After We Collided (2020)
(Netflix Streaming, December 2021) I had two problems with After We Collided, and the fact that I stumbled upon a sequel before seeing the original is, by far, the least important of them. No, the biggest issue would be that I never, ever, even after more than an hour, cared for any of the main characters whose continuing romance this is. I had no reason to care, no reason to feel anything about them pushing or pulling away from each other. I had no stakes in them ever seeing each other again — in fact, I was kind of hoping for a break-up to happen so that the credits could roll. Halfway between teenage and twentysomething romance, After We Collided goes the super-soft-core R-rated route of implying sexual activity without showing anything beyond side or back nudity: a very strange choice that highlights the film’s blend of immaturity—giving the impression of teenagers playing dress-up. Not that I cared all that much — I wanted the film to be done, and any romantic complication had me gritting my teeth in drawing out the end. Bland dialogue, unconvincing acting and some bargain-basement direction from Roger Kumble (who has done so much better in the past) don’t help, but the basics remain the same no matter where you look: if you don’t feel anything about the characters, it’s a waste of time to even try to build a romance around them. Amazingly enough, After We Collided isn’t the end of the road for the series: there’s already a sequel, and up to three more films in the series are planned. Rather than getting annoyed at this, let’s just wish happy returns to the investors. May they never suffer through what they’ve paid for.