Night Train to Terror (1985)
(In French, On Cable TV, August 2020) There are two ways to talk about Night Train to Terror—the first being a surface viewing of the film, the second informed by the making of the movie. The first is almost purely experiential, as you come away from the film with an amazed sense of disbelief at what you’ve just seen. It takes only a few moments (as what’s supposed to be a horror film segues into a cheap pop-music video and then a chat between God and Lucifer) to realize that something is horribly wrong with this film, and the rest does not disappoint. Incoherent editing propels us further and faster in a story that seems to be missing any kind of connective material, rushing to gratuitous nudity and extreme gore while leaving basic narrative behind. Twenty minutes later, we go back to the pop-music band, and then God and the Devil as they start introducing another story with the same rapid-fire incoherent approach to grand-guignol material. And then on to a third story. While Night Train to Terror is obviously an anthology story, it’s still markedly less controlled than most similar films. Despite the rushed nature of the storytelling, the budget shown on-screen (as we have far many more setting changes and narrative progression) seems disconnected from the low-budget production values. The choppy editing doesn’t help in maintaining continuity, but the schlocky nature of the gore and nudity tries its best to distract us from a storytelling void. (It doesn’t succeed.) The film ends shortly afterward with a desperately unconvincing train derailment, leaving us amazed (but not in a good way) at what we’ve just seen. The nature of the film becomes a bit clearer once we read about its production history, as Night Train to Terror is really a re-edited stitching of three unreleased full-length horror films with an added framing device. Suddenly, it becomes clearer why the budget seems inconsistent with the visuals: it’s three films’ worth of material badly boiled down into one, with crucial narrative material left out in favour of gore effects and nudity scenes. (And if that’s amazing, wait until you follow the link to take a look at disgraced screenwriter Philip Yordan’s career.) Still, no number of explanations will do justice to the sheer experience of seeing the film and going “wow” at the amazing incompetence on display. Night Train to Terror is far best experienced as a group, as everyone will already be there for the therapy session afterward.