Locked Down (2021)
(On Cable TV, January 2021) …and there it is. Stop the clock! Nine months, almost to the day, after the official March 13, 2020, start to the COVID-19 pandemic lockdown, here is the first movie about it, featuring known filmmakers such as screenwriter Steven Knight and director Doug Liman, likable big-name stars such as Anne Hathaway and Chiwetel Ejiofor, accompanied by big name supporting players such as Stephen Merchant, Mindy Kaling, Mark Gatiss, Ben Stiller, and Ben Kingsley. As befit the topic and historical/production circumstances, some of the actors in Locked Down are only seen via screens: the main plot starts with an examination of life in lockdown, followed by a crazy heist taking place deep inside London’s Harrods store. You can see that there are two movies duelling for attention here: A romantic comedy about a disintegrating couple stuck together in the worst of circumstances, and a caper film taking advantage of extraordinary circumstances for comedy and suspense. One of those movies is clearly better than the other. At first, Locked Down charms: playing on an unexpected set of universally recognizable experiences, it features two highly sympathetic actors going through tough video conferences, bemoaning their inability to go anywhere, and going a bit crazy due to cabin fever. Hathaway with her hair down is simply gorgeous in business top and pajama bottoms (despite a role first meant to be off-putting), while Ejiofor is blessed with the kind of florid dialogue that escapes reality to embrace movie magic. Locked Down could have been better had it focused on their disintegrating marriage and the tangent-filled nature of their dialogue… because most of my lingering problems with the film have to do with the somewhat more plot-heavy second half of the film, as the pair comes up with a plan to steal a precious diamond from the vaults of Harrods. The shift into caper film isn’t so smooth, largely (I suspect) because of the film’s breakneck production schedule: there simply wasn’t enough time or (literal) space to smooth out the film’s intentionally low production values and dubious plot mechanics. The film is quick and slapdash in how it moves its plot pieces around even when it complicates life for itself. (There’s an entire subplot that could have been sidestepped by the protagonist going around saying, “My parents had a weird sense of humour.”) The result is a last third that gets increasingly ludicrous, and while Harrods makes for a wonderfully original backdrop for a caper sequence, the sequence itself has none of the taut ingenuity that similar films (including, ahem, Hathaway’s own Ocean’s Seven) could feature. Oh, I still liked the result well enough, and the circumstances of Locked Down’s production are nothing short of historic. We’ll be pointing at this film for years as having one of the wildest making-of, from idea to broadcast in seven months—to the point of its premiere pre-empting already-scheduled programming on Canadian Cable channel Crave at a few days’ notice. But the result, while quite likable at times, does come with a few vexing scenes and plot points that won’t make future viewers any more sympathetic to the film. But then again—these are craaazy times, says Locked Down, and it’s perfectly understandable if its characters are not behaving rationally.