Glen Morgan

(On TV, February 2021) I’m clearly a sucker for punishment, considering that I sat down to watch a third version of Black Christmas despite disliking the two others I’ve seen. But having seen the 1974 and the 2019 version, I couldn’t pass the challenge to complete the set and see the 2006 version for myself. I steered myself for a terrible 2000s teen horror slasher and to the film’s credit that’s exactly what I got. Once again, the cute members of a sorority are stuck in their house over Christmas, with a killer making the rounds and taking them out one by one. There are a few known names in the cast: Michelle Trachtenberg, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Lacey Chabert and even Andrea Martin in a callback to the original. Surprisingly, despite my obvious loathing for all three slasher films, this is probably my least loathed one. Unlike the 1974 version, it sports slicker cinematography and a definitive (if lame) explanation of why the killer kills. Unlike the 2019 remake, it goes light on the screeching holier-than-thou messaging that makes a mess out of the film’s moral stance. Instead, it’s a straightforward gory slasher film, exactly what it says on the tin. Writer-director Glen Morgan has a disgusting fascination for dismembered eyeballs (so… many… eyeballs…) and clearly apes better movies in the amount of gore and nihilistic kills, but his film is fundamentally stylish and honest about itself, which almost makes it refreshing compared to the deficiencies and excesses of its brethren. Don’t be fooled: this Black Christmas is still a terrible use of your free time, and won’t change anyone’s opinion if they think that slashers are a blight upon the world that should be erased as thoroughly as possible. But, you know, there’s a difference between a two out of ten and a three out of ten, and it’s only by such a tiny measure that this 2006 version wins by a nose.