Masters of the Universe (1987)

(On Cable TV, June 2022) I’m old enough to have been in the right age group when the Masters of the Universe toys came out (but never played with them), when the tie-in series was broadcast (but didn’t watch it) and when the film was released (but didn’t see it until now). As a result, I’m approaching Masters of the Universe without any sentimental or nostalgic attachment… and I strongly suspect that any reaction to the film hinges on that. From most perspectives, the film is flat-out terrible. The script is for kids (how could it be otherwise, trying to sell toys?), the execution is constantly hobbled by the state of 1980s special effects technology, the acting is unequal and the film doesn’t have much to keep adult audiences interested. If you’re in a generous mood, you can sort-of-see the elements of a cult film in the results: an obtuse mythology begging to differentiate between true fans and casuals; Dolph Lundgren muscling it up as He-Man but being outclassed by Frank Langella chewing universes of scenery as Skeletor. Courteney Cox has an early role here, and Meg Foster is often arresting as the villainess. While Masters of the Universe doesn’t do much to dress up its mercenary intentions, it’s handled with a blunt candour that’s sometimes disarming. Still, it’s weak sauce compared to the other fantasy films of the 1980s, and if you’re going to play in the overblown campy registry, then you’ll always lose a head-to-had comparison with Flash Gordon. Not coming to Masters of the Universe with a pre-packaged liking, I’m left underwhelmed.