Paige Anette

(On Cable TV, May 2020) It’s not the best frame of mind to approach a film thinking, “well, how bad can it be?” but it wasn’t without reason either: the original Cross was so terrible that the thought of it leading to a third film was enough to trigger a regrettable bout of curiosity. Well, the results are in and Rise of the Villains is even worse than expected. This is the kind of low-budget feature film that redefines the idea of a bad movie for those used to strictly theatrical-grade material. The plot is incomprehensible, the dialogue is bad enough to make us grind our teeth, the acting is uniformly terrible, the direction is incompetent and the production values scratch the bottom of the barrel. What makes it feel even worse is the smarmy attitude in which the film presents itself: a soup of comic-book clichés leading to fanservice that nobody asked for. The blend of semi-familiar names in the cast creates expectations that Cross 3 cannot fulfill—and the calibre of acting is so uniquely awful that you can’t blame all the actors as much as directors Patrick Durham and Paul G. Volk. As the actors struggle with their line delivery and pose in macho outfits, we’re not watching a film as much as filmed cosplay—like the worst direct-to-digital swill, it punches a hole through the suspension of disbelief required for film-watching and constantly reminds us of the mechanical elements that go into the production of a movie… because they’re almost all badly executed. There are a few less awful spots here and there—some well-used special effects, Danny Trejo, Paige Anette, etc. Otherwise, though, Cross 3 is more excruciating than entertaining—and worse yet, they just announced that there will be a fourth film in the series. You know what’s even worse, though? I will not be able to help myself from watching the second movie in the series, nor the fourth. Maybe not next week or next month or next year, but some day.