Thora Birch

  • The Gabby Petito Story (2022)

    (On Cable TV, October 2022) There is definitely something a little bit dirty, a little bit guilty in watching made-for-Lifetime The Gabby Petito Story barely a year after the much-publicized tragic real events it depicts. My interest wasn’t so much in the match between film and recent news, but in seeing why actress Thora Birch thought this was a good project in which to make the feature-film directing debut. I’m all for actors turning directors, but many of them usually pick some kind of passion project or actor-friendly arthouse drama as their calling card—not a nakedly commercial project ready-made for criticism of exploitation. I’m ready to accept “desperation” as an answer—if you’re looking for a project and something juicy like this lands on your lap, well, why not? On the other hand, then there’s you being on the hook for a film made in a rush and ripe for justified criticism. The script, for instance, does not deal in subtleties in offering its interpretation of the murder-suicide at the heart of the story: There’s an incredibly familiar arc to the way a storybook romance turns sour when the male goes off his meds and becomes increasingly controlling. The woman can do no wrong in this scenario, which becomes a fascinating point when the film repeats known documented statements from Petito and her husband, and those statements don’t exactly match the more simplistic fictionalization of events we’ve just seen. The exploitation angle of The Gabby Petito Story I’m jaded about and will let slide—but there’s no mistaking the low-end nature of the production with its unpolished actors (with Birch briefly showing up), humdrum cinematography and sometimes-awkward staging. In the end, my curiosity about Birch’s directorial prowess being satiated, I’m back to my initial discomfort at having watched the whole thing. Many serious critics will tell you that all cinema is voyeuristic, but some of it feels worse than the rest.

  • Train (2008)

    Train (2008)

    (In French, On Cable TV, July 2021) Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Young American teenagers go backpacking in Eastern Europe and—why, yes, they all get tortured grotesquely, how did you know? Riffing off ultra-familiar clichés, Train really does itself no favours by hopping on roughly a dozen wagons’ worth of stale material at once. The teenagers (well, twentysomething teenagers) are not particularly likable even if some of them do wrestling: the portents of their impending doom are so strident that it’s a wonder they don’t put their fingers in their ears, and once the torture gets started, the film instantly switches from familiarity to obnoxiousness. It’s easy to be exasperated by ultra-violent nihilistic gore when it’s in the service of material as useless as Train: it exposes the immaturity of the project and its lack of ideas or, for that matter, humanity. Exactly no one will be surprised to find out that the lone girl in the group (Thora Birch, maybe slumming) becomes the final girl of the group. Grasping at anything nice to say about the result, the least we can say is that writer-director Gideon Raff is capable of churning out a slick studio-grade production, but that comes to mind only because I’ve seen two MST3K-grade piles of garbage this week alone, so my expectations have been calibrated. The irony is that the project reportedly started out as a remake of 1980’s Terror Train, which would have been a semi-intriguing idea… except that it instead went all-in on the worst of the horror genre trends of the late 2000s (i.e.: torture horror) and instantly became forgettable.