Josh Boone

(Disney Streaming, August 2021) Cinephiles waited more than two years to see The New Mutants — the delay between its initial release date (April 2018) and the time at which it finally ambled in theatres (August 2020). The wait was not worth it, something that nearly everyone expected, considering the lacklustre trailers, plans for extensive reshoots (which, worse of all, never took place), major corporate changes when Disney bought 20^th Century Fox, and an ongoing pandemic sharply decreasing the attraction of any movie making it to big screens. For anyone outside the film’s teenage audience, the problem starts with the premise: What if we took the X-Men franchise, but sucked out all of the fun, iconic protagonists, affirmed themes or action scenes and replaced with teenage angst, paranoid plotting and unlikable characters? Putting X-Men in the typical Young Adult plotting blender maybe could have worked in better hands, but writer-director Josh Boone (despite promising credentials) is not one of them: The New Mutants staggers from one plot point to another without grace, remains grim-faced throughout and throws severe childhood trauma and a same-sex romance in the mix as if they were contractual obligations. It’s all exceptionally boring despite some interesting elements: it feels like a slog even only a few minutes into the film and that impression never lets up. As far as spinoffs go, it’s as if they managed to hit the trifecta of a bad premise, bad execution and bad polish all at once. Considering the pitiful result, it’s no wonder Disney decided to jettison the film in theatres (pushed more by contractual obligations than any kind of confidence in its prospects) before quietly releasing it on its streaming service. It’s a sad footnote to a series that had its ups and downs, but it’s not all bad news: the bad performance of The New Mutants virtually assures that there will never, ever be a sequel despite initial plans to make this the first in a trilogy. We have been given swill, but spared the indignity of having even more of it.