Witchouse (1999)

(In French, On TV, October 2021) Hey, real talk right now, OK? We’re among friends here, and it’s not as if the whole Internet’s watching. I will always have a look at witch-themed horror films because I believe, as many filmmakers do, that witches are sexy. The dark gothic thing works well with me, and once you throw in the idea that witches know things that mortals don’t, and that historically they were the women with enough sense to move away from the village to have their own house in the forest and that’s a potent mix. Lighthearted horror film Witchouse does several things wrong (including a misspelled title), but one thing it does get right is Ashley McKinney Taylor as a twentysomething witch inviting “friends” over to her haunted manor for a weekend of fun and games. It is, predictably, a trap meant to conjure the spirit of her long-dead ancestor, but—shh—the point of the movie is having the characters have sex and die, or figure out the threat they’re facing. In addition to the whole witch angle, I’m also a sucker for haunted-house stories and Witchouse’s thin budget does manage halfway credible gothic sets. Monica Snow is very cute with glasses and curly hair, but her survival isn’t much in doubt as the story moves through very familiar plot points. Witchouse is not a good movie by most objective standards—coming from low-end Full Moon studios and directed by B-movie-making machine David DeCoteau (as “Jack Reed”) and produced by the legendary Charles Band, this is meant as very light horror—not quite comedy, but not overly sombre either. There’s a good heaping of nudity and comparatively light violence, a formulaic story and just enough production values to enjoy the result. It’s not refined cinema, but expect a review of Witchouse 2 as soon as I can get it…