Christmas Belles (2019)
(On TV, December 2021) Ask any cinephile about the films made by The Asylum, and you will get near-unanimous retching — it’s a low-budget studio that specializes in making cheap copies of blockbuster films with near-identical titles in the hope of drawing an easily fooled public, a business model that survived intact from the DVD to the streaming paradigm. (Oh, and they did the Sharknado series.) Now imagine my aghast reaction and sinking expectations at seeing “The Asylum presents” as the title card of a Christmas romantic comedy broadcast on BET. But waaaait — I may have found the best Asylum movie of all times. In fact—and you may want to hold on to something solid and reassuring for my next few words—Christmas Belle may be among the better original movies broadcast on BET recently. I know, I know — that’s not exactly a very high standard to begin with. But under Terri J. Vaughn’s direction and especially Chad Quinn’s witty screenplay, it quickly becomes obvious that the film is punching above its weight through sheer better-than-average writing. Oh, it helps that the beautiful DomiNque Perry and Raven Goodwin have great BFF energy together as they compete for the same pastor’s attention— the way they go through their dialogue only makes it better. But there’s more than the usual BET romantic comedy going on here — some great lines, good comic moments, slightly racier humour than usual and decent breaks from the formula all help. (I knew that I liked the movie at the “Do you want to be gay? / Sure [beat] Naah, I’m done” exchange, which is innocuous and funny but well outside what other Christmas romantic comedies go for). The focus on friendship rather than romance (although there’s plenty of romance left) is also a welcome change of pace. Oh, I don’t want to let “better than BET average” be misleading: there are still plenty of odd plotting mistakes, missed opportunities and disappointing moments, alongside the very limited budget and consequently timid direction. But Christmas Belles is significantly better and more entertaining than many of its BET stablemates because it has understood one thing: if you’re stuck with a small cast, limited sets and a tiny budget, make those words sing. Dare something different. Offer something else. It does, and that goes beyond the can’t-dislike-Christmas, can’t-be-unhappy-at-romance feeling that many similar movies coast on. This is probably my favourite The Asylum production of all times, but once again let’s keep some perspective: director Vaughn is so outside The Asylum’s usual orbit that I suspect that the arrangement here is financial more than anything — The Asylum wanted to cash in on the Holiday movie market, so they paid for it. No matter how it happened, I’m happy with the result — this is one BET Christmas film that’s worth a look all year long.