Brand New-U aka Identicals (2015)

(On Cable TV, February 2021) My attitude toward Science Fiction movies is informed by decades of appreciation for the genre (especially in its written form), so I can be both a sympathetic audience and a merciless critic. Every time, I hope for the best… but often, I am scornfully disappointed. My optimism often translates in the hope that even a shaky opening will be redeemed later on, but this approach does not work with Brand New-U: whatever haziness there is about the premise, plotting, characters or tone during the opening moments either remains the same or gets worse as the film unfolds. As best as I can make sense of it, the narrative has something to do with a company offering cloning and replacing someone similar to you in their much-better lives. Even in so few words, the premise doesn’t make any sense — why would a company cater to the lower-class in offering to replace someone better and richer? Past takes on similar topics (think Seconds or Self/Less) have always explored the super-rich trade for obvious reasons. But such narrative haziness is among Brand New-U’s many failings, as I defy anyone to make sense of the characters in their multiple permutations, the meaningless finale, the torpid pacing of the film, the neon visuals or the irritating droning that make up most of the film’s soundtrack. Brand New-U wants to be more than just a cheap SF film, but it achieves even worse results — calling it incomprehensible may be pushing it too far when you can just say that it’s so unpleasant that no one wants to make sense of it. By the end, as nothing is wrapped up, I felt the hollow disappointment made so familiar by countless bad Science Fiction movies that can’t be bothered to master even the most basic elements of a good film. It’s a miserable experience and a stain on writer/director Simon Pummell’s filmography. Even as an optimistic ever-hopeful kind of SF fan, I’d rather not have Science Fiction movies if the alternative is something as terrible as Brand New-U.