(Cable TV, August 2012) I wasn’t expecting much from this killer-shark movie, which makes its disappointment even more palpable. Formula monster-movies can’t really hope to impress on the force of their premises, so it’s usually down to the quality of their execution. Alas, while director David R. Ellis has had a few successes in his career, Shark Night won’t rank as one of them: While there are a few interesting moments in the film, those are drowned in flat characters, dumb plotting, mean-spirited deaths and a third-act reveal that adds a useless human component to the shark threat. It all amounts to a curiously tepid “thriller”, one that quickly fades in mind as soon as the credits roll. (It speaks volume that the best part of the film is a dumb post-credit music video in which the cast pokes fun at the film itself.) None of the actors distinguish themselves in interchangeable roles, and while the direction has occasional stuff-jumping-at-you 3D moments, it really isn’t enough to compensate for the missing fun component. As I get farther and farther away from the 18-to-34 demographic profile, my tolerance for meaningless horror movies is quickly fading. While far less offensively gory than last year’s aquatic-threat Piranha 3D, this Shark Night is almost completely empty of anything that could distinguish it, or even make it enjoyable in a trashy fashion. Sometimes, a film is remarkable even in being terrible. Shark Night doesn’t even earn this distinction.