see the strain on others when it is not available.

I have no hidden agendas, verbiage, set-ups. I will not scope-out the weakness of others for a dollar. I now have come full circle. I pave my own path, golden not because of what I want to be, but because of what others took from me, saw me as, idolized, wanted, needed, degraded. The power comes from with-in if it is good enough to give, now that I am aware that even snakes are attracted to the light. (if only for a brief moment) I just never want to nest with them, they will remain part of the food-chain. I will know longer remain a mouse, maybe turn into a flower or whatever the audience wants to view me as. I want from a mouse to a hamster, for me it was a quick lesson. For others, now that you have learned, laughed, cried… maybe you should seek out the pages because as I have just learned, does the cover matter? Time is worth a-lot more money and now that sex is fun (thanks to you-know-who) I don’t need to hide it, just open my field of vision. I don’t care what the purpose is I have been taught a lesson, my blindness won’t change I just now know Braille or sign-language and prefer to remain blind. The other side takes up way too much time. After getting paid for it, I now know it wasn’t quite worth it. Some talents shall remain a gift just not charity but whose to judge? The cover is a lesson in itself I am just let down quicker than most, I just need to not linger, the snakes are a lesson and they have a place on earth. I am glad I know they are there now so I don’t step on them when I frolic. I can now… you fixed my flaws for me. I can start to enjoy life, thanks for the props. Material things are much easier to give, I am glad I kept my heart this whole time and everyone else is patching there’s, maybe they could realise it could be bigger. Separate church and state, I am glad I don’t know how I can remain nice, and still make money!!! Who needs a social life when everyone creates it for you. The celebrity is picked by the people not the aliens. I will remain in the clouds, somewhere in the middle. I want for nothing it is all around me. I will now give what I get so others don’t prey. I will just be more aware of the food chain. And hope for heaven. And never get married just for a quick plot so I can live in someone else’s book. The big guy is who we see him as not what we want him to be . Our wants just need to be hidden if we know the power of our talents, smiles, and thoughtfulness can be a wrecking-ball in the path of the builder. I guess now I am the observer, aren’t you glad I didn’t find you interesting in the first place. I am nice too, my pity is kept with-in, I will not mix that with feelings anymore my face is much too pretty It’s even worth money!!!!!! I am sorry I can’t bottle it but maybe you should feed the chain on the web. I won’t though, that can remain my write-off as I have been other’s. Such a problem solver I am that I now know the problem isn’t worth solving. Peace-out or tune-in whichever you prefer. I like sesame-street myself he-man is much more dark huh, skeletor? We are who we project or are we? All I know really is everyone sells something I just didn’t know it was me! Lucrative for the watchers and directors, I don’t care to know them…

I personally think this is a small work of genius, on the order of Burroughs or Joycean stream-of-consciousness writing. If nothing else, this guy can get a job writing lyrics for Lo Fidelity Allstars, Chemical Brothers and other techno bands. (No, but seriously: “I was basking in the after-glow of what I thought was a love-affair I had once with a very unavailable cowboy.“? GENIUS!!) The IP address of the mailer (he put in his e-mail as “I don’t care”) was, which I tracked down to an American ISP called, and a user using IE6 on a Windows 2000. Most probably a drunk American celebrating the Fourth of July by hitting the bottle and then the web (the five quasi-identical messages suggest someone trying really hard to hit the “submit” button and not remembering if he’s done so). I did search for similar writing on the web and found nothing, though similar writings were seen on a site dedicated to crackpot writing. And they they say people won’t write… (snif!)

Other email received included someone asking me to scan a page of a book I’ve read years ago and send it to him. Uh-huh. No answer required on that one! It helps to assuage my guilty conscience that this was a library book, and hence some distance away from me at the moment…

One of the hazards of being a webmaster (with a publicly-accessible email address on the InterNIC whois database) is that every single low-life scum-pond spammer now feels entitled to mass-email me in order to sell me stuff.  Take, for instance, ditzy Kathy Phillips

From: (Kathy Phillips)
Subject: Broken link on

There appears to be a problem on this page: (yadda) When you click on your link to: (yadda) you get the error: 404 File not found

Oh, gee, thanks! …but then she screws it all up by adding

InternetSeer is the largest FREE web site monitoring company in the world, monitoring over 1.1 million web sites worldwide every hour. If you find this information helpful and would like to receive alerts as soon as we detect an error accessing your site, <link>here for instant signup</link>

Oh, shut up, Kathy.

If got better with a French-Language spam message from some ditz called “Mylene Martin”, representing a site I used to respect,, first telling me that I had a wonderful site (ooh, ah) but then suggesting that (wink-wink) I might consider “partnering” with them in order to allow them to sell even more books.  What? You think I should have been all warm and cuddly? Well, what didn’t help was that the message was sent in HTML-only, wasn’t even addressed to me in the “to” field ( a classic instance of mass-mailing spam) and, oh, concerned an European retailer. (There’s also the small quibble that this kind of marketing strategy crashed and burned two years ago.) Then they’ll be surprised when I never deal with again. Spammers; they don’t deserve any respect!



Search Queries Oddities

(This being the crowd-favourite section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various browsers to find

3.1 – Our Biggest Success Stories

>isbn amazon lookup   >isbn lookup (x26)  >isbn number lookup   >amazon isbn lookup  >bookmarklets amazon search

Once again, the Amazon Bookmarklet page fulfills a public need, though it’s been sinking in the Google rankings, down to sixth place from an all-time high of second whenever one entered “isbn lookup” in Google.

>free advance movie screening   >free movie giveaways (x2)  >free movie premiere tickets (x3)  >free movie preview ticket   >free movie preview tickets (x3)  >free m
ovie screening   >free movie screenings (x16)  >free movie screenings for critics   >free movie sneak preview   >free movie theatre tickets   >free movie ticket offers   >free movie tickets (x9)  >free movie tickets advance screenings of new  movies   >free movie tickets previews (x2)  >get free movie tickets (x2)  >how to get free movie tickets (x3)  >how to movie test screenings   >test audience tickets free  >sneak preview movie tickets (x3)  >advance movie screenings  >advance screenings arrive early

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but people are actually looking for ways to go to movies for free.  Try to stay calm as this information is entrusted to you.

>diet losing weight midriff stomach   >expanding gut (x2)  >stomach shrinkage (x3)  >jogging or walking which is more useful for  losing weight  >losing midriff fat   >losing weight around midriff

After months of relative obscurity, my essay on Losing Weight seems to be gaining in popularity. Go figure why *now*.


3.2 – My name is (what?)

>animated christian avatars  >blockbuster christian movies  >christian bride porn   >christian correspondant high school   >christian golden rules   >christian loose weight program (x3)  >christian moral dilemma about computer   >christian movie reviewer (x2)  >christian movie reviewers   >christian movie reviews of batman and robin (x2)  >christian movies black actors   >christian novels to read for enjoyment   >christiansummerwritings   >dungeons dragons christian comic book  >ghostwriters for famous christian books  >men in black christian reviews  >movie japanese christian author train sacrifice  love  >nasty christian girls  >overweight christian flash presentation  >regis christian scripts  >secular movies christian appreciation history

Once again, those kooky Christians are looking for *all* sort of things. Some of them quite unwholesome.

>who play christian from the movie clueless says “Justin Walker”

>sauve (x4) >christian sauve (x4)

Good.  People looked, people found.


3.3 – Local Issues

>106.1 the bear  >arbys ottawa (x2)  >cheap bandwidth web hosting in ottawa  >école l'escale rockland   >how much does it cost to catch a taxi from  downtown ottawa to kanata  >michael copeland children ottawa  >ottawa amateur porn movie shooting  >ottawa south keys movies price  >ross laver ottawa (x2)  >where to buy passport photo ottawa  >amateur porn in hull quebec

Some of these things I should know about. Some of these things I really don’t want to know about.


3.4 – The music, ah, the music!

>lovin spoonful summer in the city mp3 (x2)  >new york city boy mp3 (x2)  >new york state of mind mp3   >summer in the city - the lovin spoonful mp3   >summer in the city mp3 (x2)  >the lovin spoonful summer in the city mp3 (x2)

Once again, the word “MP3” acts as a lightning rod for all sorts of queries. Webmasters!  Put “MP3” on every single page!


3.5 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

>100 good movies   >best watergate movie   >blockbusters of 2000   >body switching movies   >b-series black humor movies   >essaypopcorn theatre  >hitwoman action movies   >mind switch movies   >office fake computer destruction movie  frustration   >the best crossover vampire film (x2)  >the most chilling vampire film   >top grossing comedy nineties

Quirky general areas of contemplation, wouldn’t you say?

>a picture of the sheep dog van in the movie  dumb and dumber   >baseketball cheerleaders pictures   >cecil b demented script   >classic the third man vienna nudity   >cruel intention deleted scene  >cyberstalking soundtrack  >devils advocate movie script   >digital or cgi or computer cameron proved  titanic   >dvd time machine pearce deleted scenes moon  >eight legged freaks international trailer  >film shes in love 2000 latino romeo juliet   >film trailer insider trading gambling traffic  lights   >godzilla 98 sequels what happened   >godzilla movie problems plot rip off   >how the movie shrek differs from traditional  fairy tales   >how to teach the film fahrenheit 451  >mst3k the chill factor   >pleasantville the movie conception of the ideal  family  >psychological effects of frightening films  starship troopers  >showgirls sequel video   >shriek if you know subtitles   >subliminal pictures event horizon   >very bad things racist asian   >young einstein cat pie

This is only a small sampling of explicit movie queries…


3.6 – New York!

>best view brooklyn fireworks   >bull new york city photograph wall street   >central park new york city mileage map running   >chinatown massages new york   >grand army plaza and fourth of july   >new york stock exchange photograph   >new york sucks   >pictures new york manhattan brooklyn bridge  skyline village subway good quality   >pictures of midtown manhattan skyline as seen  from queens

I’ve been to New York, wrote about it and for the record, it doesn’t suck.


3.7 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!

>amy smart nude clip   >angelina jolie high res scan   >boogie nights graham movie clip nude   >brad pitt freemason   >brittany murphy winona rider lesbian   >clip natasha lyonne clea duvall   >dean cain underwear pictures   >deborah kara unger nude   >fakes photos spice girls   >françoise yip biography   >françoise yip nude   >free nude roselyn sanchez   >hugh jackman fake nude photo  >isabelle cyr naked  >joanna pacula sexy  >kendra torgan  >leelee sobieski fake naked pictures   >lesbian actresses pacula   >naked tia carrere showdown in little tokyo   >original sins angelina jolie nude   >paul walker and ex girlfriends   >rachel ward nude scene  >robin tunney naked   >roselyn sanchez fake nude (x2)  >roselyn sanchez fake nude .com   >roselyn sanchez lingerie (x2)  >roselyn sanchez nude (x4)  >wesley snipes tatoo   >what day month and year was actor william defoe  born

Male, female, gay, straight or not, it makes no difference: If you’re famous, everyone wants to know more about you –and see you naked! What’s with my site and Roselyn Sanchez? And why would one explicitly look for fake pictures?


3.8 – Books. Ooh, boooks.

I have cut entirely the list of authors and books queried, but unsurprisingly enough, I tend to get a lot of hits for slightly more obscure authors, which makes sense if you consider that there might be thousands of sites on Stephen King, but only a dozen on writers like DJ Levien of Floyd Rudmin.


3.9 – Whaaat?

>3d max woman nude body mesh   >antigravity russia aircrafts   >biohazard tattoos bodybuilding   >civilizational collapse   >cultural significance of bletchley park  >faithful to thee in my fashion   >frontpage 2002 crack (x5)  >teen matchmaking for thirteen year olds   >urban legend monster truck   >witty one liners signature mail   >women who ignore their adulterous cheating  husband

Go ahead. Try to explain how these ended up being relevant to my site. Just try.


3.10 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>littlest nudist   >male bound cage military pictures gay   >people with web cameras having sex   >pictures of guys being fondled  >spacesuit female sex   >spice channel 1996 aliens movies


>amanda garrett sex

Bizarre.  Amanda Garrett is the fictional protagonist of a series of techno-thril
lers by James H. Cobb.  Is someone fantasizing…?  Oh, right, this is the web; I shouldn’t be surprised at anything.

> problem

I just want everyone to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with my hosting company Nothing at all.  They want me to say that.

>countdown clock powerpoint presentation  >twin towers powerpoint files

What’s with the PowerPoint fetish?

>deliberate reality  >intelligent hallucination

I like these expressions. I will use them one day.

>essay on my experience on a hijacked plane

Whoah.  Dude.

>first video played muchmusic (x2)

I queried about this, and they were gracious enough to answer the following:

From: muchmail]at[

The first video Much aired was on August 31, 1984 and featured Eubie Blake performing Snappy Songs, an early music-to-film synchronization short from the 1920s. Then we aired Rush “The Enemy Within.” Hope that helps!

>garbage strike humor

Uh. Huh. Funny stuff, garbage strikes.

>nike squeak  >saturn bad alternator

I’ve bought Nikes before and they started squeaking. The alternator of my Saturn once failed in mid-drive. I wrote about these things. I’m overjoyed to find that I’m not alone in my plight.

>quackzo >scriptitude

I actually made up these words. The first as a placeholder/synonym for an incompetent doctor (“Dr. Quackzo says complete emotional trauma is great for losing weight!”). I also made up “scriptitude” as a description of a writer’s attitude (“end-of-scriptitude”). I don’t feel so original now.

>supernatural book reviews (x2)

I *know* what the original visitors were looking for, but I can’t help but imagine what a “supernatural review” would be like. Clicking on a URL and seeing the book being roasted in mid-air? Projecting some of the reading goodness feeling caused by a really good novel?

>the actor who played the title role in the  1990 film cyrano de bergerac

Gerard Despardieux. C’Mon. Try harder.



August 2002

Reader Comments

Only one person wrote this month through the “Contact” page of the site, asking me if I could forward a message to a film director. Surprisingly enough, I could. What were the odds? Alas, it wasn’t Spielberg.

Search Queries Oddities

(This being the crowd-favourite section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various browsers to find

3.1 – Our Biggest Success Stories

>amazon bookmarklet (x2)  >isbn lookup (x32)  >isbn lookup amazon (x2)  >isbn book lookup  >bookmarklets amazon  >lookup isbn (x2)  >lookup isbn number (x2)  >web isbn lookup

Built it, put it online, and they will come!

>advance screenings movie >free movie tickets (x7)  >free movie screenings (x6)  >free movie screening tickets (x2)  >free tickets to movie previews  >free tickets movie premieres  >free movie test screenings  >free movie tickets california  >free movie preview tickets  >get tickets to film screenings free advance  >how to get free movie tickets  >how to get sneak preview movie tickets (x2)  >how to get tickets to sneak previews  >premiere movie tickets

I can’t believe people are looking for free movie tickets!  Who’d’a thunk?

>i'm dieting and exercising and not losing weight  >jogging morning losing weight  >losing 10 pounds in 20 days without any buying things  >losing 170 pounds  >losing stomach flab  >losing weight without buying  >stomach shrinkage (x2)  >walking and losing pounds testimony (x2)  >weight watching breakfasts

After months of relative obscurity, my essay on Losing Weight seems to be gaining in popularity. Go figure why *now*.


3.2 – My name is (what?)

>christian book reviews     (x8)  >christian humorous monologue  >christian web sites thoughts video  >christian testimony vampire  >christian biohazard signs

Why would a Christian biohazard sign be any different from a regular one? Oh, those wacky Christians!

>Christian Sauvé (x9)  >christian sauve (x2)  >christian (x2)  >sauve (x6)

Three Things:

  • Yay!
  • Why are so many people looking for me all of a sudden?
  • Was anyone actually *searching* for “christian”?


3.3 – Local Issues

>fight club ottawa  >orleans cineplex odeon  >ottawa porn movies  >rockland ontario  >smoke meat montreal  >stone dust rockland ontario

I’m not sure I can be considered an authority on any of those things.


3.4 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

abraxas movie birth     american history x tatoo artists     brainscan movie ending   2  cinematic qualities of vertigo     cube 1998 movie ending     easy rider christian perspective     fear of a black hat quotes   2  films with good cinematography     good films to rent     l.a. confidential homoerotic     my favourite movie wild things     pleasantville movie review christian perspective     the matrix film techniques christian references

A quick sampling of the type of queries used to get to my movie reviews. Is WILD THINGS one of your favorite movies too?

>brown color shyamalan signs  >coincidence movie mel gibson signs quotes  >m. night shyamalan ripoff  >mel gibson signs chance miracles chance coincidences  >movie reviews christian perspective signs  >signs movie reviews atheist perspective  >shyamalan tricks color symbolism unbreakable

Hmm. Do you suppose it’s a coincidence if M. Night Shyamalan’s SIGNS was released this month?


3.5 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!

actress kendra torgan     brad-pitt flatulence     brandon fraser biography     catherine zeta joness weight alone exactly     clea duvall lesbian kiss movie clip     denise richard strip     fran drescher porn fake     françoise yip nude    free nude roselyn sanchez     half-naked pictures of haley joel osment     hexed starring claudia christian naked pictures     hk female actresses undressed     j.k rowling freemason     jordana brewster nude   2  jordana brewster the faculty topless     kristen dunst enhanced nude pictures     kristen dunst fifteen and pregnant movie     naked halle berry swordfish     natalie portman fake porn     neve campbell porn video denise richards wild things     opinions on ben affleck and jennifer lopez love affair     patricia pearcy nude     paul walker nude free images     penelope cruz's haircut   2  phoebe cates first time nude topless     pictures drew barrymore in lederhosen     pictures of jack blacks cutest pictures     rah jessica parker nude     robin tunney supernova nudity pictures     salma despe
rado nude still     sarah silverman nude   2  zeta joness nude picture     zhang ziyi modeling in lingerie

Take your pick, male or female, gay or straight. The worst thing is that none of these names are actually misspelt.

current status on the relationship between vin diesel   and michelle rodriguez vin diesel biography ethnic     vin diesel interracial fan fiction     vin diesel is a dungeons dragons aficionado    2  vin diesel multicultural background

And the current zeitgeist is…

>roselyn sanchez nude     >roselyn sanchez nude naked photo picture     >roselyn sanchez photo nude     >roselyn sanchez topless     >sex roselyn sanchez nude

Oh, we have a tie!

>should private lives of celebrities be off limits

Coming after everything else in this section, this really cracked me up.


3.6 – Whaaat?

>black and white cheats to get the bonus animals

Hm.  Hmmm?

>amateur haley spy video night porn  >guy double target anime porn movies  >policewoman bondage  >porn movies made in canada  >robin hoods porn movie  >sex beauty nude girl free movies clip  >sunny wrestler lesbian  >the best glamorous nude movie scenes in 2000-2002  >thwack woman officer buttocks or buttock or ass  or bottom or backside or rump or...

It can’t be a month without porn-related queries.

>babe with glasses

Call me shallow, but this I rather like.


3.7 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>ad-hominem famous gratuitous insults  >punk rock groupie  >sarcastic dialogues  >to write a parody on a script (x2)

Despite what may actually appear as a widespread loathing of the type of queries used to get to my site, there are the occasional times where I can be proud that my site is seen as a reference for some queries. Here above are four of them.

>dr. john carter goes to rehab

I now know that this refers to ER, but I first read it as a reference to Edgar Rice Burroughs’s Mars series and completely cracked up.

>escapist christian groups

So how does that work? A group of prisoners meet to read the Bible, but secretly plan to escape instead?

>sauve hair care home page

Boy are they on the wrong site if they want hair care tips from me…

>what does scenery chomping mean

It means a Godzilla movie. No!  Wait!  That’s Scenery *stomping*!

>bodelicious and porn

Apparently, the word “bodelicious” isn’t as common as I thought. Google helpfully suggested “bootylicious”. Gee, thanks.



September 2002

Reader comments!

Busy, exciting, sometimes-scary month from the readers’ mailbag.

First shock: Three years ago, I wrote a review of a non-fiction book in which one science writer took another scientist to task for what the writer saw as egocentrism and less-than-optimal judgement from the scientist. Faithfully reporting the content of that passage of the book finally caught up with me this month, as I received an email from the scientist concerned, correcting the writer’s account and saying, in part, “…don’t believe everything you read.  Next time, reserve judgement until you’ve met and spoken to the individuals involved.” Ouch!  Well, that’ll teach me.  After consultation with the scientist, I put up a corrected version of my review (see link above), which -I believe- is the only place on the web where the assertions of the book are balanced by another point of view.

Second shock:

Web-surfing just now, I stumbled across your review of my book, “Snapshots From Hell.” What an immense pleasure to learn that the book connected with a reader as sweetly and completely as it did with you. Thanks for those very generous (and beautifully written) comments. Warmly, Peter Robinson

Third shock: I tend to assume that my web site is there for friends, family, students looking to steal book reviews (Ha!  Fools!  Thou shall be graded C+ at best!) and the hopelessly-lost porn-hunters.  So it was a bit of a shock to receive an unusually-detailed email from a like-minded reader who’d just discovered my site.  I was a bit surprised at the lead-in question mind you: Do you know your Jungian/MBTI/etc… type? If so, would you tell me? (For the record: No, I don’t know, but I suspect a tendency toward the intuitive/rational poles).  It’s nice to know that someone, somewhere, is reading.

I also had a few emails from friends giving me their new email addresses, acquaintances using my contact form to ask to be put on one of the mailing lists I’m managing and the usual test messages from myself to myself.  Oh, and a nasty message from my hosting provider telling me to upgrade my formmail script to a more secure version. (Yes, sir.  And thanks for reminding me!) All in all, a satisfying month showing pretty much exactly what I had envisioned from my .com web site. Ain’t applied technology grand?


Search Queries Oddities

(This being the crowd-favourite section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various browsers to find

3.1 – Our Biggest Success Stories

Hm.  Let me guess: stuff about my Amazon ISBN lookup bookmarklets and free movie screening, right?

>amazon isbn lookup >isbn lookup (x29) >isbn lookup code >lookup isbn >lookup isbn number (x2) >bookmarklet amazon (x2) >free movie screenings (x8) >free movie tickets (x4) >free sneak preview movie tickets >free tickets for movie theatre >how to get advance movie screening >how to get free movie tickets >i want free tickets to see sneak previews to the movies >movie advance screenings >new movie contest preview ottawa

Hm.  No surprises there.


3.2 – My name is (what?)

Yep, the usual Christian stuff:

>christian book critic (x2) >christian book editing >christian book reviewers >christian book reviews (x3) >christian dieting (x3) >christian flesh losing weight >christian heil >christian movie reviews (x2) >christian movie reviews 1995 >christian reviews of the movie glory 1989 >christian t-shirt >cryogenics- the christian perspective >naturally thin eating more christian

Now, can anyone tell me how -exactly- Christian dieting would be in any way special or even different from non-Christian dieting?  (Or how one can be naturally thin eating more Christians? Didn’t work for the Roman lions.) Gaah. My perspective on cryogenics is that it should be mandatory for everyone who’s looking for Christian-specific dieting information.

>christian sauve (x3) >sauve (x6) >sauv&
eacute; (x3) > (x3)

Lest I grow too cocky, I pulled numbers for the last six months of, and it turns out that “gary taubes” (a controversial science writer whose Nobel Dreams I review elsewhere on the site) was a more popular search query than “christian sauve”.  Whaaa?  Should I just change this site to  What is wrong with you people?

>the song of sauve

No comments.  At all.


3.3 – Local Issues

>ottawa citizen movie reviews >ottawa porn links >ottawa theaters >second hand bookstore ottawa graphic novel

Nothing interesting to see here.  Moving along…


3.4 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

>100 good movies

You ask, you get.

>1201 groundhog day silverman

Interesting.  So someone else figured out that GROUNDHOG DAY and 12:01 (starring Jonathan Silverman) do resemble each other a lot.

>abre los ojos ending spoiler

Someone opens their eyes.  That’s the spoiler.  No kidding.

>asterix et cleopatre subtitle >asterix et obelix_ mission cleopatre trailer >asterix mission cleopatre subtitle >asterix obelix mission cleopatre subtitle >astérix mission cloptre easter >mission cleopatre subtitle >review of asterix and obelix mission cleopatre

Well look at that: I’m bringing pop French culture to the English-reading masses!


3.5 – New York!

>new york sucks

No!  It doesn’t!

liberty state park silver guy robot

Eerie! We did see a “silver guy robot” last time we were at Liberty state park, but I could have sworn he’d have died of heat exhaustion by now.


3.6 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!

Let’s rake the web logs for a sampling of America’s current celebrity pervertions:

catherine bruhier naked (x2) halley berry sex scene lauren holly down periscope cleavage roselyn sanchez nude fake (x2) roselyn sanchez nude photo tia carrere porn films undressed hong kong actress

Yadda… Roselyn still rocks the vote…

badly naked and only naked hot pictures of sandra bullock

Yes… when “naked pictures of Sandra Bullock” aren’t enough… you need “Badly naked and only naked” pictures of her.  If only I’d be desperate enough, I guess it would make sense to me…

cameron diaz nude and naked in the movie the mask

Again: It’s not enough for her to be nuke OR naked: she has to be both at the same time!  Porn-hunters are ever-demanding!

emma hayek stripper scene

“Emma Hayek”?  Surely you mean the divine Salma Hayek, you heathen!

emma watson fake nude emma watson girl naked robin tunney naked robin tunney nude scenes in supernova

Is someone actually looking for naked pictures of Emma Watson or Robin Tunney? What is wrong with today’s perverts? Can’t you at least pick someone you’d *want* to see naked?

pictures of vin diesel fully exposed vain diesel actor photos vin diesel interview michelle rodriguez relationship

Lest anyone thinks only heterosexual males are scouring the web for celeb stuff…  I must admit that I’m rather amused by “Vain Diesel”, though…


3.7 – The Perv-a-tron!

adult hypno forced sex video butt kicking babes images cheapest prices for classic porn movies anywhere cia and hot chicks electrocution snuff movies excellent vampire film with nudity (x3) nudist job opening sex commandoes

Sick.  But also intriguing:  Who would consciously associate the CIA with hot chicks? What about non-excellent vampire films with nudity? I’m not sure I want to know about nudist job openings, though.


3.8 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>mowing the lawn in the 1900s >super heroes that become bitter when they  lose their popularity

Kids search for the darndest things nowadays.

aircraft carrier nimitz blueprint

Hey, Rocky!  Watch me pull the complete blueprints of the USS Nimitz out of my web site!

billys balloon film clip

Oh!  Oh!  If ever someone find that, let me know!  That animated short is just hilarious!

buzz aldrin punch conspiracy theorist

Sounds like a conspiration theory itself.  Or maybe just an urban legend.

gender alien colonization sci-fi novel


hairdressing stunts

“…and for his next stunt, the grand Herdresso will attempt a beehive hairdo above the churning waters of Niagara falls!  Stay tuned!”

mathematical scandals book report

“I have proven that 1+1=3!”
“Modern math is a sham!”

monster truck disasters videos

“…it appears to have run out of gas”
“Oh, the DISASTER!”
“But otherwise it would be stomping Manhattan flat!”
“Oh, the TRAGEDY!”

science fiction is dying

An interesting query in a month where I was busy pulling together a massive research paper dealing, in part, with the very same subject.  Hmm… Could I have searched my own site?  Why wouldn’t I remember it? Is it wise to ask myself more questions about this?


October 2002

Reader comments!

Busy, exciting, sometimes-scary feedback from the readers’ mailbag.


1. (Name Deleted) asked:

Hi there, I know that you can answer my very important question regarding the novel of Kathy Reichs’s DEJA DEAD but what I like to ask you is the meaning of its tittle.

Why did Kathy choose DEJA DEAD to be the tittle of her novel?

I wish to hear from you immediately. Thanks for the time.

Thrilling real-life reader feedback!  …sigh…  I answered some kind of obvious platitude about using French expressions that are well-known to English readers.  Next up:


2. Another correspondent simply gave his email address, without anything else. I’d rather let that slide that risk exchanging with someone who can’t even master simple feedback boxes. I fact, you could argue that I have more respect for someone who would flame me anonymously: At least that’s effective communication.


3. A student from UWF (alias “Creasia”) writes in:

You are right, against all odds i’ve discovered this website. Was searching randomly for thoughts on Atlas Shrugged. Sure liked yours, i’d say a good attempt at such a review. Laughable, but worth the read. Love it; I would certainly agree. Thanks, i needed that, i’m at those 50 pages of John Galt radio god. This review and a review from somewhere of the archives of USA Today… they said second most influential book ever. Hmmm… Now I just might be a fan, may have to look over your other reviews.

What makes me smile every time is “a good attempt at such a review. Laughable, but worth the read” A misplaced colon here would be so damaging to my ego…

I replied my usual gracious thanks, adding something about Atlas Shrugged as the “second most influential book ever”:  Someone has obviously heard of The Bible (which, I presume, ranks first), but what about such trifles as The Koran, Marx’s Das Kapital, Hitler’s Mein Khampf and Mao’s Little Red Book?


4. I got welcome news from an ex-colleague, who found me through the web and added (after greetings that would be too embarassing to share here):

(…) Can you suggest some good sci-fi stuff that chick’s would like to read? looking for a bookclub book – wondered about the mists of avalon (they have already done Lord of the rings and dune at some point) (…)

We had a good chat on the phone. I ended up recommending some Connie Willis as Book Club material.


4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the crowd-favourite section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various browsers to find

4.1 – Top ten queries

Let’s take a look at the top ten search queries used to stumble upon my site:

>free movie screenings   47 >free movie tickets   21 >isbn lookup   13 >how to get free movie tickets   7 >patricia pearcy nude   5 >advance movie screenings   4 >christian book reviews   4 >christian movie reviews   4 >Christian Sauvé   4 >free movie screening   4

Hm. Bleh. At least my name’s in there.


4.2 – My name is (what?)

Yep, the usual Christian stuff:

>christian >christian 3d hidden pictures >christian biographical information >christian blog hosting >christian fiction book reviews >christian grease can >christian movie reviews and robin hood >christian movie reviews from 1995 >christian movie reviews on batman returns >christian non fiction book reviews >christian reviews of literature dracula >christian reviews of the talisman (x2) >christian right against lingerie >christian sauve (x2) >christian scripts >christian snapshots from hell peter robinson >christian store in time square new york >christian opinion on space exploration (x2) >hardcore christian book company >who want to buy my christian movie script

Oh, those wacky Christians… What is, exactly, a “hardcore christi
an book”? Does it somehow involve catholic schoolgirls? What how does a “christian grease can” fit in all of this? Is the Christian Right truly against lingerie?


4.3 – Local Issues

>lose weight ottawa 2 >orleans cineplex odeon 1  >ottawa multiplex sucks 1 >theater ottawa movie   1 >world exchange cineplex odeon 1 >rideau center cinema 2

Hey, Ottawa-are theater owners!  For a low, low fee (say, a yearly pass), I *will* shamelessly plug your establishment to at least a visitor a month!


4.4 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

>advance movie showings free >advance preview movie tickets >advance screenings (x2) >free advance screenings >free movie premiere tickets (x2) >free movie screening tickets (x3) >free movie theatre screenings >free movie tickets previews (x2) >free private movie screenings >free tickets to movie premieres (x2) >free movie screenings (x3) >free movie tickets (x3) >how to get into free movie screenings >how to get movie screenings >how to get sneak preview movie tickets (x3) >how to get tickets to free movie previews screening >how to get free movie tickets (x2) >movie reviews free tickets >movie test screenings (x3) >sneak preview movie tickets (x2) >preview movie tickets

Wow. Looks like people do want free stuff after all.


4.5 – New York!

>new york sucks (x3)

No!  It doesn’t! Stop it!

>new york chinatown massages >new york city boy mp3 pet shop boys >new york commerce in 1700s pictures >pizza near 42nd street in new york city >raekwon live from new york.mp3


4.6 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!

Let’s rake the web logs for a sampling of America’s current celebrity fascinations:

>does michelle rodriguez have any nude poses or scenes >fran drescher boring sunday mix >françoise yip nude (x2) >free thora birch topless video >gwyneth paltrow and jennifer lopez's dislike  for one another  >heather graham - deleted nude scene from boogie nights >leelee sobieski nude fake -enter -login -member >leelee sobieski swimsuit >lesbian joanna pacula >lisa bonet interview 2002 >movies featuring roselyn sanchez naked >peet whole yard nude >penelope ann miller nude roles >robin tunney naked >roselyn sanchez naked nude topless >shannyn sossamon hairstyle (x2) >teri garr nude scene (x2) >zhang ziyi nude fake

Eh… same old, same old…

>jet li nude >peter facinelli nude

Guys too, obviously…


4.7 – The Perv-a-tron!

>mutating nude chicks

I’m intrigued. Somehow.

>movie containing word babelicious (x2) >origin of the word babelicious

Why am I suddenly an authority of babeliciousness, all of a sudden? Have I missed something?


4.8 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>what is the name of the 1995 film in which ed norton  plays a schizophrenic killer

PRIMAL FEAR. And it’s a 1996 film. C’mon, try harder.

>a cartoon picture of claustrophobic groundhog

There are times where I regret not being much of an artist.  This isn’t really one of them, even though I might be interested by the results.

>burger king neuralyser

Maybe it’s the only way to forget how bad their stuff is?

>essay on why we crave movies

Decades of rampant commercialism and careful manipulation of generations of teenagers have transformed most of us in hordes of gibbering cine-zombies going “Movies!  Must… see… movies!” ?

Just a thought.

>essay why people should be careful about the  friend they keep

Abstract: Because statistics show that we’re most likely to be murdered by acquaintances than perfect stranger.

>fight club electric bugaloo sequel

For the second month in a row, this officially cracks me up.

>most powerful telepath mind ever

…and you hope to uncover it by searching the web.  It already knows you’re looking for it, you CIA fools! Just think about it!

>paying for holidays then getting dumped

Whoah. That’s cold. But maybe justified; you never know. Hey, maybe you’re that guy that my friend was trying to get rid of…

Until next time, my name is Christian Sauvé and I remain… mystified.



November 2002

Reader comments!

Busy, exciting, sometimes-scary month from the readers’ mailbag.


1. Canadian author Diane Mason Baker writes in:

I wanted to thank you for your generous and well-thought-out review of my novelization of the film Men With Brooms. I tried very hard to accomplish some of the things you mentioned – for instance, the “smoothing-out” – and was frankly thrilled to see that you felt it had worked. (…) Do I have permission to link to your review on my website?

By the way, don’t forget to read my “real” book – Last Summer At Barebones – which has just come out in mass market paperback. Thanks again for making my day.

I replied and gave permission for the link. After such nice words (which made *my* day), I’m nearly certain to pick up Last Summer At Barebones soon.


2. A “Bruber” asks:

so, Mr. Suave Why The name Bruber? That so happens to be my last name.

and added in a second message

Oh, and by the way Yuri did you ever start going to the gym?

Since I couldn’t make any sense out of the second question, I answered the first (It was a take-off on a colleague’s name that I used in one of my online screenplays; I truly believed that I was making up the name at the time) and ignored the rest. Should have, because a few days later, I got:

so you didnt reply to my second question…

To which I was forced to admit that I didn’t have any clue what it was all about, my life being conspicuously absent of any Yuris or gyms.

This must have been a satisfying answer: I didn’t get anything back after that.


4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the crowd-favourite section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various browsers to find


4.1 – Top ten queries

Let’s take a look at the top ten search queries used to stumble upon my site:

>free movie screenings: 19 >isbn lookup: 15 >solaris movie explanation: 11 >free movie tickets: 9 >sauve: 9 >free movie premiere tickets: 7 >that bringas woman: 6 >kendra torgan: 5 >advance movie screenings: 4 >stomach shrinkage: 3

Hm. Bleh. Hey, where’s my name?

Shamelessly acting upon the hits for an explanation to the movie SOLARIS (11 in three days!), I quickly whipped up a quick guide to the film.


4.2 – My name is (what?)

Yep, the usual Christian stuff:

>christian book reviews (x2) >christian book reviews soul winner >christian dramas no excuses >christian horseman >christian losing weight >christian movie critics (x3) >christian movie reviewer >christian movie reviews crossroads >christian redesign >christian sauve >christian acronyms

Oh, those wacky Christians… I do agree that there’s not excuse for christian drama.


4.3 – Local Issues

>cineplex ottawa south keys theater >ottawa odeon theatre world exchange >ottawa visual effects >rideau center ottawa movies famous players >world exchange cineplex odeon

Hey, Ottawa-are theater owners!  For a low, low fee (say, a yearly pass), I *will* shamelessly plug your establishment to at least a visitor a month!


4.4 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

>movie advance screenings >movie before 1970 >movie clip of halle berry nude scene with billy bob thornton >movie lines from the 1980s >movie premieres tickets >movie preview tickets (x2) >movie reviews 2002 >movie reviews christian >movie reviews one flew over the cuckoos nest >movie reviews outbreak christian >movie studios offering movie screenings >movie the crimson rivers explained >movie the fifth element relate scenes to physics (x2) >movie ticket giveaways >movies essay (x2)

Wow. Looks like people do want free stuff after all.

>two's a mob 1998

Interesting, given that I’m one of the few to have seen (let alone reviewed) this little-known Ottawa-area 1998 comedy.


4.5 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!

Let’s rake the web logs for a sampling of America’s current celebrity perversions:

>amanda peet naked in the whole nine yard >amelie poulin topless actors >amy smart topless clip >emma watson adult harry nude >emma watson fake nude (x2) >emma watson nude extras topless >fran drescher fake (x3) >gwynneth paltrow naked shots >gwynneth paltrow nude great expectations >halley barrys
hairstyle >halley berry and wesley snipes >halley berrys porn >hermione emma watson naked photo >isabelle cyr >janeanne garofalo the rules >kendra torgan fan >kylie minogues role as cammy >penelope cruzs haircut >roselyn sanchez fake nude >roselyn sanchez index january >teri garr nude scene >whoppie goldberg fan club

Those Emma Watson (“Hermione”, HARRY POTTER) queries are just sick. Well, that “Whoopie Goldberg” one too.

>amy smart denise richards screen shots in starship troopers >jennifer connelly in mullholland drive

Dear Pervs: at least make sure the actress you’re searching for was in the movie you’re looking for.


4.6 – The Perv-a-tron!

>lesbian elopement

Yes, who wouldn’t?


4.7 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>mirage gold nuclear exercise

Now this is interesting: As described in the book One Point Safe, “Mirage Gold” was a 199x anti-terrorism exercise that went hideously wrong.  There isn’t all that much information available on it on the Internet, and I’m still a bit curious to learn what exactly happened then.

>janeway is so fat jokes

I suddenly get a frightening glimpse into post-DS9 Trek culture.

>thomas edison favourite food

Hm? People search for the darndest things…

>geocities refugee

Yes, though most of us actually wanted to get away from Geocities.



December 2002


Aside from the usual sources of referrals (sites I’m updating, remnants of my previous sites and friends), here are two new mentions of

  • I have always said that librarians are cool. Now that has mentioned me and my Amazon bookmarklets, I now think they’re even cooler.
  • A lovely link from Lee Silver’s personal/professional site at eden_reviews.htm, to my review of his book Remaking Eden.

Reader comments!

It was an interesting, dumb and puzzling month from the readers’ mailbag.

1. A friend writes to ask, in part:

…n’ayant pas de dictionnaire anglais-français, c’est quoi des turnips?

Turnips are navets.  Navets are turnips.  But the real question is; are they evil?

2. It could have been an amusing comment on my deficient editing skills, but it turned out to be a particularly annoying spam sent through my own contact page: (I have rubbed out the particulars of the contact information)

Traduction technique du français vers l’anglais et de l’anglais vers le français.

Technical translation from English into French and French into English.

Brian Mxxxx
B. x. International
7xxx, rue Lacoxxxxx
Montréal Qc Hxx 1xx
(514) 251-2xxx – (514) 251-8xxx

Well guess what, Brian M…?  You get my coveted “Spammer Moron Award of the Month”.  Be proud of it, because that’s the only one you’ll get from me. Next time I’m in Montreal, I’ll make sure to drop by your place and pitch my web design services even as you start opening the door.

3. Ooh; I really liked that one.  An anonymous coward wrote in to say:

Are you on crack? You have the best movies all over the place, not to mention having some of the very worst at the top.

I assume that this refers to one of my yearly movie retrospectives, which do express opinions about films that may not be identical to other people’s feelings about particular motion pictures.  (1999 would be a good example, as I was unimpressed by the Oscar-winning AMERICAN BEAUTY and THE INSIDER, but gave good marks to fun stuff like THE MUMMY and DEEP BLUE SEA)

Well, I shall consider “Are you on crack?” to be a badge of distinction. Especially from someone who can’t be bothered to give even an alias.

4. I like to play reference librarian from time to time.  A “Terry” asked:

Can you help me locate titles of Womens Magazines of the 1900-1930s?

As it turns out, study of golden-age Women’s Magazines are a really hot topic in feminist study groups. There’s even a book on the subject, whose reference I sent to “Terry” but can’t be bothered to track down at the moment.

5. This is a good one:  I mentioned in my review of The Princess Bride that I’d picked up a mint edition at a second-hand sale. Alas, a reader assumed that it was a mint First Edition (exceedingly rare and expensive these days) and wrote in to ask

I noticed that you said you picked up a copy of the Princess Bride. Is it by any chance a first edition? I am looking for one for my wife – and found your site/review via google. If its a first edition, would you be willing to sell it?

Alas, I quickly disabused my correspondent of that notion, and directed him to Everyone was happy.

6. An enigmatic reader (let’s call him Mario L.) wrote in about my “Free Movie” essay, leaving his name and email address but no message. A query asking for a clarification went unanswered. Go figure!

4. Search Queries Oddities

(This being the crowd-favourite section in which we take a look at the search engine queries used by various browsers to find

4.1 – Top ten queries

Let’s take a look at the top ten search queries used to stumble upon my site:

>free movie tickets   20 >free movie screenings           15 >solaris movie explanation       11 >sauve     6 >biodome movie        6 >amazon isbn          5 >how to become a movie reviewer  4 >isbn lookup          4 >that bringas woman   4 >stomach shrinkage    4

Same old, same old…

4.2 – My name is (what?)

Yep, the usual Christian stuff:

>christian action league movie reviews >christian book reviews   2 >christian dieting >christian films of the seventies >christian nude dude on raw >christian online movies >christian passive aggressive >christian fads >wwf superstar christian acti
on figures

Oh, those wacky Christians… Are Wrestling and Christianity allowed to be discussed together?

>short christian thoughts

That’s when your religion doesn’t allow you to have any longer ones.

4.3 – Local Issues

>ottawa movie tickets   2 >famous player movies ottawa >winter exercise walking ottawa

Bleh.  Movies.  Walking. It’s January: Pick one.

4.4 – Let’s all go to the Movies!

>solaris book compared to movie >solaris explanation (x2) >solaris explanation movie (x2) >solaris french reviews >solaris review explanation >solaris review explanation movie >solaris reviews and explanation >solaris spoiler plot ending >explanation movie solaris >explanation of solaris >explanation of solaris movie (x2) >movie solaris explanation (x3) >plot explanation of the movie solaris >review christian solaris

Hot hot hot: Solaris, the movie! One wild guess: It’s a hard film to understand?

4.5 – Everybody was cyber-stalking!

Let’s rake the web logs for a sampling of America’s current celebrity perversions:

>amanda peet the whole nine yard nude >asian fetish ming-na >book on shu qi >emma watson fake nude >erika eleniak nude scenes in 1992 film under siege >françoise yip nude (x2) >halley berry naked (x2) >halley berry swordfish (x3) >isabelle cyr pictures >jennifer connelly waking the dead nude >jim carrey kate beckinsale american neurotic. >lauren holly picture down periscope >roselyn sanchez naked    >roselyn sanchez nude (x2)

Apart from the Emma Watson stuff, I can agree with the rest of it.

>what was kari wuhrer thinking when she starred  in 8 legged freaks

Oh, how about “Money!”?

4.6 – The Perv-a-tron!

>babe with glasses


>babe sex powerpoint presentation

I can think about “babe sex”. I can think about “PowerPoint Presentation”. I just can’t imagine the two having any business together.

4.7 – Strange, disturbing and wondrous…

>chainsaw divorce

That’s when “dividing possessions in two” goes too far.

judith reeves stevens control freak
>submariners humour

The joke about the screen door *never* fails.

>the sad societies of trekkies

They’re not a “sad subculture” anymore: Now they make up a full society.

>what is a surrealistic essay

One that you don’t remember writing…

>worst book reviews of 2001

Oh, is the right place indeed for the worst book reviews of the year!

Until next time, my name is Christian Sauvé and I remain… available for parties.